i smacked my head on a doorframe under the stairs of alex/kane/sherri’s new place today. i was in this fun little storage space, crawling around with the dogs, and then it was all THUDSMACK and then UNNNNNNNNNNNgh. i had nothing to do and i was done making lame comments about butternut squash and karate poses and everything was unpacked for the time being and they were too polite to let me dust/clean/move furniture so i just had to entertain myself by playing dungeons&dragons with the dogs.
no one laughed aloud when the THUDSMACKBANGMORON noise happened ‘cos it sounded pretty painful but it wasn’t really, just sounded that way and i wasn’t bleeding though should have been kuz i had hit the frame pretty hard, boggin’ my noggin’ at quite a sharp angle.
i was more concerned with my recovery line which was, “i’m ok it was just wood.”
i also hugged and kissed the dogs a lot and let them eat my hair because i am part autistic and i only leaned against the freshly painted walls once and messed up the paint, ok well, i leaned the bedframe against it as well, so i guess that counts as twice.
and i also will be tending bar/waitressing/mouthing off at some someplace somewhere somehow soon.
moonlighting is my favorite.
get one of neil’s shirts because then people at bar’s go bwahaa and then you wear one under your work shirt and when no one is looking you take off the fancy shirt and then you are wearing a barfing guy shirt or one of the other designs and your coworker says you are a flake and you go, yup.
ps fil and i spent a good ten minutes whipping my tube sox at each other’s faces instead of going for a walk at one point today.
that’s me on the right with the short-dyke hair trying to be as far away as possible from the frat-like shenanigans because i felt uncomfortable with the whole fitting-in thing. for the most part everyone was friends before our exchange program to england began and had formed cliques, you know, that schoolish crap that’s exhausting and a total waste of time when you’re [me] trying to get shitty and be above it all and have one-nite-stands and have totally awesome stories to tell at breakfast the next morning while jilly and sally are talking about dad’s credit cards and the ugly purse they got from harrod’s which cost 90 quid.
gay dogs, not lying.
this one guy got his face totally messed up by these punks in oxford and he was rushed to hospital. they smashed his face with a brick ‘cos he was a mouthy stupid rich kid in their part of town, and was “marketably attractive” before this whole brick incident occurred.
the moral of the story is – don’t mess with british punks when you are a white canadian boy who looks like eminem.
things i have done this past month that i never told you about:
went to see muse. they are a band from scotland, no, ireland, no, russia. right. they were nice to me because i was standing at the side being a good listener taking photos of other nice people and standing in front of other people to take these photos.
also went to niagara-on-the-lake to see the importance of being earnest and it made me want to get married, like, married yesterday.
gone to the diner quite a bit and other establishments and various other stores and highways.
i saw team america twice.
i have the weirdest hang over ever and i am also sick and i didn’t even want to drink last nite but i did anyway because i am cleaning up my act come monday so this is me celebrating the end of a bender so if you bump into me later tell me good luck and that you will still hang out with me and my shaky ex-drunk hands at the bar and not talk about me not drinking as much as you and the possibility of falling off the funwagon because i am a nervous scared rabbit whilst sober and i will hide behind your jacket when you introduce me to people and they will go, guh?
and then you have to put up with this blog turning into the remembering about booze blog.
i’m also going to start preaching about stuff again.
oh yeh i bought some canvases and paints and crayons so i can do that art show thing.
my mum’s birthday is today. happy birthday.
i painted her a picture.
i’ll take a picture of it so you can see how juvenile my thoughts are.
so last nite i demanded ward’s company and he drove all the way from the hampton’s to eat pizza with me and talk about the time he meant to pull just one hair out of my head when i was on the computer but he ripped out 6 hairs instead.
ward told me he has ADD with a sprinkle of dyslexia, so now i get it.
ward said i am allowed to write absolutely anything about him here so i intend to do that because ward is amazing and does not care about what anyone thinks of him and when we hang around his best material comes out because i am sitting at the bar and he is drinking pop after pop and if i don’t react to one of his dumb stories then he tells it again and he just goes on to another one in the middle of telling something else and i am already thinking about my own ADD and looking at my scarf and ward starts putting my mittens on his ears.
he said he had to write mass-email responses out to the customers of the computer place he works for and then there were reply-alls making fun of how he wrote his responses because he puts periods in the middle of words and starts writing a new sentence in the middle of the first one and everyone was all, what in the hell is this guy trying to say? he is like attempting to explain the most simple of concepts but it comes out like this:
t.he format by interface refers to the product and how the format, diversifies the to, ip sanctioned.
basically.
and then we were driving and i say to ward ok here you turn left, this is my left hand and so that is where left is and he says my left or your left? and then started laughing like a donkey and said i am so wicked funny.
when he ran out of things to think about that were funny to say to me i said tell me something else and he said well i ran over a squirrel and i said did you mean to run over that squirrel and he said, yes, but it was already dead.
the bartender gave ward free pop which was very nice but ward had told me he had had 4 cups of coffee already and i said shouldn’t you not be having caffeine, don’t you start thinking about really strange things with all that fastness in your brain from the caffeine and your ADD?
and he said something in response to that but i forgot what it is, something along the lines of yes i do, i stay up and think about my ADD and watch star trek and look at my three computers. i’m a nerd, a mega-fucking nerd. and i said no you are not you are ward and you are awesome and he said yes i am, but i am also a nerd.
and i said ok fine i guess you are but nerds are cool nowadays, you get to be arrogant and make people feel of lesser-intelligence because everyone picked on you when you were young.
ward then told me of the time he chugged a whole carton of orange juice in grade ten and he was sitting beside the hottest girl in class and then he started farting like crazy and everyone was polite about it but the whole class smelled terribly and it was the same class, math class, that he always fell asleep in because it was right after lunch and he would buy onion rings and hamburgers and all that stuff that makes you want to sleep so he’d totally pass out drooling all over himself and then he’d wake up and make a really strange noise and the whole class would laugh and then he would start laughing too because everyone loved him and everything he did was funny and then he started laughing louder than everyone else because he doesn’t laugh normally and then the class would be in hysterics until the teacher told them to shut up.
my friend the jesus is awesome, he got punched in the face by a bunch of ginos and had to call the cops on his own house party and he was all bleeding by the time this girl showed up to the party and he was like, yeh.
