but they didn’t understand AT ALL because Valentine’s day is a major big deal in elementary school it’s like an office work party for eight year olds
do you know when a whale dies it falls all day long to the bottom of the ocean floor, and all the fishes and other sea creatures watch it fall, they know that it is dying.
i learned that from the book i’m reading now, i’ve been googling a lot of depressing shit lately. ever since that stupid 90dayjane suicide blog from two days ago i discovered, i youtube searched suicide videos, and ended up watching some attempted suicide on italian tv, and then suicide bombings. i wish i didn’t do that.
anyway, i don’t feel depressed today i just feel like an idiot.
the lyrics to seal jubilee and the way the song is sung makes my heart ache a little bit too.
seal jubilee, bat for lashes
The seals, they cried in jubilee The sharks, they howled along with me And birds, they flew into the wind The whale, he roamed the lonely sea
And I dived into you I dived into you On this ocean hue ‘Cause I dived into you
The lighthouse dog lifted his brow The crippled trees bent low to growl And swans, they wrestled with lifetime’s grasp In hopefullness they nestled the past Teachers and travellers made their mark They dined and feasted on whale and shark And so the ocean lost its depths And boredom rained as the ocean wept
Birds they raised their young for dead And ladies used feathery pillows for bed And black snow came and black snow stayed And froze the ocean out of love Out of love
I lay quiet, next to you Transformed a whole Transformed anew No longer diving into But lying quiet next To you
which is what made me think of that whale dying thing.
talking to leslie on gchat we were trying to out-depress one another and now she is drinking margaritas.
this is my favourite comment regarding that 90dayjane blog:
BY COLONEL MUSTARD AT 02/13/08 03:17 PM
“Hey everybody! Thanks for all of your advice and concern for my well-being, but I was really just making a mockery of the serious mental disease known as clinical depression! I hope you don’t know anyone who ever killed themselves, because otherwise you might want to shoot me in the face right now! Well, it’s back to brooding and acting like a snobbish, intellectual poseur for me. See you guys at the next Fall Out Boy concert!”
In Bruges was filmed on location; Bruges (pronounced “broozh”), the most well-preserved medieval city in the whole of Belgium, is a welcoming destination for travellers from all over the world. But for hit men Ray (Colin Farrell) and Ken (Brendan Gleeson), it could be their final destination; a difficult job has resulted in the pair being ordered right before Christmas by their London boss Harry (two-time Academy Award nominee Ralph Fiennes) to go and cool their heels in the storybook Flemish city for a couple of weeks. Very much out of place amidst the gothic architecture, canals, and cobbled streets, the two hit men fill their days living the lives of tourists. Ray, still haunted by the bloodshed in London, hates the place, while Ken, even as he keeps a fatherly eye on Ray’s often profanely funny exploits, finds his mind and soul being expanded by the beauty and serenity of the city. But the longer they stay waiting for Harry’s call, the more surreal their experience becomes, as they find themselves in weird encounters with locals, tourists, violent medieval art, a dwarf American actor (Jordan Prentice) shooting a European art film, Dutch prostitutes, and a potential romance for Ray in the form of Chloë (Clémence Poésy), who may have some dark secrets of her own. And when the call from Harry does finally come, Ken and Ray’s vacation becomes a life-and-death struggle of darkly comic proportions and surprisingly emotional consequences.
what a hilarious premise, i think mostly i want to go there.
it’s up there with the city casino royale was filmed in.
so we celebrated valentine’s day last nite cos we players like that.
it occurred to me yesterday late afternoon that we had done it a day early before and i was starving and couldn’t get the thought of fancy dining out of my head and we didn’t have a reservation for anything tonite and were kinda planning to snub the whole thing anyway…blah bla bla.
a cid card for fil, inside it says With Sympathy hahahaha. i think it would be funnier if fil got this card for me, funny as in i would rip out all of my hair.
cid makes the same bitchy face as the cat on the card but only when he is sitting in sunlight and i am talking.
i know!
oh just shut up you stupid asshole.
he also got me a bear that looks like his jacket and gloves.
they put us upstairs in a tiny room with a fireplace where everyone whispers cos you can hear everything everyone else is saying, and chewing their food while talking at the same time too. i had a nice view of the late office meeting across the street.
so i’ve decided i am going to formulate some sort of guide to living a fake rich lifestyle, cos this meal wasn’t too steep, if you make the right choices and stop yourself from ordering a bottle of wine you too can expand your culinary experiences from outside the realm of taco bell.
no flash.
w/ flash, prosciutto mushroom salad, pretty good, i think we’re going to copy it too, the prosciutto was warmed, it was basically a pizza w/o the pizza.
carpaccio, not bad, not overly impressed, and the salad was so filling it was a bit pointless to get this.
prosciutto chicken eggplant in cream tomato sauce, very delicious. cos i normally order an appetizer as my meal they get confused and plate the main in two for us, what’s the etiquette for that, no we aren’t sharing, he’s a pig and i’m trying to starve myself?
they busted out some (complimentary!) limoncello for us with the bill and then we were smashed.
then two more shots! we were planning to drive to the beer store and just go home to watch tv and pass out but from two shots of that stuff fil was like I AM DRUNK that must be 40% or something. i said to the waiter oh look you found the drinkers! we went next door to the bedford for a brew instead.
look out it’s GHOST FIL!
HAPPY REWARD FOR GETTING A BOYFRIEND DAY EVERYONE! or I VIEW VALENTINE’S DAY JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS OR BIRTHDAYS, EXCEPT WITH HIGHER EXPECTATIONS. -raymi
Marketable Depression – a GREAT V-Day gift…. who knew?
Hi Lauren,
I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog for almost a year.
(I just deleted two paragraphs of drivel that I wrote because I was attempting to parallel my life to yours, and I hate when people do that in your ‘comments’.
You are you and I am me at that is that.)
To the point, I’m writing this because this morning (Valentines Day, in Australia, where I’m living), my partner gave me Marketable Depression as one of my gifts. It made my day as this is something I’ve desired to read for almost as long as I was aware you existed. I had my first read, cover to cover, before I got out of bed for breakfast. Two things blow me away – first your talent. Your perspective on life and your unique and abrupt way of looking and analyzing things and especially to be able to articulate it is nothing short of brilliant. Second, I am awed at how much you have done in your relatively short life. This book was really the best and most thoughtful gift he could have given me!
one of my internet pen pals works in a whimsical book shoppe in england (sigh i know!) and sent me a nice package, she has a friend that has an antique tea set and they have tea parties sorry kill me in the face with a fairy tale life much?
if you want strangers to think you are really important, get someone to pull out a notepad and interview you, they can even pretend to be writing down what you are saying, and then go out for a smoke and then you have a new boyfriend i dunno, i’m trying to help out the single folk who read my blog. i don’t think it would work in a place like mcdonald’s, i mean, it likely would, but the calibre of person you would attract would be a little under par i think, go somewhere dark and candlelit and to answer your question yes i could be more gay.
+++
maybe i will live-blog my patheticness, i will also make fun of the term live blogging, it’s one of my favourite inside jokes with myself, it’s the most redundant term ever.
11.00am – use a knife to scrape the remnants of sugar out of sugar cube box into espresso, takes a long time because there is a tiny red cardboard fleck mixed in there i am too lazy to dig out so i am scraping around it. using a knife because it is the last piece of clean cutlery. feel like was just released from an asylum.
11.04am – fleck is an awesome word.
ungh.
live blogging is bullshit it’s basically like sitting in front of a word document waiting for time to pass and something to happen to put down, you immediately screw yourself over by saying this is a live-blog post. also you then write the post as if you are reporting live from some place that isn’t your couch or desk or wherever, it taints whatever you are doing with an air of smugness and self-importance, you talk like walter kronkite and this speak that is yet isn’t second/third person, i dunno.
you’re like THIS IS A LIVE BLOG POST and we’re like YES WE KNOW SO WAS THE LAST ONE!
unless you come across a laptop by chance at an industry event you don’t even want to be at and then write down everything that is happening all around you, you are a nerd.
fil just reminded me that i was busting on brad’s tattoo and saying that it was spelled wrong, ‘rhythm’ i said it was spelled rhthym or something, or maybe had to y’s, he almost believed it. i am a nice friend.
Elizabeth: N is walking around shirtless and telling me about when he rubbed one off last night sigh
me: omg
Elizabeth: then hes like Ok Im ready to go and now hes like oh wait I gotta put a shirt on
me: uh what? how is this supposed to make sense to me
Elizabeth: hes getting ready for work Im LIVEBLOGGING MY LFIE FOR YOU
me: THANK YOU before i thought i was talking to a recorded message
no more red wine, worse hangovers ever, it only took me infinity glasses to figure that out, wow what a genius over here right now. i just tried to lie down with cid but he didn’t appreciate it, he was just skeptical and suspicious, and then i started to feel nauseous. normally we cruise in bed for a couple more hours after fil leaves for work, i didn’t think it would be fair to sleep in seeing as we both got v. little sleep last nite (THANKS GILL!). we tried to go to the midtown but it was closed (blizzard or shut down forever? does anybody know?) so we went to ted’s instead, where the wine consumption began and jenny played fly on the wall and wrote down everything i said for her journalism article something profile on me, the more i drank the more i said OFF THE RECORD before and after certain bits, i’m sure she has information overload. then some guy pissed all over the seat in the women’s bathroom and was like well hellooooo to me as we passed on the stairs and kept staring at britt and i until she barked at them (jack daniels britt is awesome by the way) to take a fucking picture and they promptly left to go across the street to no doubt re-inact their creepy stare at girls from the bar bit, totally works if you aren’t three feet tall and piss on women’s toilets and your friend doesn’t look like side show bob.
well anyway today i hate myself and pretty much want to die.
oh right i was intending to eat more at the midtown, but didn’t cos duh not open, and that handful of buttered onions fil made (omg retarded orgasm) and a fistful of spinach i made and two tiny bites of sausage were not enough dinner no wonder i was out of my mind.
i think i’m totally done with winter, is it just me or has this one been crap more than ever, like full on stir crazy might as well live in the northwest territories mental?
sigh.
monstergirl went to new orleans and made me two perfumes, the lady that mixed them named them flame and limes des buras. she said that flame has to be given by a redhead. hahahahahhaha.
i feel like watching that ridiculous orgy scene in perfume, i feel demented enough right now to deal with it.
good news, when the older than dust dude next door isn’t screaming at his fossil of a wife, he’s talking as loud as i talk when i’m out on the town hittin’ the sauce. i’m about to make a little dance video of myself and blast the f out of some jams to drown him out, once i check what oprah is about today.
ungh david cassidy is a guest BUT all the cosby kids will be on for the next segment, dance video will have to wait.
RIP fil’s underwears that give you the opposite of clit boners.
last nite he FINALLY gave in and performed a little underwear destruction ritual for me, i have been threatening to post a picture of them intact on my blog for ages now. please feel sorry for me and let the underwear digs begin, thank you. he used these guys once to wipe something down hence the bleach stains and everyone knows once you use an article of some sort to clean something WITH BLEACH you are entering a contract with yourself of getting rid of said item forever, or graduating it to rag status.
not fil though, ungh.
also there were tons of holes and rips in them (he still has some other pairs as sexy as these in his rotation cycle).
i am such a victim.
woah they redid oprah’s stage to look like the cosby’s house/set!
