sittin’ on hops.

right across the street from a penitentiary!

beth and her brew master beau!

i am also sick. again. finally. i’ve been keeping it at bay (vitamins, eccinacea etc) all week long and it’s hit me now. i knew today would be a write-off in that regard so i made the best of last nite. fuck did i ever. it’s not a full blown flu-like thing as far as i can tell, i think it might have a lot to do with allergies, here’s hoping.

this spoke to me and it said, “raymi, take my picture.”

i had too many things goin’ on, phone, keys, purse, bike, pizza thing. you know how it is. or maybe you don’t and i feel sorry for you.

then i inhaled it.

meet bodhi.

wasn’t thinking. why didn’t i take these???? IDIOT. now i will never know the outcome of the game show mystery or what the sundae surprise was. a dog? a sundae?! boggled over here dudes.

ughhhhhhh i hate those guys so much.

we had momo’s (is that what it’s called?) yesterday and we did not likey and are currently embarking on an unsatisfying food tour of the city. no joiners please, it licks.

beautiful creature.

very cool in a what is going on kind of way. oh then we bumped into xenia on her bike. she was wearing a kerchief and cute vintage heels. v classy and arty and cute. after that we bumped into sharpie and angie at the lcbo so we pre-drank at their place while bodhi met pierre (audrey’s papillon so adorable and the only dog i know who puts on airs and makes me talk in the gayest voices possible when in close proximity of) and the family had their first drinks following a two week cleanse. those guys cleanse their balls off i dunno how they do it i am continually in awe. kenny was lurking about too hi kenny.

made our way to gibson and woodstock stir crazy allison hopped a train to meet us there. she brought me a shirt cos i said my outfit was stupid. i forgot it in my purse. i am not allowed to take credit for it so next time you see me in a grey off the shoulder with a ton of feathers print shirt, it’s not mine.

bedcave hunglor party right now of course it’s in order.

brad hang this shit already! (fil‘s photo)

sorry can’t talk i am extremely busy placing two imaginary important phone calls.

oh whatever brad. fuck yourself.

i should have “accidentally” left with your sweater too.

luke (an aussie lad) was really into my gear. red plaid socks red pants, shoes that everyone down under takes the piss of, even babies wear ‘em. i say it takes brass ones to wear stupid plaid socks and any old guy can wear a plaid shirt right meanwhile it was a fucking sea of plaid rainbows (plaid rainbow is MY term btw when i was pretending to be kurt cobain/hole/L7 etc i decided that would be my band name, you read it here first) so then i jumped in on one and called them out but i was so loaded i could barely stand on one foot long enough to show my sock and my drink sloshed all over the floor. awesome. i think i did that at least fifty times in front of allison too.

look at my hair cloak. i should be paid to maintain that shit fuck it takes work. fil should be buying my conditioner, he’s the one insisting i keep it long yeah. i’d rather blow my brains out than sit down and add up my annual conditioner expense.

this couple would just not cut it out. when i pulled out the camera i had to beg them to go at it some more, then haitham’s brother-in-law (to be) made it even better.

the get-along-gang. hi wendi! that’s haitham beside me remember allison’s going away party post i said i had no idea to spell this guy’s name but he’s awesome all the same. well now i know how to spell it thanks to facebook. when is this post going to end i’m getting bedsores.

that’s luke. man, australian accents straight off the bat make someone seem way funnier than they are. lucky. not saying he isn’t funny i’m just saying i wish i talked like a kangaroo.

ewan and i go way back. shows eh?

girl can rock a heel.

finally everyone was kicked out (what event were we there for again? haha)(oh man i have more twilight bait but i’m not goin’ there cos it’s monumental so i’m zippin’ it if you need to know you can email me) and look it’s fil’s stress hand.

i could just not make jumping timed pics happen i think camera battery was a bit low. i just forgot what i was going to say, fil walked in the room and is now demanding attention. xoxox bye.

i will give you 100 dollars if you deliver me a breakfast burrito from sneaky dee’s, a mimosa, and then bathe me. it’s not a lot to ask really.

hai.

soup i made the other day, very simple. next time you buy a rotisserie chicken after you rip apart everything from it (you animal) throw it in a big pot half filled to the top with water and boil the bones, skin, fat even little chicken bits then let it simmer while you tie one on, watch a movie just make sure you don’t burn the house down ie. don’t go out. then you let it cool (remove from heat) for a few, pour it through a strainer into another big pot (unless you enjoy choking on bones) then pour that pot into tupperware containers, let them cool before storing in the freezer (so your fridge doesn’t go into overdrive cos you put something blazing hot in the freezer i can’t believe i have to tell you this) and there you have delicious chicken stock for making soup, rice, anything you need to boil that would be nicely jazzed up with some flavour. unless you are one of those sensitive vegetarians, in that case you can just eat leaves.

in this one i threw in two handfuls of vermicelli noodles (normally i put them in at the end cos they’re so thin and take seconds to cook but i figured this time i’ll put them in along with the veggies so they can at least absorb some flavour) one yellow pepper, mushrooms, and a handful or mesclun greens, several pinches of kosher salt and a little cracked pepper. takes no time at all really.

ok that’s all for the boring for now.

what’s this?

team hong kong showed their face.

aw cid you never know what’s going on.

sass explained what all this meant, um, i forget. all nice things.

gah my weakness.

i would never have liked this as a kid, funny, what a turn around.

her mom bought that cos she liked it, aww.

finally i can be rid of the manly stuffy ugly pad i’ve been using.

i think i want that skirt in red next.

BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA hey 80’s dad!

anxiously awaiting lost.

cid has made amends with the couch (right now he’s cruising right up against my left side and he is a fucking furnace like i get it you’re a cat, enough already) and matt.

not at all an awkward moment in time.

mail call what could it be…

NLX‘s new album has dropped and it is fantastic. (it’s been way too long since we’ve seen you dude!)

<3

i need a new bike toque. yesterday’s ride was nice and ear-achey, the wind just flies right through that thing.

right before i inhaled a stress pizza wrap (what are those things called?) and went to visit sharpie/samir’s new puppy, bodhi the boxer. she’s named after patrick swayze in point break. photos of that to come. adorablest thing ever.

yesterday’s outfit was definitely one for the hipster cliché books. whatever i’ve had that jersey since i was a kid and you were dressing like a frumpy potato. i bought it with my vacation monies from the patch at sauble beach.

we went to the pump (terrible mistake) last nite and shared the antipasto platter. no stars. the manager is fucking manic and a total hyper asshole i have no idea why he hasn’t been sorted out yet i bet if anyone ever said something he would throw a knife into a wall. completely ruins the already ruined atmosphere. we were going to go to kilgour’s for wings but a habs game was on so it was packed. anyway, pump guy, someone complained about a cheese stick or something and he brought it back to the guy’s face pointing at it and the guy just waves him away so the pump manager tosses it in his own mouth to prove a point all the while making menacing eye contact with me cos it was right beside us. he also told fil to watch his elbow as he was coming through. he took my ice away and i said no no don’t i need it, he snaps at me cutting me off saying super condescendingly I KNOW I WAS GOING TO REFILL IT. bro, i didn’t fucking ask you to you can’t just grab shit off people’s tables like some kind of mad wizard and lay off the caffeine you are going to blow a gasket. we are never ever going back, that guy alone makes the entire setting way too hostile, bad vibes. once you take note of him you can’t not focus on his spazzery.

on another note i am getting mad spam in my email, the same fucks who spam my blog comments have somehow infiltrated my email. i would like to personally thank them with a chainsaw.

is my site loading for you if you are not in canada?

i started out the evening as yoko ono.

i like this one cos steph and mads look like hot snobs and steph especially looks like kelly from 90210. five stars.

nice.

i want barbarella bottoms like that.

i had to change out of my turtleneck cos our area was right beside the radiator set to lava temperature. i was going to sneaky gym class change behind a jacket but mads ruined that by addressing the entire room so i had to go up to the can where a myspace gaggle of girls were huddled around their puketastic bud. buzzkill.

how many times did i reference eddie murphy’s coming to america rat tail? (impossible to find a photo of it online and this isn’t the first time on my blog i’ve made mention of that infamous braid am i going to be forced to rent the stupid movie and take a picture of the tv on pause? man the things i do for this piece of shit site). update: thanks to team rat tail a picture has been located:

and the movie trailer!

i am sweating just looking at those long sleeves remembering how hot it was in there ugh.

make me look pretty wait i know you aren’t working with me here.

mads’ presence alone makes green room appear classier than it will ever fucking be.

sarah said the twihards hated on me so much cos of my black hair and eye makeup ie. vampire appeal. speaking of, this is the kind of reasoning we are dealing with, if only i knew…

this is a postreject card.

siblings.

matt pre-beard removal.

g’aww.

i was missing out on the coming to america braid (sweating my anus off) so i stepped up.

kids.

bromancin’.

uh oh! they know that we know that they know that we know what’s up. don’t get lost now.

what do you mean i can’t take off my sweater I’M HOT! (do you know where that line is from?) nevermind, watch this.

don’t leave me.

fil does a brad.

hey guys don’t forget i’m also on twitter so if you have one of those jobbies follow me on there, thanks.

brosz7stachey from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

went for a tan yesterday i am WAY darker now than caspy up there.

ok from now on i am putting joke notes when i save these things. so far this is the most clueless i’ve been about certain postcards, like, what was the funny i had in store i must have clicked the wrong card to save? ugh. don’t get me wrong, most are blatantly obvious, but there’s a few that are quite the mystery. anyway here we go…

firstly, you and your mother are whores and secondly, BARF. why would you send this particular picture in with that statement? who are you the osbournes? don’t you have any friends to discuss your sexual exploits with? lastly, are we to think you are a 4 year old ballerina? seriously, dumb.

BAAHAHAHahhahaHAhAhahAHA!HAHAHAHA aw man solid gold i don’t know where to begin and i’m happy that i randomly placed this one beneath the mom daughter cum guzzling postcard. i walked in on my grandma changing once and i was paralyzed in shock, i was four maybe? anyway, it certainly is a jolt to the system realizing old people have pulses too/still. i say high five her for takin’ care of business, i bet she’s not as cunty as most biddies tend to be.

you deserve terrible things to befall you, like maybe a terminal illness for you or your child you smug fucking asshole, money can’t buy healthy. also, your husband is banging the secretary and your ass is fat.

oh looky-loo it’s our superior friend from the last post who thinks they’re better than everybody cos they don’t use plastic bags (seriously i don’t know ONE person who does anymore) anyway, don’t trip on your shoelace, bust a tooth, slam your knee and blast back into the squat machine lady. no wait please do. if the only secret you have is hidden exercise superiority i feel really bad for you. this is probably the most attention you’ve ever got. which is essentially why meat heads and exercise fanatic’s lives revolve around the gym, more more more attention please! it’s just never enough and then they die. yawn.

oh great a new addiction everybody say hello to the author of the next batch of retarded and made up secrets for the next several months.

OMG can i come over i LOVE dollhouses and miniature any/everything! someone replied saying that’s why they became an architect. no, fuck that it’s dollhouses or bust. architects don’t get to play with teeny butter knives and victorian sconces all they get to do is create asymmetrical modernist beetlejuice houses.

do NOT even get me started there, guy.

yeah this was one of the postcards i’m all ?? about. initially i maybe kind of see the appeal in wanting to burn with perez but then i dunno, why would you want to be irritated by the voice of a prissy chipmunk incessantly talking about lady gaga and rihana then ignoring you while he blogs for an hour? BORING.

that was really big of you letting that leaf in and all. props. just think it could have been sucked up by the street cleaner truck or worse jammed at the bottom of a pile of schoolyard trash forEVS.

OK sister you need to STOP being that preparation-fixer girl right now, you are doing everything wrong, whatever it is, it’s wrong, clearly. take a dude break, work on yourself, stop smothering guys when you date them and letting them near carefree chicks. BE one of those carefree chicks. maybe you are giving off desperation vapors or something, or maybe i have you wrong completely and you actually are the carefree last hurrah bang these guys have before taking the plunge. find a happy medium and be that girl instead. 1. don’t fix and 2. don’t be aloof, show you care and don’t be a doormat.

but i mail in smug postcards so my loser friends can feel even worse about themselves. guess what brah, happiness never lasts, especially when you’re flighty, which evidently you are. whatever glee crutch (i bet it’s a chick) is currently “working” for you right now, it will inevitably ditch (dump) you so see you in a few months “hardly ever”.

can you be friends with that girl who told her mom she swallows? can’t you talk to your dad about other things that remind him about your mother like, say, your mother? and how long can you talk about your period for even, five hours? next time please be less in my face like a panty liner commercial, write in wispy cursive penmanship and no fake blood splatter you shock jock.

thank you prozac nation these pill tongue images NEVER get old. zzz mental illness, pills, so hardcore and honest yeah yeah listen up people i take PILLS lets TALK about it yeah that’s right i’m medicated what’s it to ya BLAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP if it’s not working, make it work, do you want to feel better or do you want to be a myspace profile picture cliché?

a blog is a blog. a livejournal is a journal. get over it babypants.

i added this one only because of the response on the site (which was cut off somehow):

“I write emails in response to postcards in hopes I can feel less alone, but my comments are never below the postcard and I feel more alone than before, because I know someone who feels the way I do is out there, I j”

I RELY ON THIS BLOG FOR MY HAPPINESS AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS WHEN I AM IGNORED BUT NOW FRANK HAS FINALLY VALIDATED ME AND MADE ME LOOK STUPID I STILL FEEL ALONE THOUGH, I HAVE TOTES NO IDEA WHY MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE OR MAKE ANY EFFORT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS? NO WAY COULDN’T BE THAT.

so that friendship ended the exact second this photo was taken? wow you really are a shitty people person. how many photos of you with ex-friends have you got laying around? can you tell a relationship is going to end from the start so then you inadvertently do something to fuck it up anyway? or maybe you just don’t like pictures cos you look like shrek? so many unanswered questions this postcard is a painful memory of!

ok you wrote this wrong sorry, i get what you meant but you are calling yourself a racist for not getting a tip. however yes, that is extremely shitty to not tip and also be a demanding/demeaning customer, we all know someone who is this person and it is super embarrassing to have to sit through, it’s pretty much almost a deal breaker. i do not tolerate abuse/rudeness to waitstaff, even overhearing it from another table it makes my flesh crawl then i spend the majority of my meal focusing on some asshole trying to stare a hole through their fucking head. you learn a lot about a person based on how they treat waitstaff and how much they do or don’t tip. oh my god i am getting so steamed just thinking about this right now. anyway back to the racism thing, give some the benefit of the doubt maybe they actually are just pieces of shit cheapskates BUT if it happens to you a LOT and often then i’m with you, lets get ‘em. learn how to size them up before the bill comes so you can spit in their food. i’m sorry but if you don’t tip, then DON’T EAT OUT AT RESTAURANTS get yourself a frozen pizza you giant asshole. that person is providing a service for you so show your gratitude and pay accordingly scrooge and another thing, cheapness is not inherited from your folks, it’s a personal CHOICE! my mom was (i think she’s better now) the cheapest tipper ever yet i over-tip (though according to fil i don’t cos he OVER over-tips).

i’m so pissed off right now where is he i’ll fucking do it!

yeah this so was an accidental saving. um, i gave fil a beej on a pile of leaves/under some leaves (tree) once? yeah i guess i loved him enough to do that ha ha aha .

oh SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT UP! how do you wipe your ass? you’re going to die like that poltergeist girl if you’re not careful, she stopped crapping and then she died. (yes i know she had a weird bowel disease thing but anyway it’s called making jokes you should try it on sometime chode bomber).

brosz7 you sent this one in right?

and keira you sent in this one i know it. k jokes. this is actually v cute and funny i like it B b b but, some dogs do not belong in apartments, it’s just my O(pinion) ok don’t lose it like if you have one of those big horse dogs, let him stretch his legs jesus and tell him to shut up please i am trying to write on my blog about sweating and garbage, thank you.

can you try not to constantly re-describe this story with the words “abusers” and “little” and “body” in the same sentence, you’re giving away too much power to those pedophiles and not to be a counselor or anything but like, you’re the one studying for your masters to be one so wouldn’t you know all this shit anyway, harboring, repressing, blocking etc.? yes, get it sorted and don’t shift the hurt/blame to your counselor now and be a defeatist. yes it sucks to be told you’re not ready for something yet but i doubt it sucks more than being molested.

aww i want you to have one too place an ad! start hanging around jazz bars, act like you are john cusack in midnight in the garden of good and evil. trust me.

WHAT? is is waiting painful is what THIS POSTCARD IS FUCKING PAINFUL that’s what’s painful! make more sense next week thank you.

you have fat arms.

stop bagging losers and having expectations of them dammit! you look like you are 13 years old, you are too young for this shit and you know girls mature two years before boys so you are banging 11 year olds basically. of course they leave they’re going home for dinner! or to play jacks and read comic books. the only way to get a boyfriend to stay is to actually have a relationship with him and make him wait and wait and wait and SUFFER because suffering equals love everybody knows that.

oh puh-lease. did you bang satan? or a priest? do you want my help or not? he lost your faith oh no why did you give him that how can someone lose YOUR faith. that’s like saying fil lost MY innocence. not possible. ok fine i’ll shut up sorry your hymen is busted and someone else lost your faith ok sorry sorry! (this should be evidence enough that kids should not be having sex until their brains properly develop or they pass english class).

PAYCE!