Here’s a picture of how medium I am. Why does that sound like SUCH a diss. Remember the mean model from ANTM Bianca told that one girl she was practically obese and the girl was actually a size 0? FwahaAhahah. Becoming heftier has opened my eyes to fat-bullying/shaming and it ain’t cool but it is awesome to be able to see my genitals again when I look down while peeing and not have to lurch over my paunch I feel like a ton of you know exactly what I’m saying ahah get it tonne of you?

I’m at that incredibly annoying life juncture when you’re about to join a gym but you feel like your life might be about to dramatically change and then you join the gym and move away? Or you might not and then you’re still here not being a member of the gym you want to join? Also I’m becoming addicted to working out now. Everyone has a gym membership story. Everyone gets charged by a gym they don’t go to anymore or when they finally un-join, get charged still anyway. We used up all the free passes now so I have to bite the bullet or do I? I mean I should right cos there’s Aruba. Soon I will be able to run again in the cold so that’s good. Oh my god that was so boring of me apologies. I will try not to talk about the gym as much or if I do it will be about how much more I’m getting noticed and I don’t feel like a fugly slug anymore yay confidence.

I’ll be going in to the city later so this little party is me-time, me Monday, I thought it was Tuesday. I’m drinking this chai tea right now it doesn’t taste very strong or maybe that’s cos I’ve lost the sense of taste. Drinking something weaker than coffee after two coffees is like is this going to get me jacked cos if it’s not why bother. I do like the taste though and cinnamon is an appetite suppressant. I lost my hunger cravings and you know what it is actually day 14 of my Ketogenic diet and not only do I not know how to count, tell time, or end sentences, I have the hunger for carbs headache again and I was wondering last night how long I will be sticking to it for and will I balloon up like Violet Beauregarde if I stop? Say I cave after two months or do I gradually have a bag of chips or fried calamari, slowly re-intergrate bread in to my diet right now bread kind of repulses me. All these questions. I’m not bloated anymore, I don’t over-eat too much, I haven’t had chips or chocolate in 14 days it blows my mind too as well it dements it fuck it’s worth it though man cos I am not wearing kaftans this summer or shoulder covering-nonsense. I hope I keep my butt though, and boobs. My arms will be the last thing to get thin and my bro said my face looks like it lost weight.

I forgot to tell you I almost chipped my front tooth on my way out the door on Friday! I did chip it but it didn’t crack but some of the enamel on the inside came off be careful about your front teeth they’re awful thin well mine are at least Christ I am SO damn lucky I didn’t break that fucker off. Can you imagine me at my audition I thipped my twoof. Ugh. Also, guess what bozo was doing at the time to cause all of this yes that’s right taking a swig of vodka from the freezer bottle for courage and train-riding amusement. I hate the Go train. I mean I’d rather be transported by egg-carrier lift something out of Munchkin Land. The only reason I hate it is the anxiety over missing the train because then you have to wait so much longer for the next one and don’t get me started on co-ordinating a ride with my mother it’s getting to the point of massive resentment and like it really pains me to bail on parties all the time but I can’t feasibly go to a party downtown come home do it again and again. I need to live downtown NOW or I need to seriously move away because this is making me cray Jamaican me cray.

So playing with my sharpened inside of tooth bit has taught me a lesson to slow down during this hysterical energy burst period that also coincides with spring. Sometimes I get hyper and act before thinking or just a beat behind taking four steps at a time you know what I mean? Being safe and not a goof is always better. You know Tory on Mythbusters? Bike fail? I feel like I’m always one hair away from being that guy. I am that guy. Watch the clip it’s hilarious.

Okay this post is really about nothing.

Michelle gets cred for mentioning Pee Wee’s bike fail too and it made me find the theme song which is DOPE incarnate and will light a fire under your ass today.

Then I went for a tan. I don’t know why I am making angry face I’m probably sucking it in as hard as I can is why.

Progress progress! So glad that skinnier girl walked in to my frame ha whatever. Kay bye.

Sunday is the day of blogging. If it’s not for drinking Irish style. I just uploaded 70 photos it does take a lot of time to do. The day went by and now it’s 4:20 haha. I want to go work out with my bro so I’ll come back to this post likely after our work out but I may as well put something down. I am happy to report that I have lost weight, am on day 10 or 11 of my diet and I’m in the ketosis euphoria state of being aka MANIA it’s radular!! Plus my ear medicine is helping my metabolism (bonus) and um, I’m just happy now. I like being single. I’m appreciating it more. I love company don’t get me wrong but I just “have a lot going on” so it’s kinda easier to be focused when you’re alone.

You think you’re cool cos you live in Toronto? You’re a bitch because you live in Toronto. #futureburn. I love these clean lines, the uniformity don’t you? I met Paul Stanley standing right here basically I was 16. It was a moment for sure.

Time to pump iron brb. These are going to be the weirdest collection of pics ever lol sorry.

Hey I’m back. I feel great. Leslie I am taking you to this joint next you’re in Toront-ho.

I am predictable. I like what I like my comforts are my own, I seem to habit the same haunts. I forget that this place sometimes gets severely underneath my skin too though, especially tourist Saturdays.

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I have so much energy I am in such a happy mood good grief! I think I got my mojo back. Or I am in ketosis euphoria. It’s just nice to wake up with energy again, not lethargy (well as much) and just feeling back in general you know. Waking up not offensively depressed is great and it’s prob due to the fact that I drank less yesterday so there you go alcohol IS a depressant only took me 29 years to agree.

I’m getting all this energy out here so I can go finish preparing for my audition. Reason numero uno I feel so powerful today. Well actually it was really once I got all that awful bad feelings out on to my blog the last three days, the stunting is over and now I feel relief and then, all these amazing things started happening for me yesterday. I feel Raymazing. Even though I have a clogged ear, can’t hear 100%, I feel super cool.

Hopeful. Hope is an important thing to hang on to. I let go of it TBH and then look what happened. A series of things.

I just wrote a chunk in my on-going, growing word doc book it’s kind of neat moving from one insane rambling story telling thing to another and somehow the story keeps flowing and making sense.

I was a little tired getting up today and worried that my “one of a kind” (that’s what they said!) personality would be slow to trigger for today’s big day but not no more people full-personality central. I just watched the clip of the show I’m auditioning for and psyched myself out a little bit but also gave me adrenaline nerves so now I’m going to dance it out while I put on my tights. I have no idea what I can tell you about it but it does conflict with Aruba so if I get it you know what that means. BUT if I get it it will be kismet or bershet? Anyway aghhh mind going a mile a minute but they just want me to be myself so, okay, who am I! I know the casting director from two years ago and I couldn’t sign with them cos I was locked in to another contract. Yes it is real, we are not the only one who sees the spark I sometimes ignite and well anyway she writes me yesterday while I’m at the ear clinic right after a man was hitting on me – for some reason that bun is magnetizing I almost want to wear my hair like that today but I’ll just show them a picture of my various looks blabbity blah dudes it’s been great. xo rlw.

Okay lets do this I have about as much time as it takes for my mother to go on a walk of DT Borington to write a post punctured no doubt by photos of my melon.

I’ve had this shirt since I was 18. Here I am at 19 wearing it.

Peeps were 0% accepting of blogging/photo-blogging back when I was 19 so I am NOT SMILING HERE.

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Guess what? HI! Ha. Nothing gets by you. Welp. I am STILL DEAF. I have no one to blame but myself and my online doctor Arran diagnosed me by agreeing about the q-tip ear stabbing so that’s that. Ah gad now that I’ve begun with all this “sharing” I feel like there is just so much more to tell you guys! Where to begin? With how stressed I’ve become over the minorest of things? How much weight I’ve gained? How to make your face prettier to distract from your ballooning up? My drinking problem? Holding everything in for months and posing like a statue when people come near you so that you are rendered invisible? Looking relatively normal and then people treat you normally but thinking oh my god I am not normal look at this idiot treating me with courtesy and respect. This is the blog of a neurotic person I think. I am finished talking to my family and they are with me so my extra energy that would be implanted on to another being, friend, signif, it goes nowhere but to the internet so you are welcome for that.

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