had the bright idea to hit the pub about 4 (more like 5) to beat the friday post work rush. next time should head over for 3 instead. jeez louise. love people’s faces when they arrive, all gruff bitter HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE GET HERE BEFORE US HARRUMPH!
awesome porno camping towel, folds up into nothing, so soft, taught and teeny.
this is what i look like in card form. sigh bangs.
gay for christmas over here. little bit.
or a lot a bit.
pipeweed represent. holla, gandalf.
coug tumbler. (despite that probably being a leopard of sorts).
bottle comes swathed in velvet leopard print. pure class. the lighting makes this glass appear to be plum (blackberry desert wine + cran).
guy i don’t recall bambi being this fucking retarded unnnnngh. did they edit out the mom’s death scene or something, makes no sense and what’s with all the weird southern accents for the younger animals, kinda too flirty a lilt to the tone of their voice for how young-sounding the speaker is.
had a little get-together hang sesh with the fam thursday nite. both my parents’ birthdays fall in november. i stuffed this with scratch tickets. it plays happy birthday when you open it in hawaiian luau style. it was supposed to be an inside burn on my mom.
love message written on a 2-4 at the lcbo. oh man that place is a trip.
tested out a new powder that nite. won’t be goin’ with that one again. i have a nice natural organic hippie powder (non-ghostface killah shade) now (thanks alison!) that i pulled out of all my traveling gypsy junk. compared to my mom’s tanned face i look brutal. i am never standing beside you in a photo ever again.
then we all got loaded and played a game of dysfunctional scrabble.
i am so jazzed dominoes has held on to the philly cheese steak pizza.
follow-up.
rocky is all shaved now (dad you are insane). before/after shots to come.
welcome to my new friday feature: stoner chat (pretend there is a lightning bolt between those two words)(i am big on lightning bolts ok!) but it might not always be fridays cos you know, stoners and days, is this like, is this a…weekday? wait i’m not high yet BRB!
ok ready? BEGIN!
me: hi
whats goin on timmins
do you get free timbits there
ok i will locate a roach
Steph: our hotel room is so bush broken hairdryer and the cable is dangling against the socket so it only comes in fuzzy
fuck it im gonna smoke one too
me: niiiiiice
NICCCCE
Steph: wait i have no lighter
me: oh no!
Steph: hang on
me: matches?
Steph: ya gimmie 5 to get some from the front desk
k back!
me: wicked
i started a blog post title and lead-in
gonna get sean ward to design an image with our photos and our stoner names
Steph: hhahahahahahah
omg awesome
so am i supposed to ask u my questions
me: um ok we both get high
Steph: yes
me: ok
are u smoking a pinner
roach?
Steph: roach
me: there are 500 billion of those here
Steph: we have that at home too- this bowl with a lid i call the roach hut
me: hahhahhaa
theres tins everywhere here and some hidden in ashtrays
gross
Steph: i always rescue them from the ashtrays
me: me too so skidly
weed dehydrates your skin eh i think i got maje laugh lines overnite
i play that high all day long
Steph: i know i hate it hahahaa
me: gahahahha
WHY
dave doesnt feel it either
Steph: his face makes me mad and the beat makes me crazy mad
and i hate the way he sings
me: wow
Steph: hahahaha
me: tell me how you really feel
maybe you need to come from an ecstasy background to appreciate that style
Steph: i know i shouldnt mince words
maybe ya its just the opening few bars make me want to kick my computer in the face
me: ok we’ll do a music special another time
Steph: hahahahaha
me: i had a question then i forgot it
ok so when yer baked online do u send emails to say professional types and then re-read your email or just send and then flip out maybe u went too far
i ask because i just sent a two word email to someone TWO WORDS and i am over analyzing it
i said whats instead of when
Steph: dude what professional types would i be sending emails to
soap central digest
me: HA
Steph: how did you use whats
me: if i said i had a connection (hook-up) with your soap what would you do
Steph: did you even use an aprostrophy?
me: NO
Steph: omh
omg
me: hahahha
Steph: hahahaa jk
me: i have no connections there sorry
Steph: hahahahaha
me: i dont even know the name of it
Steph: of my soap?
me: weeks of our feelings?
months of their journies
Steph: hahahahaha
brb
me: k
Steph: you know how you always hear about people trashing hotel rooms like crazy trashing like shit on the walls and stuff why do people do that
me: because theyre fucked up drunks high
they get hotel rooms to party in
then i guess wig out
or theyre van halen
Steph: hahaha awesome
is van halen the band with the one armed drummer
or is that def leppard
me: yeah. he sucks.
kidding
trying to remember these van halen jokes
OH
Steph: DEF LEPPARD
me: that was when scott monk was over
Steph: ahhahahah
me: remember
Steph: thats a hilarious name
me: it is an awesome name
Steph: OH YEAH
so whats the answer tho
me: i cant stop staring at your caps lock
this chat is going well
hahahhaa
Steph: hahaha
me: i dont even know what im supposed to answer
HAHAHAHHAA
Steph: ahahahahha which band has the one armed drummer
me: so in answer to one of your weed questions
oh um google it
Steph: hahaha i like how much of the ceiling there is
that was an umcomfortable pony tail night
umcomfortable
hahaha new word
me: oh ok so i noticed that when u drink or get high your hairstyle changes a million times
thats your equivalent to my changing outfits 60 times
i dont do that as much when baked
too lazy
i could wear rags
Steph: i do that when im sober too man
UNLESS im having a good hair day
but basically on non shower days i play with it constantly ya
and i only ever hang out with you on non shower days
me: non shower days man
good idea but you know bad idea in the end
Steph: exactly
me: my hair is so long it is so burdensome to deal with
Steph: are you gonna edit out the boring parts and the parts where im not funny
me: days i dont shower its so rasta i braid it and can begin a whole new braid from the end of the first braid (i will post a photo of this sometime)
Steph: does it get tangled underneath from scarves in the winter?
me: yes
Steph: so quickly too eh
me: it gets jammed under my back in armpits
yeah ill edit this thing somehow (no i wont)
Steph: k good
steal my sunshine is on much more music right now
me: i was just thiking about that song
love it
Steph: nice SNUG outfit
me: LEN
ha
hello
(i have not washed that shirt i’m wearing since this nite, february 2 hahaha. the shirt requires i sew on the thing on the front of it before it goes in the wash otherwise it’ll come right off.)
Steph: oh hi
me: i just realised i was sitting in silence
COOL
Steph: hahaha i do that lots
me: oh we cool everything by the way
thanks for that
i even wrote something down about it
Steph: what are you talking about
me: left a light on the floor a lamp and it was super hot i said thats safe
COOL
then i tried to open a door with my left hand and a beer bottle in that same hand
COOL on that
like COOL LIFE
then died laughing
cos it happened immediately following the almost burnt the house down hot lamp COOL
i said COOL, SAFE!
Steph: i just totally didnt get what you meant by “we cool everything, thanks for that, i even wrote down something about it”
i was like waaaaaa
THEN i got it
me: ahhhh
i just unearthed a wicked ingrown
Steph: can you change peoples dumb titles of things on youtube?
me: if u save the video and upload it yerself
Steph: exhausted groan
me: yeah i know
Steph: did you know that nelly and tim mcgraw have a song together
me: i only had like two tokes eh and im on my ass
Steph: its TERRIBLE
me: eww
Steph: yeah
whats the weather like there?
me: sunny
not too bad
but once it gets dark itll be cold
Steph: its so cold and rainy here today
me: aww
Steph: i wanna say something off the record
me: ok
THE END (takes bow)
if you read all of that you are amazing. see you next time!
She Does The City and i had a little get together over email and i finally got around to answering some Qs. ew when people say Qs i feel really grossed out. for some reason i picture the library from my elementary school and the super long beanbag snake chair we all sat on during story time. weird shit. ok here is a blurb:
SDTC: Do you think of yourself as different from your blog alter-ego Raymi?
Raymi: Only when I learn people have pre-conceived notions of me and say as much when they meet me and realize I’m not yelling and screaming and terrorizing the room. People can talk a big game on the internet BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE INTERNET. How I write is how I think and I do some thinking in real life too. Everyone wears a different hat for different occasions; I don’t see what the big interest in my personae is. If I’m able to write a paragraph and you liked it, guess what, I wrote it, that was real. It happened. What’s the big mystery? Or are you asking if I’m really bitchy? I think at root that’s what a lot of women assume/want to know (it’s happened) – if I were a man this question would never be asked, we would just allow him to be and take him for what he is.
join my extremely hardcore gang it costs 20 bucks and you get these stupid glasses plus protection too. we go out in roves for moonpies and pennywhistles, we never swear and we dance for old people in nursing homes.
grab a copy of the metro today and look for sofi’s column, cut it out, mount and frame it, hang it on your wall. or just read it on the internet.
anyway, my two cents on that thing is maybe everything was what it seemed all along if i wasn’t ever smiling. no one bothered to ask. JUST SAYING. ok i can tell i’m premenstrual when i think yell-typing is comedic.
I was watching The Colbert Report last night and he discussed a news story
out of Vancouver (like most geo-ignernt Americans I have no real idea of
where you are in Canada) about a woman who is going around randomly kicking
men in the balls. I immediately thought of you even though I haven’t
checked out your blog in quite a while (tyranny of the crappy computer). It
seemed like the type of guerilla-conceptual-performance art movement that
would require a true innovator, which we all know you are.
I’m not going to say that I hope this movement catches on around here, as
my boys bruise easily, but it’s a novel idea nonetheless. I’d also like to
note that you appear fine, fit, and prosperous which is beautiful. I’ll try
that beer and o.j. thing and check the blog regularly once more.
Life is a cabaret – two drink minimum.
— Admiral Farragut
one more place i’m mentioned (for now). kate is a magnificent writer i have no sour grapes. she gets it right (most of the time). though i’d say i’m more reactionary than i am sensitive. reactionary because i’m sensitive maybe. definitely. probably. i really liked her use of the word albatross. turned it over and over in my head last nite, numerous times.
anyway, somewhat related, came across this postsecret yesterday (remember those things do you miss my take-downs?)
once i got passed the terribly confusing way that sentence ends i thought well fuck, be grateful you’re not a blogger then. if you only knew. i am often asked how i deal with online hatred, trolls, name-calling, incessant relentless constant torment. i think it changes from person to person. i’ve always had a strong ability to distract myself for the sake of self-preservation. if there was chaos around me (yelling) i’d read and play music, tune it out. i guess my brain orchestrates a circus up in there for me or something cos sometimes the things that get said about me oh shit if i spent more time considering such things i’d swan dive off a building. drinking helps too but we all know how helpful it really is after all. it isn’t. the thing most annoying about this blogging shit is the real life people who get in the way of it, who make assumptions. who say really shitty stuff about you behind your back to relatives and start family wars. i have taken it from all sides, basically. for years. being the bigger person all the time is tough. i know they’re reading still. obsessively. do i want to smear the hell out of them like they did me? yes. do they deserve it? absolutely. will i do it? no. not worth it. they don’t deserve the attention. the same goes for troll commenters. ignore delete delete delete. that’s how i deal. i forward out the comments to a few close friends, we try to decipher who the piece of shit is, make fun of them, then move on. once i ban them, naturally. don’t swallow it all on your own, share it with people. i can remember a time a year ago i was getting it really really bad, i lost seven pounds in two days over it but anyway i was told that it would “ruin us” or could if i focused on it too much or talked about it. wrong. NOT talking about it will ruin ME, it bears no consequence for you. so i silently took it and it changed me. hardened me. made me skeptical of everyone, people i considered friends. ugh.
if i wasted my time trying to figure out why people say the things they say or feel the way they feel about me then i’d have a really popular blog. oh, wait… as always i have so much more to say on this topic but it’ll have to wait.
next up on the agenda dun dunna nuh! (trumpets): DEPRESSIVE REALISM.
i’m wild-eyed i think cos this was shot the day i ventured into my old naybe to collect my stuff. that was a rough day. also it was raining. this was pre-breakupsplanation blogging so this actually has nothing to do with (for once) breaking up on the internet, just purely coincidental. i had told joe a little bit about it (splitsville) when he arrived and he was like uh do you want to talk about it on camera? um no! thanks though news scoop. anyway, he wanted to use more of my verbose footage insights but yeah, short news clips are how it goes. we will be doing a feature sometime in the future though.
the lyrics to this USS song are hilarious. makes me laugh my ass off if in the right mood.
Stationary robbery
I stole your pen, so you can’t even write again
I took your HB, 2B and your sharpie
Your protractor set, laptop and PC
Now you can’t write, nor can you type
Let’s just say your office supplies are really tight
You can walk and talk, but you can’t use chalk
I’ve even got your blackboard on my jock
I cock back your stapler with my hole punch caper
The Grand & Toy bandit cause I’m their paper clip taker
Stationary robbery
I stole your pen, so you can’t even write again
Finders keepers
3 ring binder weepers
Death to your desk, I’m the cubicle reaper
No ethernet, no internet, no email, no
Actually I saw your modem in an old box at my yard sale
Frustration
You lack a power point presentation
No pointer, no laser, just a pencil with a wore down eraser
I own your paper, stapler and your hole punch
And while I robbed your office
I even stole lunch
Stationary robbery
I stole your pen, so you can’t even write again
dear aunt raymi
I had a dream about you last night. I’m sure you get that line alot. Sorry. I think you were at a family gathering of mine with a friend of yours. The pseudo funny part is that Brad Pitt was also in this dream, and I dropped everything to talk to you and only you. Gay much?
Anyway, I’ve let your blog influence my life for a couple years now, and I’m ok with that. I think I grew my hair out because of you. Ok, no. Not really, but maybe. I consider your blogging an art form. you’re such a strong, beautiful woman, and I greatly admire you for that. With all that’s going on in your life, I just wanted to share that with you.
If you ever come to Chicago, I want to know and be your friend for an hour or more. We’ll get Mexican or Chinese food cuz that’s my diet.
Now it’s time to do my dishes or something like that.
went to a rock store last nite and was amused to hear them listening to the new tegan and sara record. amused because one of the chick employees had a tegan and sara haircut. i was smirking the entire time about it. secretly. internal smirking. reminded me of this: watch clip 4. sidenote: can you believe i haven’t seen real tv in over two months? i can’t get over how much i used to watch it (evenings) can’t say i miss it. maybe some shows but yeah, real life is better.
ok that’s enough investigative journalism reporting for today time to get high, drink more coffee with cougar cream booze and vacuum this fucking place. i just picked up a mountain of dog hair from along all the kitchen baseboards. impressive and sick. no wait, c’est amusant!
