cos she called us sluts when we rode up to the dominion on sass‘s bike, she tried to deny she was calling US sluts, yeah right, i apologized for over-reacting cos i felt bad about her fake chanel earrings/purse get-up (and she was wearing slutty heels too wtf hypocrite) and she was kinda shaking from getting up the courage to confront me (too much time had passed between my snapping back from her slur proving her guilt), anyway, she tried to get all tough being like yeah you SHOULDN’T over-react like that, yeah um did you or did you not just scream SLUTS at the top of your voice into the street? i regret apologizing now.
so thanks to my screaming out at that chick fil and i had a little “debate” about it on our walk home, yeah thanks a lot scag. basically fil thinks when someone screams slut at you you should aggressively ask ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING TO ME before calling them a stupid ugly little bitch. i told him in fight world you don’t have time for that, you have to immediately match and then TOP their insult, which i did, then you wait and see. if you walk away un-scuffed then you win, which i did and i did. i made an educated guess and quickly sized up this chick before reacting. if i had played it the way fil thinks i should’ve that would’ve given her a chance to deny my asking if she was “fucking talking to me” and then i wouldn’t have been able to tell her that she was 1. ugly 2. stupid 3. little and 4. a bitch.
then i got mad at fil for second-guessing my judgement and basically forcing me to apologize on the spot i even picked up her plastic smoke case she dropped! fil is the type that gets madder about the situation ten minutes after it happens then wants to go back and fuck those guys up, and by then it’s too late, fight window closed.
the morale of the story is, if you are a drunken retard and you shout something at another group of people on the street, don’t be fucking surprised when they (me) react.
all my life i’ve been told i have a big mouth and that one day i’m going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person, no sorry i’m not an idiot, i know when to shut my trap and when to open it as well i know that this theory applies to people with lesser intelligences than i and they do not know when to shut up.
that being said, when i do speak up and tell someone off i always immediately regret it, no matter how right i was for doing it, i basically feel guilty all the time, bleeding heart syndrome. it’s a toughie like, do i say something and help this person learn from that mistake or do i let some future meat head sort them out?
took awhile to figure out how to double this guy.
back in time now, pissed rain off and on all nite long, inside every venue it was a hot steamy mess. some genius on mdma chatted me up.
oh then another sad thing happened, a wickedly drunken abandoned by his chums old guy would not leave anyone alone at the tap and you could tell he was regretting his actions as and immediately after them, made me really sad, but as wise sass said, something like, it’s not fun for us that he does it and not fun for him either, sounded smarter last nite, and in different words.
steam pit #2 oh fuck it was brutal and i didn’t even watch the show (fil ran over to shoot it though) we only went there for a post last call bev (extended nxne hours), why lee’s do you not turn on the a/c? brosk7owski says it’s so people drink more.
if i was a performing artist forced to play in that shit i would throw a wicked tantrum, there is no way i could be on my a-game with make-up and sweat pouring down my face and a bunch of BO babies gathered around me.
my body is covered in bruises and totally sore from dancing, and need i not mention that the floor was empty save for pitt and i?
magic. i kept asking dj nasty nav if we were embarrassing and should stop, to which he said no we were all he had!
he should not have said that.
a couple even pulled up A COUCH and dragged it to the edge of the dance floor to better watch us and not because we were so you think you can dance entertaining. more like, ungh, i need to invent a new word for this type of dance. maybe two words, FUCKING AWESOME.
me: how dumb did we look
Patrick: you not me ton
me: haha im glad i didnt launch myself into a table
Patrick: i’m glad i didn’t launch yoU
me: me too u tried
me: how dumb did pitt and i look dancing
Phil: surprisingly not too dumb
i’m waiting on some photographic evidence from fil.
oh right! part of my necklace is gone too, i took it off cos i am serious about dancing and threw it onto my purse. oh well.
the crazy old lady next door is on her balcony too, in a snowsuit, pacing back and forth i guess she’s agoraphobic and this is the only way she can get exercise, she does it all the time, i can hear her sandals scuffing away. way to buzzkill me lady, thank god for the divider between our balconies. there’s some sort of last day of kindergarten party going on in the park right now and all the little monkeys are partying away, this woman keeps yelling out ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO ONE TWO. ann-oy-ing. i can see moms with their mom purses chit chatting, all the little girls are wearing sun bonnets. cute. the lady is moaning in agony or something and out of breath please don’t poke your head around and look at me. i might put my bikini on though it’s a little overcast, we’ll see. yeah right i’m going back in!
oh one more thing, pity party me: WE COULD HAVE GONE AWAY TO A COTTAGE THIS WEEKEND but we can’t cos of nxne (fil is the official photographer for it)
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-UUUUUUUURNS
god i need a city break i need the wild i am a wild animal excuse me i have to be bitter for the next ten minutes
update: i just had some yogurt, my outlook on life has chillaxed a bit.
oh but now my ear is bleeding cos i picked at it too much i take back the life outlook chillaxing comment.
try feeling hungover out of your mind and this close to going in your pants (sorry i know that’s all i talk about) and eating this, what the fuck was i thinking?
meanwhile across the table you are looking at your friend eat this and proclaim every few seconds OH MAN is this ever good!
cid and i are cool now.
so i wasn’t even going to go out last nite then fil informed that we could get free chucks at the mod club show party, right, that’s IF WE HAD RSVP’d for it! what’s the point of all access if you can’t access the all? luckily brad showed up and worked his little brad magic and got us wrist bands, no chucks though, it’s ok i already have a pair. they were customizing them with a spray gun, white hi-tops with your name in fluorescent, so cute. anyway.
i went to mini alone to eat at the bar while fil went ahead to the mod club, i was sitting there chatting up the girl polishing cutlery wearing one of my tickle trunk outfits (denim vest, black t-shirt, short shorts, black knee socks and aladdin shoes) thinking oh great now she thinks i’m hitting on her when out of nowhere she’s like no offense, this might sound wrong but i could NEVER go out and eat alone and she’s heard through her friends that it’s quite enjoyable to which i said no it isn’t really cos the whole time you have to pose like you are cool with being alone and you are hyper-focused on everything around you and you feel extremely neurotic. then she said she’s gone to movies alone and i said oh i could never do that, pointing at my food see, i gotta eat, i don’t have to see a movie and plus everyone knows you’re alone when you go into a movie alone and it’s sad. i was going to give her my card and say i am going to blog about this conversation but i already felt self conscious from my lesbian outfit and being singled out for eating alone at the bar so i didn’t. i also made her feel bad by saying yeah and thanks for pointing out that i don’t have any friends, as a joke, then i got a text at that exact moment and said when you eat alone you have to text everyone you know to inform them that you are eating alone. comedy gold i am. that salad is awesome by the way, mango basil shrimp, i also had a tsingtao and laotian rolls, when i feel like shit if i just keep eating to pass the time i feel better.
oh and of course when i was walking over to the mod club some ugly wench try hard walking her bike with a dude who was checking me out says THAT SO DOES NOT EVEN LOOK GOOD talking about my outfit! i was crossing an intersection so i couldn’t turn back and scream CUUUUUUUUUNT at her ugly face. jesus that got me steamed like to the point of violence. i’m sick of this fucking city and all the aged bitter hipsters in it.
then sloan, i had a handful of drink tickets, gave them to tiff, everyone kept encouraging me to drink through it, no way not possible.
i looked at fil and said i have to leave NOW he’s like are you ok, yeah no i’m not i mean i just don’t feel well and then he goes yeah but are you ok, mentally? haha. which made me start crying so i got in a cab and cried in the backseat a bit, overtired overwhelmed and stressed, what a day. and the cabbie was yelling into the phone at someone at dundas square then asks me about nxne and my badge and i think it’s a ploy for me to hold it up so he can see my short shorts better, then i remember he saw me crying in the mirror, he asked me if i was ok before he dropped me off like all of a sudden he’s my therapist. i thought it was sweet. he said i was smart because i had a badge, i guess thinking i’m some big cog over at the music dept. he kept asking me who pays all the bands i’m like um the venue does? he was really impressed that i had a badge and said with a wave of his arm that i could go anywhere. yes anywhere i wanted, and i said yeah but i don’t want to my body can’t take it, he was confused by that.
then i ordered mama’s boy and had another eno fil came home after 1, i had to take a sleeping pill he was making lots of noise. i have no idea how everyone else is able to deal with this festival, gill hasn’t gone to bed before 5am so far, staying up partying with bands at the hotel, and up working the next day only to do it again tonite and then tomorrow. madness.
oh man i just had eggs benedict and almost shat and barfed my way home, not a good scene here right now people. also there is no hot water and the toilet wasn’t flushing very well til i unclogged it. it’s now time to say my favourite catch phrase I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN. i am teetering on the verge of spewing and desperately trying to make that not happen. so far i have had two enos today and a modest swig of pepto EXTRA STRENGTH, i had to buy another bottle cos i could not wait til home after eating at futures with alicia, i know i know i rag on futures like every second, it’s alicia’s fault, she wanted a sandwich, so gay. plus the waitress threw out the other half of said sandwich in lieu of wrapping it up to go, what a stupid idiot, the cause of which almost made me violently crap/piss/shit myself waiting years for her to come to our table so i had to leave and slowly walk along the sidewalk and let alicia deal with that. this day is the longest day of my LIFE. i had to buy deodorant too, i was out, alicia nicely chimed in oh HAHA your clinical deodorant as i was ungh-ing through shoppers trying to literally keep my shit to-gether. when we left the store she was reading out from the circular, shit like ooh seeds are on sale and i said can you just not say ANY words? what else. oh yeah i thought today would be a day of firsts, like, first time i smashed a guitar and potentially barf in the shower, but there isn’t hot water so i can’t even do that, AND it’s yellow. i will update you with more disgusting things as they come to me.
there was paprika sprinkled on my eggs benedict too, uhh i didn’t expect that, oh wait i’m lying i didn’t even have eggs benedict, it was blackstone eggs? salmon instead of peameal.
oh well at least now i am 2lbs lighter than i was this morning.
oh and my shoes from last nite are destroyed from dancing the fuck out of them that’s hysterical to me right now, if you saw how we were dancing you could put me out of business, i thought i was being soooooo graceful and flouncy free and whimsical, oh man i wish i could see what that looked like right now.
someone farted outside and i can smell it from here it so just wafted up onto the balcony through the screen door and INTO MY NOSE!
here’s alicia‘s pix from last nite that seemed way more amazing when i looked at them through beer goggles OMG YOU MUST EMAIL ME THESE I LOOK SOOOO GOOD THAT IS PROBABLY THE BEST PICTURE EVER TAKEN OF ME EVER.
and as a bonus i can’t even shower, the water isn’t going to be back on til after 2.
i like how you are all probably still picturing me sitting in a fart cloud even though that happened an hour ago and this is just a blog update within a post man i am retarded right now i am banning myself from the internet for the next forEVER.
*update* WHO WANTS TO BUY THIS GUITAR SIGNED BY ME I AM EXTREMELY FAMOUS YOU COULD FRAME IT, PUT IT IN A SHADOW BOX ON YOUR WALL, MOUNT IT, I DON’T CARE! highest bidder gets it. the rest are on flickr. right off the bat a chunk of someone’s guitar flew into my right knee, i was nervous i would be hit by flying guitar debris, and then it happened, and then on my last smash i smashed my right foot. it hurt. i got to keep my guitar. mine wasn’t as destroyed as other people’s, i’m kinda wimpy. lots of canadian celebs were there smashing guitars too, i don’t know any of their names. nhl players too. my hangover should kick in around 2 o’clock. tiffany chose all of her friends to fill up the rest of the 30 guitar smashing spots, it felt like high school sitting at our tables eating our buffet, i didn’t really talk to anyone cos i’m a shy guy also i didn’t wash my face or re-apply make-up so i felt like a disgusting greasy piece of shit rockin’ last nite’s face, i wanted to wear my sunglasses but we had to wear these dorky goggles.
oh the internet has decided to work again i’ll throw the rest up here now in a sec k brb don’t go anywhere you guys!
this plus 2 cups of coffee, i am not a breakfast eater, well i am, but i typically don’t eat til the afternoon, anyway i needed this.
being up early in a rock restaurant blaring jams when you are still annihilated from the nite before is an interesting experience.
ooh ooh behind darrin is an nhl dude, phone guy and i think the grey hoodie guy too, they sat beside us and were very, cliquey. i should have said something, hey i don’t know your name but i know you play or played in the nhl, how insulted are you right now on a scale of 1 to 10 can you sign my guitar?
free t-shirt.
i think it took 4 tries to bust it in half it hurt my hands to grip the neck, i held back, the wires were the first thing to pop out.
also, i was the only moron to continue wearing the goggles w/o realizing everyone else took theirs off.
thank you cid.
ungh my brain.
+++
hey raymi
<-- farker here. Loved the blog, very interesting. And it is a penis, much like a lot of farkers who are dicks. They wouldn’t know a pretty woman if one fell down the stairs and ended up in the basement where most farkers live. Keep doing your thing.
