i’m trying to think up the best theme for my art show other than complete fucking rage and drunken annoyance and faggy typical hipster crap.

one girl shit-talked me somewhere on the www. i don’t remember where exactly but she said that i wore “annoying mod clothes”

wait, what?

are people allowed to be annoyed by other people’s clothes? and i wear mod clothes? fuck that i wear whatever i can get my hands on, the cheaper the better, the more used-up and oldschool, classic, better even. i do not own modern clothing and i do not know anything about brand-recognition other than things i remember from a magazine that falls on my lap from a cool person.

what i do know is how to put things together, how to style things effectively and if that is annoying to you then you should put your fat fucking lips back to your bong and suck until you get zits all over your moustache.

i am so irritated when girls say to me oh do you ever walk down the street and see people and think i could help that man/woman with their outfits?

and i go, no, not really, but if they asked me i would help them put it all together in a way that would flatter their bodytype using what they already own, just sort of re-arrange stuff, however i also consider the fact that it is possible that these people don’t want to be helped, dear friend, so there is no reason to be thinking i could help them, got it?

i am annoying because i dress a certain way to appear to be secure with myself and it is annoying you because i am not dressing like you because i would rather wear ten dollar pants and the same smelly shirt everyday and go to the zoo and have fun all at the same time while you are reading my blog and being annoyed by it.

do you find that photo annoying and mod? it’s a halloween costume. and yes i was annoyed by having to wear that skirt in highschool for a whole year but now i have a conservative catholic school skirt, so there.

if i was uglier they might like me more and if my writing was rant-less they might hire me and if you had been nicer to me and did the nasty with me i wouldn’t have cheated on you with my ex because you were busy pleasing yourself instead of laying me because i was smoking all of your weed and being driven around all over the city by you taking photos of everything and behind my back you were coking women and i had no idea because i was in such a delusional cloud of insecurity and fear and you kicked me out the nite before the sex tv interview and i had to do it in my ghetto apt. instead with my friends in the next room listening to me blow it, completely.

i finally figured out in the car with you that you wanted someone to be mean to you because you were use to that sort of thing but that is not what i do i can’t be mean to people i am loving and i told you this on bathurst outside of sneaky dee’s and you kinda giggled and went silent because you knew i was right and then we were on spadina and you were going to push me out of the car and it was moving and i was like fine i can’t fucking handle this anymore, i was ready to leave you at any given time because you were such a monster, a complete monster of a man

but at the last moment you grabbed the strap of my shoulder bag and said you just couldn’t do it you couldn’t bear to see me go or some other controlling crap like that but you did take my cigarette and throw it at my window and hot sparks of cigarette flew all over my everything and it hurt but i sat there and took it over and over again and your roommate hated me ‘cos i was always there and he was your best friend and best friends should never be roommates when one has a terror of a companion because she is in this terrible mess

and everyone knows what is going on they see it at parties in public in homes you are always there and she is smiling and laughing and drinking and drugging because she is so ashamed that she is raymitheminx suppose to be this big strong badass and she is with this man who is destroying her and destroying hisself at the same time and now he is friends with all of her friends and has effectively convinced them to see his side of it all because they all live down the street from each other and have blogs now and they miss her they say because they inevitably realised that hey this girl was a nice girl to us, we used her, she paid for everything, she let us move in, we stole her shit and lied about it she had all these parties she let everything happen for us

no wait she is crazy, crazytheminx, heheh that’s pretty funny, eh

focker, you spat in my face, you smashed my stuff, you locked me out on the balcony in the winter and i was naked you put hot pizza in my face you got me to quit my job to “take care of me” and you gave me zero money i had to beg borrow and move on and go away

fuck you loser, fuck everything about you, you have my friends and you constantly lie to them about everything because you are a user, abuser and a loser

i am not afraid of you anymore

you didn’t have the courage to punch me in the face

you’re nothing but a heatbag

ps it is in your better interest to get around to emailing me and transferring all of that website info over to me, i have waited long enough, some people are trying to get their act together and it’s hard with your constant delay. you have ’til the end of the week. thank you.

pps good luck with the rest of your life and yes i will never get over this.

i like your site, im relatively new in toronto after livin in a bunch

of different countries and people are really fun to tease here, you

seem to be quite good at it, your pretty hot too

J

yeh i love making fun of people but not to be mean moreso to learn ‘em

about how ridiculous it is to take yerself so damn seriously with the

scenes yer loyal to

R

toronto folk are quite sensitive, uninformed, boring, stale and

conservative. very silly. the city needs more creative leaders with

talent. whatever the case its fun to make fun of them.

i need a balcony with a view of a busy trendy street. its fun to drink

and people watch.

J

i get all angry but happy at the same time to be amongst the peoples

they care so much about how they look and they are so pretty and

unique and it’s like i want that one, oh wait that one is prolly

taken, oh wait yep i’m right, that asshole! then u do it to someone

else.

sjfhs;ofhrewfew

R

well thats the thing hipsters do not want to read about hipsters

hipsters HATE hipsters

they want to read about scummy cool dangerous people because everyone knows that hipsters are big pussies and all they do is read chunky dictionaries in farty arty dark bars with candles all alone and they butt in on other people’s conversations to say something annoyingly clever and then they turn to their friend and say zoltan! and snicker.

ha!

From: “Tony C”

To: “‘Raymi Lauren'”
Subject: RE: special party

Date: Mon, 1 Nov 2004 11:29:00 -0500

Nope not me.. I’d have to be way more arrogant and at least booze and carouse

with hoochies to be a rockstar. It’ll only lower your blog rating. Besides

blogs are for you young hipsters. Though if you ever make a blog for the

elderly

or almost elderly I’d be perfect and I can give you a bulk rate on content.

—–Original Message—–

From: Raymi Lauren [mailto:

Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 10:13 AM

To: “Tony C”

Subject: RE: special party

i am putting this on my blog because u are a rock star

>From: “Tony C”

>To: “‘Raymi Lauren'”

>Subject: RE: special party

>Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2004 23:56:30 -0500

>

>About me? hmmm is someone willing to pay for it? Cause I’ll make shit

>up for a price.

>I have a tech addiction to support. lol I’m doing good had a couple of

>accidents but being I’m semi unbreakable and I bounce I’m be back to

>action soon.

>Foccusing mainly

>on business and staying out of trouble. Was in TO again last summer

>causing mayhem on the danforth. Think I got on the news that time. Or

>so I heard. Had a youth regression and went to hip hop concerts in

>bryant park as well. shamefully most of my video from that was the

>hoochie dancers but hey I like dem hoochies. Got a couple of new jobs.

>Moved several times. Most recently last month. Stopped hangin at most

>sites.

>Proclaimed myself

>innocent and pure as the falling snow or a baby lamb. Decided it was

>better to go back to hating people first then decided trying to snap

>those that piss me off in half only leads to lebgthy trials which my

>best friend who’s a defense attorney vows to get me locked up for being

>stupid. Other than just chillin waitin for scary terrorist shit to

>happen one day.

if time is of primary importance to you folks, i can, for a trifling consideration, provide you with super fast service. – comic of waitor with rocketpack jet on his back talking to customers.

you never smile so you will never have crow’s feet

not disciplined creative intelligence can be a burden

the year of zoloft and modern lithium

that was so sacreligious

how do you spell it

sac with religious

pretty bored yet feeling elitist, no, personable. this is fun, interesting and i’m glad to be on the other side of the nerves-factor for once. these people really want the gig-thing.

do not take me for some conjuror of cheap tricks

i gave you too much love and worship

ward said

i tried a piece of the deep-fried banana and it tasted like a banana and i don’t eat bananas, i don’t eat anything that grows

and then i said to ward

well what about chickens, they grow and you just ate chicken

and ward said

yeh well there is a whole process to chickens, the catching and slaughtering but with bananas they are just lazy, they just, grow.

there is no honor in eating a banana.

ward you are so right.

in the coolness-know.

Raymi

jennifer!!!

ok that disturbed me, when i was 12 i was not plotting how to screw boys, i was fantasizing about rock stars and writing about that, i didn’t have this thing called msn, i didn’t even have the friggin’ internet, my friend dan did and we’d go there to write emails to random businesses on the web and the emails were something like this, “You’re a homo and you suck your own penis and you are so ugly and you’re gay!”

you know, mature stuff like that, and then we’d rip the hell out of the company, i think one sold fishing rods or something and we made lewd fishing rod comments, and then dan’s dad got an email about the whole thing and dan got in trouble but not really, well sort of, ‘cos we were suppose to be working on our geography project but janet kept walking in and telling me she was fat and i was like no u aren’t shut up you are pretty dur dur dur

anyway, this jennifer girl who emailed me, i refuse to respond, i am actually considering abolishing the how to be a slut article because people have taken it way too seriously and i am still being emailed about it but now it’s coming from little girls? sometimes men will email me and ask my advice about their wives screwing around on them and then i write long emails about what signs to look for when really the problem is they are just not meant to be or their needs aren’t being met, i dunno.

the world is fucked and so are people and they are all on the internet and they are all looking at porn and cheating on each other and now little jennifer is wanting to be just like me, so, now what?

oh and ps jennifer i do not fuck every guy that likes me, i apologize if it appears to be that way, but it isn’t that way, i am actually quite a loyal person, these days especially, and i wanted you to know that.

damnit.

now i have to decide if i am going to wash my face or not or if i should go get coffee or juice or eat something or take advil though it’s all of the above the washing of the face is the one that gets me

if you know me personally then you’ll know i am of the dirtbag-persuasion and that stems from the following:

1. lazyness

2. lazyness

3. too busy talking about lazyness

4. too busy making “funny” comments or thinking them wanting to write them down or taking photos of the same stuff everyday but maybe this time it will look better?

5. not caring but caring only about how much other people will know i am wearing make-up on top of make-up because of

6. lazyness

7. sdfihdsfhdsvnewirtu43598743

8. i am hungry

9. shut up

10. i hate that the number ten is a two-digit number and now my list isn’t congruent

11. i will at least brush my teeth

12. this list is awesome

13. well it is the weekend so it doesn’t matter how trashy i look

14. right, this isn’t toronto, there are important rich people walking around with their families

15. DAMMIT!%$#@*

16. i could wear my ninja outfit

17. ok that is just weird

18. though pretty funny plus i am laughing out loud, sort of

19. i wish cats could speak

20. asshole cats

so ya, i guess i was always manic, i just thought about this three half-seconds ago, i was thinking about how i can hammer out all this thought-tangent nonsense really fast and it was like that in school too – i wanted to do it as fast as possible and i didn’t care how shitty it looked, it was perfect in my eyes and i didn’t care if ms. HAG wanted me to draw that mountain less-ugly i was like screw that mountain look at that seal, that seal is WICKED! and she was like, F.

kidding, she gave me a B and i was down with that because it was close to recess and i was in enrichment anyway and soon to be the valedictorian on account of my loudmouth “getting along with everyone though annoying the crap out of everyoneness”

this chump tole my mum oh isshe gonna coast on that valedictorian crap forever?

yes chump, i am, because you were not a valedictorian and that’s why you are ripping me for it, and i don’t give a cuss-word that this was in grade-school, i don’t give a cuss-word period and that is why i reminisce about school because i did and said a lot of funny stuff and i was picked on and teased just as much as everyone else and i am young still and i remember a lot of things so i write them down and talk about them to entertain myself and others, not to brag or to indulge

‘cos when my mum told me they had chosen me i was confused because i didn’t think i deserved it because by grade eight i was slaaacking ‘cos i was so miserable and under-challenged and by then teacher’s had grown-accustomed to my bs and offering to read my assignment first because i was too impatient to sit there with the thing in front of me on my desk not being shared, it was like fire, @#$%, get it off my desk now, my peers have to hear what i wrote last nite, they have to hear it now

anyway

i was flat and had a big nose and i was tall and sort of skinny but then started being all insecure about my body weight ‘cos of those dumb girl magazines and because i was a brainer though a COOL brainer, people hated me more i guess so my phsyical flaws were their blessings, you know, chumpface?

this post was only suppose to be a ten numbered list with that funny engrish picture and now look at it.