i just lugged up from the parking garage a bin of 20ish assorted bottles of brews and other booze things, fil’s pals charity upon him long-forgotten beers stored in their basements, brought over for parties and whatever, too gauche to drink ‘em themselves, or excuse to have fil over? anyway, my kidney is hurting now, i’m not so good with the bending over and crouching and hoisting and carrying. why’d i bother then? well i was curious to see what was there.
then i spent the last 3 minutes fighting with the cable box and tv with the remote control from the couch, you have to point the remote between the tv and the box and have them both pick up the zap from hitting power simultaneously, it must be precise, and 9/10 it fucking ISN’T! so then i try to block the signal with my finger while trying again, basically the tv is on cable box light off (wow this was hella more interesting in my head when i initially decided to share this shitty anecdote) so i do this back and forth 30 times instead of just getting up and turning the tv on manually at which point i am like wow my life needs more pizazz.
i am also wearing my new favourite girl guide outfit again tonite for st. pat’s, fuck green and fuck you! no not you, just you know, that one person who will predictably say HAAA-AAAAAY YOU’RE NOT WEARING ANY GREEEE-EEEEEN and usually that person is me, but not this year, woh no. (despite asking fil for updates all day long about whether anyone noticed his green tie or my green flower pin and if he was going to win the most green prize)(he didn’t)(no one got to see his greenery cos he was in meetings all day) (but he got to eat an expensive lunch of swordfish so don’t feel sorry for him!)(yes he told everyone i bought him that tie and it was my flower pin)(what was i just saying about more pizazz?)
anyway, i wish i could regale you with what i really felt like regaling you with right now, which would involve my two favourite things ‘SHIT’ and ‘TALK’ – oh well, maybe in another life.
back to my kidney, wtf? guess i should finally book that scan.
oh fil is home, loblaws sent me a ten dollar gift card from the wood i found in my spinach. that’s it!? what about my tv spot and trip to bermuda? cheapskates.
boringest way to spend a sunday, watching a warbly vhs tape from the 80s about nature in this dark cave, by yourself.
why?
oh marion, your stories are so funny because you have a ponytail and that gives you extra self confidence, magic, pure magic.
nicolai, after we hit civello to get your various hair products, can we get lube from condom shack please?
disgusting.
i wore this shirt pretty much all weekend long.
red breast vs. jameson’s.
taken just as pitt told us his brother is gonna be a dad.
fatty bombatti.
a collaboration.
pitt’s rendering of fil, cid, jeremy, chad and i. bidding is now open.
sauna in our building that’s been out of order since we moved in, i didn’t realise it was so big. fix it already!
everlasting bubbles.
the dude at las iguanas was a DICK to me sat’nite, i asked him to turn the music up (i requested ten million songs on the juke and it was whisper volume) and twenty minutes goes by, doesn’t do it (before all this we were chatting him up it was good we all got along no probs) then i ask again and he personality changes on the spot, snaps at me YOU KNOW HONEY THAT IS ON THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY LIST OF PRIORITIES RIGHT NOW! (he might even have thrown an f-word in there somewhere, can’t remember verbatim but his tone was disgusting) then everyone at the wrap around U-shaped bar goes quiet, hella awkward, and i’m telling my eyes to NOT pinprick tears out do not give that piece of shit the satisfaction (yes i am a sensitive idiot) (pitt and i were also in the middle of discussing why the one pearl jam song playing that i had requested was so signif. ie. already on my way to cryingville) i whisper to pitt and fil ok guys drink up! we do, we are all thinking the same thing like wtf just happened there? then fil snaps to life DUDE GET US OUR BILL RIGHT NOW, RIGHT FUCKING NOW! slams down twenty bones and storms out. pitt and i get the rest of the money in order, (tipped less than two bucks on a 38 dollar bill) and pitt asks me if i ever plan to go back there again, i say well i’d like to as in no don’t destroy everything in your wake on the way out ok?
i really didn’t get it, i didn’t ask in a bitchy way, i had jokey tone on, the bar wasn’t that slammed so no need for total freak out, and even if you didn’t feel like turning it up, SAY SO LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING WITH MANNERS, and yes it is your priority to keep the music flowing and your custies happy.
holy shit, pitt asked what the hell is it with me and bartenders?
the last time i get, but this time, so uncalled for.
i was also wearing knee socks and that stupid flight attendant older sister with zero sex appeal dress, how can anyone yell at someone in a get-up like that? that’s like punching out a librarian.
cos there’ll be lots more where them beasts came from
firstly, according to whomever measured this in 1963, i am 5’9.
oh i just remembered i was wearing my boots, nevermind.
so close.
fil’s sister’s new place, more of that later. they have a coffin-shaped pool in the backyard.
fil had zero patience to wait in the car queue to get into the maple syrup whatever in mountsberg so we went to crawford lake instead. i don’t even like maple syrup, it makes my stomach churn (ever since i ate a maple sugar candy when i was a kid), i was kinda looking forward to puking up my hangover in front of a bunch of kids though, hangover + maple syrup, ungh.
nice parenting.
these guys still only 25 cents, good to see.
st. pat’s flower.
no ghosting!
yesterday was fully a stuff white people like day, sundays, walks, nature, torturing your children with all of the above.
gettin’ a lil bored at this point, and weak, i refused a bite of fil’s nature’s garbage ‘n oats snack he bought.
fil reconnecting with his people’s roots.
sustenance, biting on one almost tore a tooth right out of the side of my head.
You say you look fat in your pix. Stop sticking your stomach out and leaning your head and shoulders back. That is called Vogue Eating Disorder Posture. It is neurotic and models get sent walking for it. You are not fat, you are almost healthy looking and if you ate better during puberty you could have grown larger breasts. What you have is average size breasts that YOU make look smaller by sticking them out with poses like a bad pole dancer that has damaged her spine by sticking her breasts out to make them look bigger. That just stretches them out and gives a smoother (flatter) curve. It is just wrong thinking, ask a good photographer about the posture of an exceptional model that is rightfully happy with her posture and figure by everybody else’s opinion. Not hers. It is just geometry and perspective. You do the same shit with your hair too.Your nose will look smaller with shorter bangs. That is why people tell you cut them shorter. You just want to be you, Cover your eyes and stick your nose out, right. If you were looking for a career in modeling at some point, that is why you are not. Start watching What Not To Wear on cable and keep watching it until it makes sense to you and you agree with what they do. The clothes, the hair and the makeup… You gigolo bitch, your life is just funny to look at. One wrong, ill prepared choice after another. I never wanted to be your friend. Since you asked me, that is who the fuck I think I am.
here and here. (having them up now just makes me want to barf)
it reminds me of the smells of flamboro market, fried onions for miles and miles and hot sun and cheese, except mixed with kielbasa (fried with the onions!) (!) and spinach and balsamic and loads of ooey gooey jalapeno havarti cheese to stick it all together, fil is trying to kill us.
speaking of flamboro, guess who is going on a maple syrup tour drivies and maybe even a sleigh ride?
update: ok now i feel fat as fuck
the teddy bear what cid humps just came out of the dryer and cid is uh, reacquainting hisself with it. REUNITED AND IT FEEEEEELS SOOOO GOOD!
fil put them both in the bedroom. buzzkill fil, buzzkill fil! (to the tune of spiderman, spiderman)
radmad called me last nite during in bruges, during a quiet part too, i left my fone on, normally i always turn it off, but then no one calls me and i feel like the biggest loser ever and sigh to myself like the saddest poem you ever heard as my fone fires back up and i see yep, no calls, so i left it on last nite, fuck it. radmad calls i fly to the seat beside me where my purse is and our jackets and fling fil’s jacket to the floor and turn it off halfway through the second ring.
after the movie i booked it out of there asap to hit the john, that’s one of my skills, running to the bathroom before the line-up, after i’m done i get out there and can’t see fil, he was in the theatre still cos when i chucked his jacket to the floor his fone fell out and a dude with a flashlight had to help him find it.
what do you want from me, i went to a movie on a friday nite, that’s how exciting i am right now.
