grandma’s shirt, ex bf’s dad’s belt, you know the rest…

fuckin’ so emo today

i was trying to look as sad as possible, i PROMISE tomorrow there will be nothing in here about

sadness
barfing
shitting
ear bleeding
bruises
hurt feelings
crying
complaining

basically there won’t be anything here tomorrow cos that’s all i got!

all i’ve had to eat today was two handfuls of yogurt so as you can imagine i’m feeling really smart right now.

click to enlarge the magic.

excuse me i just stepped out of a party tornado.

my body is covered in bruises and totally sore from dancing, and need i not mention that the floor was empty save for pitt and i?

magic. i kept asking dj nasty nav if we were embarrassing and should stop, to which he said no we were all he had!

he should not have said that.

a couple even pulled up A COUCH and dragged it to the edge of the dance floor to better watch us and not because we were so you think you can dance entertaining. more like, ungh, i need to invent a new word for this type of dance. maybe two words, FUCKING AWESOME.

me: how dumb did we look

Phil: surprisingly not too dumb

i’m waiting on some photographic evidence from fil.

oh right! part of my necklace is gone too, i took it off cos i am serious about dancing and threw it onto my purse. oh well.

i am on the balcony right now hello wireless

the crazy old lady next door is on her balcony too, in a snowsuit, pacing back and forth i guess she’s agoraphobic and this is the only way she can get exercise, she does it all the time, i can hear her sandals scuffing away. way to buzzkill me lady, thank god for the divider between our balconies. there’s some sort of last day of kindergarten party going on in the park right now and all the little monkeys are partying away, this woman keeps yelling out ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO. ann-oy-ing. i can see moms with their mom purses chit chatting, all the little girls are wearing sun bonnets. cute. the lady is moaning in agony or something and out of breath please don’t poke your head around and look at me. i might put my bikini on though it’s a little overcast, we’ll see. yeah right i’m going back in!

oh one more thing, pity party me: WE COULD HAVE GONE AWAY TO A COTTAGE THIS WEEKEND but we can’t cos of nxne (fil is the official photographer for it)

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-UUUUUUUURNS

god i need a city break
i need the wild
i am a wild animal
excuse me i have to be bitter for the next ten minutes

update: i just had some yogurt, my outlook on life has chillaxed a bit.

oh but now my ear is bleeding cos i picked at it too much
i take back the life outlook chillaxing comment.

try feeling hungover out of your mind and this close to going in your pants (sorry i know that’s all i talk about) and eating this, what the fuck was i thinking?

meanwhile across the table you are looking at your friend eat this and proclaim every few seconds OH MAN is this ever good!

cid and i are cool now.

so i wasn’t even going to go out last nite then fil informed that we could get free chucks at the mod club show party, right, that’s IF WE HAD RSVP’d for it! what’s the point of all access if you can’t access the all? luckily brad showed up and worked his little brad magic and got us wrist bands, no chucks though, it’s ok i already have a pair. they were customizing them with a spray gun, white hi-tops with your name in fluorescent, so cute. anyway.

i went to mini alone to eat at the bar while fil went ahead to the mod club, i was sitting there chatting up the girl polishing cutlery wearing one of my tickle trunk outfits (denim vest, black t-shirt, short shorts, black knee socks and aladdin shoes) thinking oh great now she thinks i’m hitting on her when out of nowhere she’s like no offense, this might sound wrong but i could NEVER go out and eat alone and she’s heard through her friends that it’s quite enjoyable to which i said no it isn’t really cos the whole time you have to pose like you are cool with being alone and you are hyper-focused on everything around you and you feel extremely neurotic. then she said she’s gone to movies alone and i said oh i could never do that, pointing at my food see, i gotta eat, i don’t have to see a movie and plus everyone knows you’re alone when you go into a movie alone and it’s sad. i was going to give her my card and say i am going to blog about this conversation but i already felt self conscious from my lesbian outfit and being singled out for eating alone at the bar so i didn’t. i also made her feel bad by saying yeah and thanks for pointing out that i don’t have any friends, as a joke, then i got a text at that exact moment and said when you eat alone you have to text everyone you know to inform them that you are eating alone. comedy gold i am. that salad is awesome by the way, mango basil shrimp, i also had a tsingtao and laotian rolls, when i feel like shit if i just keep eating to pass the time i feel better.

oh and of course when i was walking over to the mod club some ugly wench try hard walking her bike with a dude who was checking me out says THAT SO DOES NOT EVEN LOOK GOOD talking about my outfit! i was crossing an intersection so i couldn’t turn back and scream CUUUUUUUUUNT at her ugly face. jesus that got me steamed like to the point of violence. i’m sick of this fucking city and all the aged bitter hipsters in it.

then sloan, i had a handful of drink tickets, gave them to tiff, everyone kept encouraging me to drink through it, no way not possible.

i looked at fil and said i have to leave NOW he’s like are you ok, yeah no i’m not i mean i just don’t feel well and then he goes yeah but are you ok, mentally? haha. which made me start crying so i got in a cab and cried in the backseat a bit, overtired overwhelmed and stressed, what a day. and the cabbie was yelling into the phone at someone at dundas square then asks me about nxne and my badge and i think it’s a ploy for me to hold it up so he can see my short shorts better, then i remember he saw me crying in the mirror, he asked me if i was ok before he dropped me off like all of a sudden he’s my therapist. i thought it was sweet. he said i was smart because i had a badge, i guess thinking i’m some big cog over at the music dept. he kept asking me who pays all the bands i’m like um the venue does? he was really impressed that i had a badge and said with a wave of his arm that i could go anywhere. yes anywhere i wanted, and i said yeah but i don’t want to my body can’t take it, he was confused by that.

then i ordered mama’s boy and had another eno fil came home after 1, i had to take a sleeping pill he was making lots of noise. i have no idea how everyone else is able to deal with this festival, gill hasn’t gone to bed before 5am so far, staying up partying with bands at the hotel, and up working the next day only to do it again tonite and then tomorrow. madness.

oh man i just had eggs benedict and almost shat and barfed my way home, not a good scene here right now people. also there is no hot water and the toilet wasn’t flushing very well til i unclogged it. it’s now time to say my favourite catch phrase I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. i am teetering on the verge of spewing and desperately trying to make that not happen. so far i have had two enos today and a modest swig of pepto EXTRA STRENGTH, i had to buy another bottle cos i could not wait til home after eating at futures with alicia, i know i know i rag on futures like every second, it’s alicia’s fault, she wanted a sandwich, so gay. plus the waitress threw out the other half of said sandwich in lieu of wrapping it up to go, what a stupid idiot, the cause of which almost made me violently crap/piss/shit myself waiting years for her to come to our table so i had to leave and slowly walk along the sidewalk and let alicia deal with that. this day is the longest day of my LIFE. i had to buy deodorant too, i was out, alicia nicely chimed in oh HAHA your clinical deodorant as i was ungh-ing through shoppers trying to literally keep my shit to-gether. when we left the store she was reading out from the circular, shit like ooh seeds are on sale and i said can you just not say ANY words? what else. oh yeah i thought today would be a day of firsts, like, first time i smashed a guitar and potentially barf in the shower, but there isn’t hot water so i can’t even do that, AND it’s yellow. i will update you with more disgusting things as they come to me.

there was paprika sprinkled on my eggs benedict too, uhh i didn’t expect that, oh wait i’m lying i didn’t even have eggs benedict, it was blackstone eggs? salmon instead of peameal.

oh well at least now i am 2lbs lighter than i was this morning.

oh and my shoes from last nite are destroyed from dancing the fuck out of them that’s hysterical to me right now, if you saw how we were dancing you could put me out of business, i thought i was being soooooo graceful and flouncy free and whimsical, oh man i wish i could see what that looked like right now.

oh by the way my new favourite word is dRUNJK.

someone farted outside and i can smell it from here it so just wafted up onto the balcony through the screen door and INTO MY NOSE!

here’s alicia‘s pix from last nite that seemed way more amazing when i looked at them through beer goggles OMG YOU MUST EMAIL ME THESE I LOOK SOOOO GOOD THAT IS PROBABLY THE BEST PICTURE EVER TAKEN OF ME EVER.

and as a bonus i can’t even shower, the water isn’t going to be back on til after 2.

i like how you are all probably still picturing me sitting in a fart cloud even though that happened an hour ago and this is just a blog update within a post man i am retarded right now i am banning myself from the internet for the next forEVER.

*update* WHO WANTS TO BUY THIS GUITAR SIGNED BY ME I AM EXTREMELY FAMOUS YOU COULD FRAME IT, PUT IT IN A SHADOW BOX ON YOUR WALL, MOUNT IT, I DON’T CARE! highest bidder gets it.

the rest are on flickr. right off the bat a chunk of someone’s guitar flew into my right knee, i was nervous i would be hit by flying guitar debris, and then it happened, and then on my last smash i smashed my right foot. it hurt. i got to keep my guitar. mine wasn’t as destroyed as other people’s, i’m kinda wimpy. lots of canadian celebs were there smashing guitars too, i don’t know any of their names. nhl players too. my hangover should kick in around 2 o’clock. tiffany chose all of her friends to fill up the rest of the 30 guitar smashing spots, it felt like high school sitting at our tables eating our buffet, i didn’t really talk to anyone cos i’m a shy guy also i didn’t wash my face or re-apply make-up so i felt like a disgusting greasy piece of shit rockin’ last nite’s face, i wanted to wear my sunglasses but we had to wear these dorky goggles.

oh the internet has decided to work again i’ll throw the rest up here now in a sec k brb don’t go anywhere you guys!

this plus 2 cups of coffee, i am not a breakfast eater, well i am, but i typically don’t eat til the afternoon, anyway i needed this.

being up early in a rock restaurant blaring jams when you are still annihilated from the nite before is an interesting experience.

ooh ooh behind darrin is an nhl dude, phone guy and i think the grey hoodie guy too, they sat beside us and were very, cliquey. i should have said something, hey i don’t know your name but i know you play or played in the nhl, how insulted are you right now on a scale of 1 to 10 can you sign my guitar?

free t-shirt.

i think it took 4 tries to bust it in half it hurt my hands to grip the neck, i held back, the wires were the first thing to pop out.

also, i was the only moron to continue wearing the goggles w/o realizing everyone else took theirs off.

thank you cid.

ungh my brain.

+++

hey raymi

-D

i want to barf

i barely took pictures last nite i was having too much fun being a dance sensation. i would like to apologize to any and all who witnessed the dance “sensation” oh man. my ankle bones are chafed and raw. yes, i pulled out the jazz moves.

double decker home.

i am totally pissed at cid, he bit me last nite like never before and i cannot pinpoint the exact moment it happened, i just know that afterward he attacked my head too while i was lying down and i turned on the light panting and hyper-ventilating and crying and fil didn’t know why and kept saying relax then i showed him my arm. it looks like i have stitches, the blood is all black! cid does not like visitors (thanks pitt).

and now i get to smash a defective gibson guitar and be on television, etalk is covering it, i dunno, hopefully they will cover my barf too.