ok so the tiff we had wasn’t that big, i think it was more of a symbolic argument and i felt obligated to defend my honour and also that of every other woman on the planet and fil basically FORCED me to purchase these stupid mats out of spite cos he was dogging them so hard in line with all these people behind me listening in, i whispered fil hey fil he turns around i mouth FUCK YOU then he goes to buy his ten millionth fantasy bible and i go to a separate cash to pay for my mats and yes we were at indigo.

now, i always plan ahead for things, meals, movies, booze, whatever, fil doesn’t, and that’s cool that’s cool, just don’t get up in my face cos i want two dinky mats for the balcony for spring/summer, or to take to the island, especially when these mats are 6 dollars reduced from 25!

fil asked why i needed two of them, because, what if someone wants to lie down with me? our balcony is empty save for three mismatched chairs and i want it to look pretty and inviting. he said he wasn’t going to mention the discount table to me because then i would end up buying something stupid, no worry i saw it first on my own and beelined toward it the second i walked through the door, and i did stop myself from buying two cheese plates with stupid comics printed on them.

mats are practical. what if i decide i am going to do sit-ups on the floor?

also, i want to suntan (for free) on the balcony and laying on the one big towel i have is annoying.

the moral of the story is, if you want to talk me out of buying something, don’t stand in line making fun of me and said item so that everyone can overhear it, i felt stupid. then afterward there was a net sack of pine cones he picked up and said oh look lauren pine cones 75% off! and i couldn’t laugh because i had to win.

back to planning ahead, i do it, he doesn’t, there will be a situation in the future where he will BEG to lie down on one of my mats or we will be out on a walk and find a nice rock to sit on and he will say boy i sure wish i had a mat right now.

fuck my life.

oh and the other one has a nice floral design, it is also lime and yellow.

fil enjoys nothing more than going on nature walks then finding a spot to lie down and read or fall asleep on (i know fun right?) so getting these mats is like me saying alright fine i am resigned to our lifestyle now and more so encouraging it WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING SEE THAT!

women sometimes therapy shop to shut out the many pains of the world they feel in their hearts, if some stupid trinket catches their fancy, they buy it, keep it, or gift it, so let that be, if your lady is happy, then you are happy, it’s not rocket science.

he also said there is no way i will ever carry a mat to the island, so now i will be forced to do that too. THANKS FIL <3. he mentioned what will i do if they get dirty? yes he seriously tried to cock-block these mats in a major way i am getting mad all over again. when he scoffed at the idea of me carrying them to the island i was in the middle of explaining that i would get a piece of twine and tie it around each end and then carry it like a purse but wait wtf why am i even explaining this period!? LKUGP!LK!:OI!G:OUgh’oghp9’bdflobnlo/b! how many of you think i am in trouble when fil gets home? i at least took out the irritating boyfriends part, i just called and gave him a head’s up re: this post. he only cared to know if i mentioned the pine cones part.

when fil goes to the bathroom cid sits here waiting for him, only when he isn’t pawing at the door to be let in, fags.

big time vertigo.

new shoes, stay tuned for a post about a fight over that 6 dollar mat i bought as well as one more (75% off) with fil, what else is new.

my hair is so long i can’t figure out how to not look like goro when i put it in a ponytail.

i feel like meg ryan in you’ve got mail right now (except i don’t make spastic head movements when i talk) i am in bed blogging because i am a sloth. i forgot to mention that we watched mr. bean’s holiday the other nite and it is terrible and the only reason why we watched it is because we have rogers on demand now, there is no way in hell we would have picked up at queen video terrible terrible, though rowan atkinson reminds me of my papa so every other scene i was going aww aww ohh aw aw aw etc.

nice work.

nice face!

i want to go on a sunday drivies today it’s been a long time. i am waiting for fil to realise that he is hungry and wants to make us maple bacon and potatoes and peppers. i bought the worst hair conditioner ever i am not looking forward to washing my hair.

sigh.

i call bullshit on this laptops in bed thing it isn’t even comfortable i am fighting with my legs to keep them bent and it’s making me sweat holy gay.

fil split his pants last nite because we were watching jack osbourne the recruits and i saw him do this move where he 360 degree swoops his leg up and around like a ninja and does it high enough that he touches his hand with his foot so i got up and started doing it too then fil got up and started doing knee jumps and i couldn’t do them (i can’t jump high at all it’s pathetic) anyway he starts throwing it in my face how i can’t jump i go excuse me do the fucking ninja foot swoop move then and he does but barely like shittily very much so and then he goes back to his knee thing showing me how to stretch and bend my knee and then RIP he goes in a tiny voice oh no like it’s my fault and yep he ripped the inside croth part BUT it’s ok cos it was already torn, it was funny cos earlier yesterday he spent a long time sewing it up. i had a drunk giggles attack after he said oh no and felt his thigh then i got down and inspected it. double funny because he was trying to show me how to do his precious knee jump that he was ripping me on and then rips his pants hahahahha. i will make a video of me doing these things to prove that i can.

we watched the royal tenenbaums last nite i forgot how depressing it was, i think i like life aquatic better cos i don’t cry as much during it. i can’t deal with movies that make me feel heartsick to be in them so much.

also i realised that i am not over my margot tenenbaum jealousy and i never will be. every outfit and thing about her is simply perfect and the fact that we are supposed to despise gwyneth paltrow makes it even worse.

new necklace

i finally caved and bought this guy, it was 18 bucks. sigh.

the cherry beer i mentioned before, 4.95 a bottle though, and i also finally got the royal tenenbaums with my hmv gift card from the stuper store on yonge – two copies left.

6%

dropped in at cafe nervosa for carpaccio and a beer all that walking got me hungry and crabby, fil likes it better than bar mercurio’s, i don’t, it’s very good but too thin for me. during the film festival a lot of celebs were spotted at cafe nervosa, i can’t remember who, and i don’t care. ok i do care. we were sitting beside a total golddigger who had the boringest stories.

i loooooooooove eavesdropping on rich people’s conversations they’re so terrible!

multi-coloured lenses make me look like i have a black eye.

itchiest hat ever.

frank magazine losers forum. the people they are making fun of weren’t even there for my show, just bar regulars. sad sad people.

after i saw the royal tenenbaums for the first time i went and got a 200 dollar haircut and dye job to look like gwyneth paltrow did, except with bangs.

whenever i eat ham or soup i pretend i am a delicate old man and eat tiny little bites very slowly, sometimes i pretend i am in an orphanage or i am homeless, i started doing this when i was a little kid from seeing an episode of the simpsons when mr. burns is cutting himself tiny slices of ham and he goes i’m full and there is a long table of food, platter after platter of expensive and delicious things to eat and all he can manage is the tiniest bite of ham.

anyway i have extended this act to soups too. right now i am eating carrot and butter bean soup like it is the end of the world and there is a grey blanket over my shoulders and i am friends with the people on the ship from the matrix, i try to stretch it out as long as possible eating a tiny bowl of soup because once it is finished i will perish or shrivel up and die or turn into an old wrinkly witch why did i share this?

i told this to fil once when we were eating ham, i can’t remember how he reacted, maybe he will say so in my comments.

oh and if anyone was ever wondering what one of fil’s lectures look like, here:

the moral of this post is it’s easy to find a boyfriend who likes to lecture you.

i sold two more paintings last nite after dinner at the beaver – pics to come of that later but first look at me with this balloon, it’s truly something.

we went to the silver dollar for the cd release show of katie stelmanis a truly amazing talent and voice she’s got though i fear the tiny art clique scene on a whole may be holding her back, snob wise anyhow, that place should have been more packed.

here is a quote i found in lullabies for little criminals (almost done!) that i was going to save for a rainy day burn i will say it now in reference to the specific art kids with their backs up (for some reason i refuse to figure out):

maintaining a superiority complex, especially when you were a loser, took a lot of mental effort and denial.

basically, chill a bit? i saw a few people i knew and fil pointed out how good they were at pretending you weren’t there, but they came to my art show i countered, i don’t get it. i just don’t anymore and i am tired of caring. the toronto crowd is talented at making you feel like you turned up to a kindergarden birthday party their mom forced them to invite you to, in case any of you outside toronto dwellers were ever curious.

anyway no hate no hate, well yeah tonnes, but you know what i mean, when does the fight for cool ever end?

in the crowd trying to get a few pictures while some dinky hipster dude with his ironic film camera elbows me every which way possible despite me being there first i’m thinking you know what mustache homeless outfit guy? it’s to this artist’s fucking benefit that i am here, your precious goddamn artist, so lay the fuck off. ass.

i blame yoko ono for all of this mess.

at the risk of bringing her down with my ship, hey xenia!

congratulations merkley on a successful party last nite, wish i could have been there, but judging from that two block line-up, mayhaps not.

this is what fil and i’s wedding reception will be like don’t copy it! oh my god i only lasted 1 minute of watching that.

embarrassing quote much?

story time!

soooooo last week i went on a shopping adventure at oakville place (the most retarded mall you will ever experience, every person in there dresses like they were barfed up from the hills, buzznet and myspace and they look you, well ME, up and down and it makes me really uncomfortable so i find myself always jogging, literally not walking as fast as i can through that fucking place).

actually this story is not about my shopping adventure at all, it’s about my returning a necklace adventure to a store i’m not mentioning anymore (no more free advertising) and then i stopped in at hmv to see if they had the royal tenenbaums (i have a gift card) so instead of combing the disorganized dvd section i went straight to this platinum blond little chick and asked if they had it she whisks me over to a computer, they don’t have it but she offers to look up which hmv does so i say ok and wait starting to sweat a teensy bit cos fil is out in his car like your dad with zero patience and i already returned the necklace and time is a ticking (he has a hair appt. to get to) anyway she’s clicking away in good form and THEN this fuzzy ponytail guy who also works at hmv (bad fuzzy with grease too and 3 inch dark roots w/ blond hair) comes up to her and says can i check something real quick? and she looks at me and my face is blank waiting to see if she pussies out and lets ponytail NERD take over (meanwhile there are 4 other empty computers beside her) and so he clicks clicks clicks and i am staring at him with all of my might and he is ignoring me as best he can cos he knows i am trying to bore a hole through his face, then he’s finished and goes away to his customer (whom i made a point to give cut-eye to as well) (ps. HIS customer looked like a pile of loser just saying i didn’t understand what the big deal was to interrupt an employee who was already serving a customer who at least made an effort appearance-wise) and they shuffle away a bit then the blond who is serving me goes back to the computer scrolling scrolling then i say WELL THAT WAS RUDE and she shakes her head agreeing with me and i say in sarcastic voice like i am already fucking serving someone here and she nods and says there are five copies at the hmv superstore i say ok where is that she says i don’t know it’s like IN TORONTO. oh ok thanks bye.

fuck oakville.

them (cokevillians) checking me out hard makes me uncomfortable ONLY because their world view/bubble is so tiny they think their style is original so when someone from the outside world strolls through it boggles them to pieces and they are flashing photographs in their head of your outfit to go home and copy it, the 13 year olds do at least.

oakvillian in urbandictionary read 4 and 5 hahahahahha.

pictures of the day go to: jen!

i swear to god this summer i am getting it RIGHT.

i finally did a puny amount of sit-ups on the bed two nites ago and felt so sorry for myself because it was really hard and pathetic and i just realized that the pain i am feeling right now in my abdominal area is from that duh.

celine dion is amazing. watch that video.