i am getting excited for tonite. i am going to be bartending now and i got someone else to sell drink tickets. it is a fashion show in a church. this is good cos i am a fashion expert and i know a lot about booze.

me: i am a fag killer now

Phil: whuh?

me: all fags should be burning

im kidding

Phil: what r u talking about

me: IM KIDDING

Phil: but i have no idea what you’re talking about

oh

me: it doesnt matter cos i am kidding

dont you know how to read words

Phil: you mean cuz of that gay guy who was being inappropriate

me: YES

EXPLOSION

holy retard

this girl yesterday told me she was all PC about people using the r word

i say what is the r word

and she says retard

i say how about spastic?

then i asked if it was because she has a retarded brother or something

then she showed me a burn she had on her hip cos she spilled hot coffee on herself, fucking gross, no, fucking RETARDED

“i realize this, may be misconstrued as being incredibly racist, but all i’m trying to say here is that caucasian babies are generally more precious and valuable that Chinese babies. That’s all.”

he also hates gays.

i updated the about raymi blog.

you’re welcome.

oh and here we are onstage for metric at arts county fair. back when my hair was yellow wtf!?

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY

Monday, March 08, 2004

i think the madpony girls are fucking boring and they make me want to i dunno, something. and what’s with one of them being called lauren? that’s my real name, u know. but it’s pronounced Luh-ren because it just is. these girls are lame and they make college life seem like an episode of a dumb tv show that gets cancelled after half a season. show us your vaginas already and stop posing like the olsen twins. and holy fuck who the hell wants to email your dad?

um so my laptop is never where i am at so i dont update too much, that’ll change and not like i have anything remotely interesting to say other than to talk about the blister on my foot from disco rollerskating. and also went to gay hip hop whatever nite where i felt fat ugly and totally ignored all nite long. fags make me want to kill myself. apparently i was being looked at. then went to slut school and missed last call. then went to some after hours place upon which i ate a banana during the short walk over there. i dont even know the name of the place, i coulda been lead(led?)to a scary mean person’s car for all i knew.

i hate djs they think all the music they play’s all fantastic and magnificent masterpieces and they never play what i want to hear. i’m like look you pathetic piece of shit i am the best dancer you will ever see and i can do stupid waltz jumps and leaps and fall down trying to breakdance and i need to hear such and such a song and you are ruining everything by playing this fuckin eurocrap jingly idontknowwhat. and they always go yeh ill play it and they never do. im gwanna bring a boombox to the next place i go.

and when i go to the bathroom i always feel inclined to make chitchat with the other ladies but i cant think of anything to say other than lying about how nice their shirt is and where they got it or i say, herheh are you the line-up? doi.

i order all these movies and then forget to watch them because i change channels.

i went to the clinic today and my family doctor wasnt there kuz of a family emergency so now i have to wait two more days til i find out about my internal organs. how selfish is that?

this is what some of the wall in my old crawford ghetto apt. looked like upon us all deciding to get the fuck out of there and leaving a nice welcome to yer new pad for the lesbos who moved in afterward. fuckin fuck i hated my landlord.

the cats here are crazy like they’re being chased by invisible animals. i swear one of them flew across the room and into the blinds and totally destroyed them. so funny. and my other cat we got his hair all shaved off so now he looks anorexic and all skeletal but has a big fluffy head of hair. we build forts together in my bed. i’m so lame.

i want an under the table job because i am like so bored.

im sucha whore. i had this book thing that i was working on and it was all about being miserable and lame stuff like that and i thought no one wants to read that shit so then i thought i should just write about all the boys and girls i ever humped but then i started counting and realised how much a ho-bag i am and decided fuggit.

funny thing, madpony.com disbanded the VERY same day i wrote that shit about them girls.

i just realised it’s my first boyfriend’s birthday today.

the video shoot yesterday was pretty decent. long, boring sitting around being catty to the other extras and hearing them loving talking about themselves, one asked if i was always this caustic. ha.

the song is rad too and i’m not saying that to be all OMG LISTEN TO IT that’s gay – they’re an up and coming band so they say and the video concept i liked, the song is called dream machine, the band – major maker the video stars MEEEEEEEEEEE.

it was shot in derrick beckles’ pad and i wish i had my camera cos it’s full of VICE tidbits and cool shit everywhere. ungh.

the producer told me i was in the top 3 running for the sam roberts video i went to the casting call for and i don’t think he said it cos he wanted me to blow him i think it was true.

tonite i sell drink tickets somewhere for sweet sweet moohla and i have to wear black pants.

BEN TUCKER did these.

here is the video that inspired these.

i just spent 134 dollars at h&m. woulda been less had i not got fil a cardigan thing. everytime i go there and come back with ten more somethings i already own but in different colors, fil starts crying and smashes things cos he wants new clothes too. so there you go. i got a new bag. i tried on every fucking pair of jeans there and none fit me right or look good and the dressing room girls were giving me ‘tude and i just knew they were whisper shit-talking about me. wtf it’s hard and depressing enough trying to shop for pants i don’t need some dumpy ass short bitch making me feel guilty for one extra trip back to the jeans section.

and for anyone who works in a change room and says OH THAT IS SOOOO IRRITATING WORKING IN A CHANGE ROOM AND LIKE, PEOPLE LIKE, TAKE SOOOOOO LONG AND GO BACK AND FORTH FOR MORE CLOOOOTHES!

here’s a hint slut, DON’T WORK IN RETAIL, DON’T WORK IN A CHANGE ROOM, DON’T WORK IN CUSTOMER SERVICE.

i am getting nervous about the video so i hate everyone right now.

oh the cabbie on my way there knew all about h&m and he said i have clear skin and my lip stud looks like a beautiful diamond and suits me very well. i wish he could have gone pants shopping with me.