so these people from niagara falls came up to our table near the dancefloor at the horseshoe because they are friends with one of us, and guess what, it’s so dark back there you are basically in a dungeon, you can’t see shit, so we did not know that they were even there to begin with, and then they vanished. i go outside and someone in our group said yeah my friends said you were all rude to them and sneered at them, no wait, i can’t remember the word, i think it was sneered, anyway you get the point, apparently we all sneered at them and were really pretentious because we were all taking pictures of ourselves, and we are really rude. whatever niagara falls i don’t have night vision goggles ok? i DO remember introducing myself and fil to one of these people who did not run away crying actually, which would classify me in the NOT-rude category.

it was stated that these people have a hate-on for toronto because toronto is rude to them. WRONG. it is actually them being rude to toronto and have an incorrect pre-conceived notion about how they will be treated by toronto and ps. it’s called social skills, use them next time. also they think toronto hates niagara falls. dude, we don’t know anything about niagara falls other than the falls, the casino, and the wax museums, and the american tourists – there is nothing to hate because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. build yourself a cultural identity not solely based upon hating on the rockingest city in the country that you are not and maybe party down a little bit hi nice to meet you.

and btw, taking pictures of yourself is not pretentious at all, it’s pretty much the complete opposite, mayhaps if you joined the year 2007 like the rest of the world and their grandma and bought a digital camera you would know that and another thing, we are a travelling gong show with zero capacity for pretention, lots of dick jokes and booze, no pretention. nice try.

i don’t even think any of us are originally from toronto, we just live here.

these peeps told my buddy that she has “changed” now that she lives here. serglreiugIUAVGVABK>C:Freh!!!! people who say that are the biggest most insecure penises ever hi maybe focus on yourself instead?

i don’t know why they had to make it a niagara falls vs. toronto war, i don’t have a crystal ball (sadly) so how do i even know where you are from? oh wait, drast! you figured out my secret powers i can tell where everyone lives! ps. WHO CARES! i will even talk to a rock if it will pay me attention for crying out fuck!

Elizabeth: I am meeting my only female friend here for a walk with the dogs
shes from toronto
born and raised
so I actually like her
have a good friday night – and PS I hated bianca all season, oh and I think jenah is going to win

me: do you know how many times u tell me about her
and say she is from toronto

Elizabeth: ha
well
shes no raymi

me: i almost forgot i thought she was actually from greece

Elizabeth: oh
well

me: shes not from greece right?

Elizabeth: she’s actually from toronto!

me: are you sure she is from toronto
she might be lying

Elizabeth: no

me: you might want to do some fact-checking

Elizabeth: she is from
TORONTO

me: not sarnia?
she might have LIVED in toronto but is originally from sarnia, maybe even barrie?
still, im not ruling out greece

Elizabeth: haha
ok lover girl
party hearty
xoxo

me: bye big tits

fil‘s pictures times funsies!

i was asking him if he wanted to be my email friend and he said no then i said ok how about real life then and he said something poetic with NO at the end (i think) and then wendi whispered something unintelligible in his ear and he said here’s something my good friend neil young said keep on rocking in the free world and left, i asked wendi what she said, she says i don’t know, i asked did you blow it for us, she said yes. that’s great, and i wonder why i have social anxiety?

on my way to grossman’s everyone was walking really fucking slow, wendi and liam were TRASHED and liam kept swinging his commemorative beer glass and it made me super nervous so i threw ice balls at him.

i started the balloon beer thing, it only spread to fil, what else is new?

hi i don’t know if we’ve met before, i am the creepy awkward loser at your party, i like playing hangman and collecting beanie babies.

gill is borrowing my shirt indefinitely she says.

here is an excerpt from sundays with vlad i have been meaning to transcribe since i first read it (great book btw, i’m still working on it, these days i read pretty slow).

excerpt:

in a live-action role-playing game, or LARP, like the one played by the camarilla, everybody dresses up like their character and they act out what their character does. the players use a complicated system of signals and hand gestures to tell other folks what they’re doing as they wander the[hotel]halls–a vampire who is using some kind of special seeing or hearing ability might point to his eye or his ear with his left index finger. while i follow hermann, i hold up my hand with my first two fingers crossed – the signal for being out of the game, as well as the universal symbol for “i’m lying to you about not stealing your pop-tarts” on every schoolyard in america. a player might also cross a hand over his chest to indicate that he’s invisible or make an L with his fingers to indicate that she’s speaking a different language.

end excerpt.

he’s talking about this yearly hotel weekend gathering of nerds doing live action role play, pretty hilarious. if i wasn’t so hung i would transcribe some more.

we are on the last roll of tp, we fight about who should buy it all the time, i use more than fil cos i got two places to wipe, fine, but now that he’s home with me crapping up a storm i think it’s closer to equal now. one time we fought so hard about toilet paper we didn’t speak to each other all the way home in the car. he likes to mime that he is wrapping a tp mitt around on his hand, i don’t even do that. anyway fil this is a head’s up it’s your turn to buy tp memo. oh i can already hear him slamming on his keyboard across the room writing me a flame in my comments.

i have never ever looked at the ceiling at the shoe before thanks to these balloons it finally happened.

too bad kiefer sutherland is serving time, we saw him playing pool once on canada day, maybe he woulda turned up oh man that would be so awesome.

fil and helium.

what’s up guys?

i am kind of arwen right now.

i started the ribbons thing then everyone did it go me go.

i love britt’s camera it makes my skin look all dewy.

my face sucked up all the flash because gill is not tanned at all. these are britt’s pictures.

we went to the horseshoe’s 60th anniversary party last nite, gord downie did three songs, one being search and destroy, i got em all on video. this mental guy in the front beside me kept pumping his hand out for gord to shake the entire time and while filming i was like ok i gotta give him my card but the guy’s shake my hand desperation got me anxious and i was starting to worry for him that gord wouldn’t shake his hand, but then at the end he did and then some others and the give him my card moment passed.

i met one of the barenaked ladies (tyler stewart) and he said he already knew me and my blog, he is in the elliott brood video i’m in too as a mounty, he said it [my blog] is a really good blog. k-os ignored me it’s ok fil took my picture beside him sneaky-like. i ignored jian ghomeshi. there was free labatt 50 all nite long and food and cute decorations. you’re not supposed to drink 50 though or any labatt products cos nq arbuckle said at a show that they sponsor ku klux klan rallies. when we first showed up the door guys laughed at fil and said oh of course he’s the first one here, fil is basically a fixture there like that homeless guy who always parties at the shoe, he was there last nite too. i kissed him once on his beard and it had wet all over it and the next day i got lock-jaw i’m amazing don’t forget it.

remind me to talk shit about niagara falls later.

my hands have begun their winter-transformation into scaly wrinkly british old lady lizard hands yes! i swear if i didn’t have some french in me i would look like a prune with mascara on already thanks dad for slummin’ it! heh.

update again

i decided that going out in search of a holiday shirt will only stress me out more so i am going to sit here and enjoy my stress in a sweater i have only worn once before, as a lesson that buying things when you feel on-edge is not a solution even though it sounds funny when you write it down, in reality the funny, not so much.

this sweater has a rainbow on it and a hipster(dubious)-looking yellow cloud i want to suck my thumb until new year’s. at least there is oprah. i swear she was invented for the mentally unbalanced, here is something to kill an hour by and feel like you are actually bettering your life. suckers.

we are going to another party tonite, i think my stress/nerves have something to do with it. anticipating the ten millionth nite of debauchery and being “on” for strangers then throw in some minor “celebs” where i continually say something stupid or yeah hi we actually met months ago at such and such event/party/show, they remember me and i never remember them but i have to act like i do. or sometimes they talk up fil for ten minutes and ignore me, you see a tall dude flanked by five bitches, it makes other girls think he is single for some reason or NOT with me, so to deal i either tune it out passive aggressively, get very introverted, or get (most likely) absurdly buzzed and whisper angry comments in fil’s ear. it’s not a jealousy thing even though it comes across that way, and yes i fully admit i am wickedly jealous, what it is i think mostly the first thing, bad nerves, and anxiety in social situations, coupled with bipolar where i feel trapped in being “on” and then feeling obligated to keep track of everything that is happening, mainly fil. now do this 5 nites a week.

i plan to scatter some of my cards around tonite and fil told me i have to be subtle about it, yeah i know thanks manager, way to psyche me out i do that enough as it is already i don’t need any extra help with it.

oprah makes me feel even more depressed than i was to begin with.

i wrote her a letter once when i lived in maine, she did not reply.

i am retardedly stressed out! christmas! fil’s birthday is on the 17th! thanks a lot fil!

i am going to go buy a “holiday shirt” to deal with it. this will fix me.

ps. email me (raymitheminx@gmail.com) if you want to partake in ah uh um celebration of sorts on dec. 15 ok.

i am also losing my tan for anyone who cares. i bet i spent 300 dollars on it altogether.

comparing notes?

update: fil came home i am waiting for him to make me a tuna melt i am sitting in a stressed-out trance wearing a towel and staring at the park with snow on it wondering why it is a fun activity to play in a cold snow covered park with a recluse like me staring at you in a wet towel.

three nites ago party.

we’ve been hanging around the discounted meats section man people are vicious over there, anyway, couldn’t tell a difference.

there is no internet at my dad’s it feels like visitting another planet.

i’ve been pigging out lately a bit, as in, eating somewhat normally and it has made me lose a bit more weight. huh? some skeptics railed against the raymi diet saying oh you are going to gain it all back gauranteed once you start eating normally again. WRONG. anyway st.louis has a new wing flavour, cajun dust, and it blasted my face off. i don’t normally eat garbage as you all know from my constant nagging about it, but now i have come to realise that my metabolism is back in-tact and i can dine like an american, again. during the weed days, every nite i ate 6 slices of pizza with dipping sauce, chinese food, anything that delivered til 3am, and i looked liked a twig. come late-january it will be a year since i began my starvation-adventure. yes you care. the point of this is, i am not afraid of french fries anymore, i’ll eat maybe a 1/4 of them but not obsess over it while i’m doing it, it’s cheesy but changing your mentality about food is a big part of weight-loss success where is oprah?

those pants for example i bought when i was 19 and now they fit again, back when size 7/8 could fit normal people, now a 7/8 is like a 5/6, thanks h&m and nicole richie!

wow flattering much thanks dad!

another one of my mom’s X-large cast-aways (cinching it at the back). if you wear bigger, then you look bigger. i’m not going to say it again.

yes i am.

the white oak is an institution, an institution of breakfast. the owners know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE in oakville and started to gab with fil about his old friends and referred to one guy as fries ‘n gravy. man i wish i had nicknames for people like that, hey taco! what’s up gelato? ribs call me! dude is kinda agoraphobic so once we tell him this there is no way he will ever go back there.

fil puts ketchup all over this and cuts it all up like a big mash-up. gross.

i like to eat as fast as i can and then get the hell out of there, sitting around staring at my empty plate gives me heavy guilt and then i have to watch fil pile ketchup covered toast and eggs and bacon slowly into his mouth drives me crazy.

bedtime w/ rocky. this is a little, or a lot, gay.

yesterday afternoon i left fart club and went on a mini-vacation to BURLYngton to see my dad and eat chicken wings and look at wing chairs and go to indigo and watch tv.

i get really agitated on the train i feel like everyone is counting how many times i flick my hair or cross and re-cross and cross my legs. i blew it and sat on the wrong-facing side of the seat too and had to act like i meant to do it and i could see white collar dudes checking me out in the window reflection like they’re all sly or something. i want to say sorry i don’t normally fidget so much you should see me on the couch where there is a normal amount of space to get comfortable in WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME*???

*jennifer love hewitt i know what you did last summer voice.

sighsighsighhhsiiighssigh.

sigh rocky.

i don’t want to make you jealous but we went to burlington mall. it was lame. on our way out i said i have to take my picture in front of this sad mirror and my dad wandered on ahead and this girl was watching me on a bench and she made eye-contact with my dad and they both laughed and she goes oh my sister does this all the time and i walk over and say are you making fun of me little girl? (in perfectly comedic-timed dane cook voice so she wasn’t scared) and she gets a bit nervous and says no and then as we walked away some more i said loud enough (hopefully) for her to hear you know you aren’t supposed to talk to strangers in malls.

i bet her sister doesn’t even have a blog.

the sales guy kind of broke our hearts, my dad picked out two chairs.

crazy lady on my dad’s street.

i <3 m-kate you can't stop me.

fil texted to tell me he had a zit on his face cos i said he better look ugly out on the town w/o me then i picked up my purse from the wrong side it was open and dumped all over the floor. fil‘s zit made art.

this bed is about as wide as a gurney, quite soft though. once i wake up in the morning it is impossible to get back to sleep cos the sun blasts through your brain and eyelids like a suntan bed, so i basically get 5 hours sleep opposed to my usual 20 ha.

rocky kept falling off and was too timid to walk over me so he would walk all the way around instead and then fall off once he got to the part he wanted to snuggle me at.

can you imagine if there were two of me my head hurts just thinking about it, hmm, maybe i would have a million dollar empire like the olsens if so? yeah right we’d be like a barely less shitty than tegan and sara duo.

michelle

flying

fixing a hole

she’s leaving home