this is my favourite store in the world because in it lives at least 8 cats and the owner looks like santa claus AND you can bring your pet to pose with him in front of a christmas mural and he’s dressed as saint nick and is very shy (he is always blushing) and tries not to make eye contact with us even when we are full on gaying all over his cats and have made it perfectly clear we are equally cuckoo for cats as much as he is and he’s the only guy who carries cid’s special (i know) food and fil takes a case of it every few weeks it’s like how we drive back to the ‘burbs just so fil can get his hair cut by his guy. cid has his own guy too. i’m beginning to think more and more that maybe i am not the mental one in this relationship.
aww i think this is the same white cat a year ago, the hair is shorter which means it was cut when the cat was rescued cos whomever had it before let it get all ratty and fucked. what a dick, it is so painful for the cat to have clumps of knots in their fur. here is what i said a year ago about this store/father christmas:
the dude who runs the place we go to get cid’s special cat food looks like santa, err, father christmas, and you can bring your pet for a christmas picture with him, i KNOW! he is a very gentle and sensitive man and a little bit shy too, i’ve been going there with fil for three years now and we’ve only just worked ourselves up to saying hi to each other, so cute!
eightish or so cats live in the store, all abandoned, most are siblings and they all sleep on the various cat trees and bags of dog food, it’s fun walking around trying to find them all then you pet them and get their purr motors going and leave.
we went to spadina gardens for dinner last nite so i could put my face in a plate of vermicelli, i am allowing myself one gluttonous stress meal this week, that was it and now we can move on from it.
we bought another wii game, mario super smash brothers and i like it loads more than the last piece of crap purchased. it’s stressful and colourful and loud and pretty and nerdy and perfect for tuning out the world. you know the winter holiday stress is on when all we do is play video games and watch every movie there ever was. i am trying to build a tent around my brain to shield it from thinking about every present that needs to be bought, last minute art show stuff (immediately after this show wraps the left-overs and some new pieces are going straight up on the walls of a new venue, and it’s a family hipster diner so NO TITTY paintings guh) fil’s bday, and a few other massively stressful things i am keeping to myself. so yeah i pretty much just want to jump out of a window these days, go to bed stressed, dream about stress, wake up stressed, stress stress stress. is it actually a stress reliever to blog about how stressed you are and go into detail about it, well yeah maybe only a bit cos the burden is lessened via it being shared but then you have this stupid post you get to re-read over and over and over. wicked.
TMI cutie.
yesterday was laundry day and my buddy was there, she reminded me that i slammed my face into the dryer door last time she saw me, cos i said oh i will try to be as fast as possible to give you some room on the folding table (i knew she wasn’t in the folding phase of her laundry yet, just makin’ conversayshe) and she said no no don’t hurry i don’t want you to hurt yourself again then chuckled as if it was the most endearing fondest memory shared between us and i went OH OOPS in the stupidest nerdy voice ever. i didn’t full-on slam my face really, whenever i trip or fall or whatever my body over-reacts in a comical stuntmanesque nature to protect itself from a full-fledged injury, so from each gaff emits a cartoon-like GAH BAH AHH UHH FUH YEOW it’s pretty fuckin’ charming if i do say so myself and is totally hammed up for my audience on spot naturally to make them laugh. the best is the peter griffin wince wheeze groan anyway where was i, after my face walked into the opened dryer door i said well at least there was an audience for that so she probably thinks i am like a stand-up comedian now. or should.
yesterday there was miles of silence between us after we did our usual discuss the weather bit to which half of what she says i have no idea what it is so i nod and go YEEA-HA a lot, i take cues from her and we have agreed that yes it gets darker quicker and that we don’t like it and that yes it is snowing rain outside, don’t like that either, and the day feels done by 4 cos then it’s 5 and dark. then a boatload of silence, uncomfortable only in the sense that there was a longing for more (sorry for the romance twist out of nowhere) i wanted to ask her if she lived in the building (despite being told that she works in the building) but then that would have lead to questions about me and what i am doing there and i am just not ready for that kind of commitment so i folded fil‘s underwear in silence instead.
i figured out that she likes me more the more disgusting i look – yesterday it was red sweatpants and grey sweatshirt flip flops greasy ponytail greasy face perfection.
i want to talk to her more next time, what other topics can we discuss that won’t get too personal? food?
i forgot to mention that the nite of fil and i’s anniversary dinner i told him from start to finish the plot of an entire episode of malcolm in the middle, no detail was missed.
i’ve threatened and promised many a time to share this little something with you, and now finally, withouth further ado…
yup, his mom kept it!
what is this coming to america?
fil claims it still smells like outrageous. um, it doesn’t.
maybe when i am feeling creative i will tap into the wank bank reserve and picture this and well, maybe not.
back in the zip-loc bag it went. his hair was actually down to his ass, this braid was braided from the forehead back, if that makes sense, his hair was all one length and curly!
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAhDSVBDRLIGBDR;IGHDFBGDF
i am trying to remember what fil’s mom said he looked like when it was down, a magician? oh man i am convulse laughing right now and shaking the couch. fuck what did she say!??? fabio? a composer? mermaid? single?
i am trying to imagine dating fil with long hair, i mean, we already look like each other enough as it is, god, two sensitive long hair ponytails hahahah. his ex before me had the exact same hair as him when he had this long hair, kinky curly too. man i am so fucking happy i missed out on that time. I LOVE YOU HOW YOU LOOK NOW DINKY.
barbie’s answer to antm, you know i am pretty feelin’ those thigh highs but you also know i am like 25 years old and not 8. ha even though i had thigh highs when i was in grade six.
what the fuck barbie? that hair isn’t even remotely close to being fashionable right now and why is it necessary to have MORE of IT? you are so desperately off your game i am wincing right now.
and now america’s next top model’s answer to america’s next top model, we couldn’t figure out if these were based on actual contestants or just invented non-existent chicks? what’s the point of the fake photo-shopped natural mug shot down there looking absolutely nothing like the actual doll? why bother? oh right, to SELL these things, gotcha.
looks like steph!
meet “madison” and “delancey” ugh, i gather named after the area of nyc each tramps around in. their BUY ME shtick is that they are digital camera pose-ready. a sad common theme throughout is the 2-for-1 packs of these beasts.
tres subtle.
fuck ugly boots check, red carpet cross-over pose check, oh look you and your real life friend can give each other piggy back rides what?
the next obvious move is tattoos of course.
i dug on this cos i remember that the accessories with my barbies were not on the electronic or technological side unless you consider an egg beater tech-savvy or oven mitts. it’s just neat to see and amusing picturing all that useless plastic in the belly of a vacuum.
why?
LETS GO FOR A LESBO BEACH CRUISE K? MMM’K! PUMPED? SO PUMPED! i am going to file this one under realistic. they may as well be driving a cloud.
speaking of reality here we go, pediatrician barbie. you know how they say the top whatever jobs are garbageman, doctor, old people and funeral parlour whatever cos ugh i cannot finish this, basically y’all a bunch of knocked-up ho’s!
see.
see. anne geddies barbie?
FACEBOOK PROFILE BARBIE I DON’T CARE HOW FAT MY ARMS LOOK IN THIS THING I HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE!
TODD MARRY ME SO I CAN MAKE A FACEBOOK ALBUM AND GET WALL CONGRATS POSTS FOREVS. ugh listen chicks from high school i could barely stand, you are making the internet cringe one picture at a time, it’s not a donkey race to betroth just to impress me cos i can see it in your fiancé’s face, he’s not into you and you aren’t into him, so don’t do it you stupid fucks! what comes after marriage? babies. i think it should be made law that you must learn how to spell if you want to procreate. you were the dumb kids in school STOP MULTIPLYING and i’m not talking math here!
(no i am not harshing on my friends who have recently married, i love you guys, you’re the real deal)
GAH! 2-for-1 make-up busts, how is it supposed to be fun to paint the face of something that is already painted? you just can’t be natural can you barbie, because that would be revolutionary and would sell, for sure. i’m pretty sure every store in the annex would stock au natural tree hugging hemp sweater diva cup barbie dolls.
EWW. so it’s cheaper to manufacture entire feet instead of going the distance and making extra heels?
sickitating AND racist, why are the black feet basketball player shoe-sized?
super duper harsh sigh.
ok if that thing roller-bladed into the living room right now i would barf and shit myself and faint then launch it as hard as possible off the balcony.
WHO BUYS THESE THINGS? they may as well be troll dolls.
what happens next year how do you top this one bratz? a hot air balloon?
see how ugly (and tired) i am in comparison look what you are setting your daughter up for ya fuckin’ geniuses.
whore speakers for web-camminz’!
hahaha that’s what your bangs look like when you wake up in the morning after they are newly cut. this is a head on a vanity for some stupid novelty reason that wears off immediately so save your monies.
and that’s it, i avoided an entire aisle of teeny weeny bratz things cos this got really depressing and boring and tired and fil had to pee.
here are the two other times i did this before, here and here.
the aftermath of the santa claus parade was so disgusting, fucking families and their mcdonald’s trash, chip bags, candy wrappers, pop cans, tim horton’s coffee cups scattered from bloor all the way down to fucking queen, just everywhere (check the comments of that post if you’re bored).
meet fredrique, he lost his eye in a fishing accident three years ago and is quite sensitive about it
i feel like i am friends with mario and i can’t stop thinking about playing it god i need friends.
haha he was reading VICE, what a phony, a real punk would have kicked my ass for taking their picture.
Love the website so I thought Id send you a pic I drew
rented live free or die hard last nite, i already saw a bootleg version of it, anyway it is great except for all the totally impossible things that happen which i still enjoyed. feh.
we HAVE to beat this fucking game so we can move on with our lives!@!!!!!!
i will destroy all the floor tiles around your feet and send you into another dimension with my moves
i wonder what it’s like to not be an individual. to live your life as somebody else’s idea of fantasy. for some rich golf playing douchebag to check off on his items to buy list. what a hollow life.
i am an artist. fil was like a pet gerbil yesterday, he didn’t leave the condo at all.
ok so here is my muchly anticipated irritating movie theatre experience post. (which i got paid for BURN on you!)
let me know when i should turn this into the drawings of me by other people blog.
it was good that we were dressed like slobs last nite, i like doing that when i get vip for some launch event, cos all the others take it really seriously they’re like ahmagod all day long in their offices, sharon i have to go to a launch party tonite whatever will i wear??? SERIOUSLY SHARON! then i roll up and eat infinity free hamburgers and drinks and breakdance (i did) and people loved it (they did).
what the hell i quit dancing why? oh right, for weed and boyfriends that’s right. GO ME!
whoever leaves me the BEST drunk dial email/comment tonite or starting now, gets a christmas card!
i asked fil to take a picture of me being domesticated and he asked why because i am an animal needing to be housebroken? i meant domestic.
that’s how artists make it, you just do art and nothing else basically so you are forced to succeed. there, and thus the cycle of lazy continues on a little further.
