so here is another story about the annex.
last week, or the one before it, i went out to this whimsical disposable income store on bloor, you know the one where there are kooky soaps lotions wrapping papers magnets notebooks shit you don’t need but great for last minute presents no one would ever buy for themself, i went there to get wendi a birthday present, it was hot as hell and i am in a hurry to get back and then walk to the party in kensington, i’m pretty hungry too and totally spaced out i must have circled the store five times before i settled on a ron jeremy pin and a notebook that you write down new bands/artists in, the label, recommended by, she works in the music industry, perfect, cute, fun, bla bla blah.
ok so i pass on buying a gift bag, overpriced, waste, too big i don’t want to carry a huge gay bag on a hot day when i could just stuff it in my purse and we also have road vodkas to bring and tallboys, so i pass hoping and/or assuming this whimsical little shoppe does the brown bag with handles thing and curls some ribbon on it for you, i ask the dude (gay crotchety with a limp, not ragging on him, just observations here, normally it’s hot skinny young spinster chicks or feminist short hairs manning the ’til ha manning, feminists) for a brown paper bag he says no sorry YOU GET PLASTIC (oh i’m wearing my pillowcase dress if this helps with the setting for you) in his head he is thinking (this occurs to me as i am leaving) that i am a tree hugger and i want to save the planet and NOT to make my present look more presentable for no additional cost, i mutter a haha it’s a gift you know, he doesn’t hear it, i pay and stuff the present in its tiny plastic bag into my purse and he says in a total cunty tone OH WELL YOU’RE GOING TO HIDE IT THEN ANYWAY! like accusing me of being ashamed to carry a plastic bag instead of simply being lazy, he is like, beside himself with my audacity to ask for a paper bag and then accept the plastic one and “hide it” so i turn and it clicks in my head he is thinking i am a granola soap sliver saving boring poetry slamming typical customer so i say in a jokey tone of voice ha yeah i’m killing the planet yeah. but he heard it as YOU are killing the planet and as i am walking out the door now he SNAP SCREAMS after me IT’S BIODEGRADABLE YOU KNOW!
firstly, no, it isn’t, secondly IF it were it still causes harm to the environment, thirdly, why are you YELLING at a customer who just dropped thirty dollars on your whimsical shitty useless merchandise? FOURTHLY why didn’t it click in your head that i was buying a present for someone do you think i buy shit for myself like that daily? fifthly, why didn’t you offer to wrap it for me like the women do who work there, in that nice tissue paper that makes my heart sing and then i thank them in this total lesbo girl crush grateful voice afterward?
oh and then i told this story at the party and one dude ARGUED no corrected me, MY OWN STORY, that the shoppe guy was actually joking with me and i was wrong WTF! excuse me can’t you tell i am doing a bit here way to blow it some guy at a party with a kid who hates me!
that’s my story.
