my modest little friend.

fucking art.

fil was in an eating spiral

birth.

held off on these chiefs.

have you ever bumped fuglies to shitty tv porn on tequila whilst being pregnant with tacos? two words: par tay.

this was all last nite/yesterday, we walked 10km today. JUST SAYING, FATFACE!

livin’ on the edge much aerosmith?

sorry if my hilarity is inconveniencing your 18 hours of DAILY SLUMBER yeah no i’m not.

ps rippage, bring it crybabies.

coming from someone who has never been sexually abused or raped i think there is nothing wrong with you at all, i think you’re fucking awesome to be able to carry on with your life, not allow some shitty incident control you forever and not be one of those WAH WAH WAH my life is FUCKED women on oprah, dude “took” something from you and you are letting him win by bearing this burden and let it paralyze you for the rest of your life the best thing you can do is keep your chin up and be the happiest person you can be.

oh one of these chicks, GREAT. so did you jut out your stomach and arch your back “for weeks” everytime he walked in the room? how about just punching him and then wait and see what happens? ps. it’s LED my ex to believe not LET, how’s oshawa?

first of all way to blow it did you write it on a banner and hang it from your bedroom window? your parents suck, tell them to fuck themselves and move out. what kind of mother do you have? yeesh. tell her she is ugly and fat and you were faking your laughter when she pushed you on the swings.

DON’T GET ME STARTED!

you are child what? and no, blowjobs in cuba are more of a priority right now i don’t have time to “miss” things. way to place your last “zinger” at the bottom so it would be cut off.

so you obviously want to get with the wife but why were you snooping through their computer? red flag: CRAZY.

terrible, awful, get out or call child services on your own house, you are destroying your kid, worst mother ever.

this just in, water is wet.

here’s something that will brighten my day, FUCKING OFF. adults who say when i grow up and giggle afterward and refer to themselves as BIG KIDS make me feel extremely violent. do yourself a favour and keep this ambition of yours a secret.

and what the hell would that be a fucking baywatch pyramid with you on the top, you aren’t brave enough to do that in real life? you have a better chance of being struck by lightning everyday for the nest 365 days, retard.

+++

blowing my ego comment of the day award goes to kymberli

Its sad to say but I am a total closet Raymi fan, Have been for years, but have never, ever posted anything on your site haha, I just like reading, and checkin things out. I think alot of people aspire to be like you haha And you know what…when I 1st discovered you, I didnt tell my friends b/c i was like she is the best person ever, noone else I know should know about her haha, well, things have since changed b/c those friends of mine I feel are worthy and really would appreciate some insight to what could be, and how to be a free spirit, I tell them about you, so in total ive only found …umm… 2 of my friends worthy of your coolness, haha

I’ve been going through my archives, trying to fix all the broken picture links, etc. and have been finding some funny old posts. I found this one, which isn’t really funny, and kind of boring (I wonder why I even bothered to post it) but it’s interesting from a historical perspective. It’s your mother’s first time on MSN.

i have a huge following on msn.

+++

Lisa says:
i had a really long dream about john last night

Joanna says:
what happened in teh dream?

Lisa says:
we were at a party or something. and he was there. and i said
something dirty to him, as i tended to, and then we were in this room
with all these people and this one little skank was flirting with him
and i was just yelling abuse at her and he was oblivious.

Lisa says:
then the skank turned into raymi and i realised that raymi’s boyfriend
is way hotter than john and she wouldn’t be all skanky and whatnot.

Joanna says:
hahahah

Lisa says:
pretty gay dream. it’s like “i miss john but i LOVE raymi”

Lisa says:
gay in the correct sense of the word.

samir’s.

sharpie’s.

not ours, should have been le sigh. are you guys tired of le and sigh yet?

kenny and seb, mother theresa, really? that’s funny?

ok who ordered the swede?

tracy has a crush on some jew at her old gym i told her to say something hilarious to him on facebook like wouldn’t it be hilarious if… and she screamed IF YOUR DICK WAS IN MY MOUTH!? i was shocked and appalled well i never! heh.

last i saw her we was bumpin’ asses on the boat dancefloor i was laced to shit it was magical.

no chins here, oh, wait, nevermind.

lookit sharpie that little scamp she should have her smile TM’d.

samir is building a school in egypt.

SOrry i busted you for being a patio prevert.

sad betty every picture i take of you makes all these crazy effects explode all around your head prolly cos you are asian, no? graphic designer computer camera joke anyone?

fuuuuuuuuuck finch. nice new haircut. karen’s headband is adorable.

wait what’s this NEW thing all the kids are doing?

MY smokes.

samir, my dad has the same shirt, scroll down a few posts.

here is the first grown-up electronic list for fil i have typed i feel super old now with a curly fro.

le list

supermarket
————

tacos, a kit maybe
taco sauce for the meat
lean ground beef (not turkey)
lettuce if you want, maybe shredded half cut i think u can get it that way
the tomato i have is big enough depending how many tacos you plan to eat
maybe grab one tomato
onion – to mix with meat YUM
red/green pepper (maybe?)
sour cream (the real stuff i dont want watery barf nothing flavour)
jalapeno
cheese
margarita mix

lcbo
———-

tequila
beer, corona, dos equis?

OH MY GOD i just google image searched tacos BIG mistake.

me: did you meet him

Xenia: no i had to run in and out cause i was running late
i wasnt sure on how to make my move!

me: yeah i blew it

Xenia: you didnt go at all?

me: yes we did
go to my blog
i didnt say hi to him

Xenia: howcome?

me: read my blog

Xenia: ok i will i have to go get a bunch of sushi for the hangover time now
i punched mark last night now i am a slave for a week
it was worth it though

me: oh man
why did you
u are in trouble haha

Xenia: i dont know he was annoying
its really bad though i shoudnt do that
i think i’ve been saving that one for a while though

me: he deserved it?
fil would call the police if i hit him

Xenia: eh sort of i dont know he was bringing up shit from like a year ago i was reeally irritated
really he would haha

me: and trashed?

Xenia: yeah

me: he would to teach me a lesson

Xenia: huh
hmm well mark settles for sushi

me: you are in the doghouse

Xenia: i have to bike to the sushi place now fucckkk i hate biking hungover
uhgduhifhgdiuhfiuh
ok bye!

fil you give me such a boner sometimes my my.

despite being part black something aimoo says she doesn’t like the black ones (candy) ha. ps. you are a mongoloid if you think i am seriously racist.

ron sparks was nice to me this time.

i like this guy cos he dresses like my dad.

dear you are jealous i have really skinny ankles.

a new low

me: so few hits today
zero comments

Phil: hmm people must be on holiday

me: sigh

Phil: sigh

me: sigh

Phil: sye

me: harsh sigh

Phil: seh high
me: sigh
no i want a long string of sighs to put on my blog
go now
sigh

Phil: sigh

me: sigh

Phil: sigh

me: sigh

Phil: sigh

me: sigh

Phil: sigh

me: sigh

Phil: sigh

me: siiiiigh

Phil: sye

me: hmm
sigh

Phil: thhbbt er sorry… sigh

me: sigh
ok enough

+++

SO CUTE!

please take the time and VOTE here a thumbs up for me, thumbs down will just be your opinion and nothing against me you ugly trolls, everyone else give me a THUMBS UP please i will tell you the reason why next month you will like it.

this guy has been leaning against my wall for months, finally painted it how whimsical.

it is loads more fluorescent in real life, pretty vibrant.

onward.

this place won’t last, the service is amateur, food good, if they can just get over their insecurity and phonyness they might stand a chance.

the bartender was the only one allowed to wear a tank top, she had sleeve tats, everyone else looked like they work at future shop.

fil had the rotisserie chicken sandwich with spicy cornbread which wasn’t spicy.

quarter rotisserie chicken with choice of two sides for 7 bucks, pretty decent. dirty bean rice (ground pork in it, awesome) and potato salad, not that amazing, i gave most of it to fil, just wanted to try it, i think there is also coleslaw and other stuff i forget.

the chicken is amazing i would go back and order a half, next time. the waitress did a dumb thing and took my napkin away that i JUST unfolded and used only once to dab the corner of my mouth and fingers with i said uh i’m using that still wait wait as she is walking away with it and she goes uh we don’t like dirty napkins on the table the mess and motions with her hands like our table is a great big mess (it isn’t) that’s what the brown paper towels are for and i laughed politely wtf, i don’t like to kill the planet and waste extra paper towels if i don’t have to. i wondered if they were trained to do that or she was just a nervous anal moron. fil thought it was pretty dumb too and made the rest of our meal uncomfortable. i had to use his napkin after that which was totally messy when we were through and she did NOT come back to take it away. it really pissed me off. there are buckets on the table to throw your bones in but i only had one chicken bone, fil had none, they take the tabasco sauce bottles out of the bucket for you like a big fucking theatrical event when the food arrives and tell you to just throw the bones in, unnecessary for just one bone also a waste to clean it, like taking my napkin away that i just unwrapped. idiot.

i also overheard the tat-sleeve chick say that the national post was on their way over i guess to review the restaurant, how ironic.

the dirty rice and beans is very good, get it.

food good, service bad, too many people on schedule walking around like nervous knobs.

then i went for a tan, forgot my goggles had to use these sticker things that cost a dollar something sigh.

ooh complimentary mint i am moving up in the world.

dude on the right is so thrilled to hear messages from god on the subway, initially the j. witness was sitting beside me gabbing to someone else and i thought uh oh what if he talks to me what will i say they usually start off with are you a christian, then i say no and i don’t plan to be. sometimes they just won’t shut up and don’t give you an in. i saw ten of them at the jays game why is it always guys?

he walked all the way down the stairs outside of the rogers centre reading his harry potter, probably on his way to wherever the girlfriend he doesn’t have isn’t.

i look really shitty here, that kid behind us kept kicking our seats, there were 100 camp kids all around us, hyper spazzes yelling it cured me of all desire to have one of my own someday.

british cousins.

out of focus uncle wearing practically the same shirt as my dad.

super polite and shy, into sports, you can imagine how our conversation went.

gretzky’s, how he likes ‘em, NO SAUCE!

dad’s, look it’s wayne’s number on the bun (upside down).

then mealtime again with fil:

i ate the tentacles myself this time.

HAHAHHA.

“Entertainment Tonight” correspondent Gina Glickman (billed as a “Lohan family insider”) blows the lid off a conspiracy so wide-reaching that it may never fully be uncovered. That’s right, someone was out to get Lindsay Lohan, who “didn’t even know whose clothes she was wearing” when she was arrested for DUI. Here’s the whole shocking tale.

if this doesn’t make you get your period and cry yourself to death then your heart is cold and black.

remember last year all i ever put up were pictures of me hungover what the hell?

my nose is especially big in this picture i was trying to capture the beautiful essence of my hair can’t do it this morning as last nite was suicidal sober nite.

we have relatives from england in town i am sort of freaking out over what to wear, something conservative (pfft yeah like i own conservative clothing) yet hip but we are going to be sitting in the sun all afternoon so it has to be loose and breathy, fuck, i might have to wear a bra i have some ideas but all those conservative clothes are too big for me now, and they have to see me looking skinny cos last time they saw me i was likely twenty pounds heavier and this one girl is 16 i haven’t seen her since she was 2 (she doesn’t remember me and has only seen me through pictures where i am drunk laughing and have ten chins and have beady witch eyes and pale skin cos relatives don’t know how to use digital cameras) and she has to think i am cool so i have to please everyone sigh. i hope she’s not at that snotty teenager oh god you are such a loser nerd 24 year old stage cos i definitely can’t bust out any of my dick jokes that would win her over what do teenagers like these days emo shit i have to go look at muchmusic’s website now SIGH.

oh i have that ill scarlett cd someone at sony tell me right now if it is appropriate or will i get cool points i know i will be like here you go apparently they are cool right now like i don’t give a care and my dad will sigh really loud.

oh there is also an extra aqualung cd kicking around here good thing i just looked at their myspace here you go this band is a really big canadian band uh they’re from the uk? right ok. oh wait nevermind i’m keeping it i like this music.

update oh shit i just went to ill scarlett’s myspace which is basically just an ad for the cd holy offensive headache ps. one of the band members has dreadlocks this is going to go over well.

+++

before i met my ex bf he made me this song to help brainwash me into being his gf i don’t think i ever linked it, it’s pretty good, i was 17, what a pedo heh.

here listen:

minyx soup.

he spelled minx wrong, we fought about it then i gave up.

here are the lyrics:

once upon a time there was a cool red minx
just a baby
too young to order drinks
her sweet smile drives me wild
in a sick little fuck me (?)
sweet red hair everywhere
i play the fool but i don’t care

raymi raymi drive me crazy
raymi raymi drive me crazy