awkward rap battle. if you laugh, you’re going to hell.
i had a bad dream last nite and most of you were in in thanks a LOT dicks!
anyway we are going on a magical adventure today and you’re not invited!
BURN!
i have to get in the shower cos SOMEONE is being a NAG asking me every two minutes when i’m done watching awkward rap video and finished drinking my coffee you know it takes longer every time i get interrupted! jeez!
raymi’s status is HITLER ZIT
Ryan: paint it black
hitler zit. paint it black !
me: ha
Ryan: let’s talk drinks i’ve never slept in 40 hours now
me: oh man no u need to sleep
Ryan: i see in your future a great hunger for a beer
i know im no good to anyone or myself without like a nap but like
after this nazareth song ill nap
me: dude theres a brew in the fridge i might hit it
Ryan: ddddooooo iiiit
me: after this nazareth song ill nap hahahhaha
Ryan: fuuuckkk yeah ARE YOU GONNA DO IT
YA YOU ARE
hahah i am typing with one hand because my fist is A ROCKIN’ IN THE AIR
me: not yet im too busy playing with a chin hair and fantasizing about plucking it
Ryan: aw shit it’s over
me: which song was it
Ryan: can’t you name it and tell the hipsters that you are a gardener but instead of lame flowers you cultivate chin hairs
this flight tonight of course
me: i have one that grows every week under my chin
couple others too
it’s from a scab that used to be there from a wound
Ryan: haha i get unexplained hairs too
maybe scabs? could scabs be the reason? wounds?
me: sometimes i forget and then one day im out and theres an inch long hair
well it kept scabbing and i kept picking at it and wouldnt let it heal
lucky i dont have a scar
Ryan: my cousin no lie has a hair growing out of his nipple that was 4 feet long once, and just one hair
nail clippers lil bic shaver?
me: wtf
why did he let it grow
Ryan: same as why you and me notice a hair like an inch long like
you just don’t notice
hahah we measured it in science glass
me: GROSS
Ryan: i mean class
i know
me: i am picturing this and i dont want to be
Ryan: well mine grow outta my moles
yeah don’t
me: ok molenough
Ryan: i can’t grow facial hair it sucks
me: tho i have one on my wrist and i rip out the hair when it is long enough with my fingers
Ryan: this is getting molerboard
me: people in thunder bay cant grow facial hair
Ryan: yeah i bite the one on my wrist off
it’s always black
me: let me help molevate you
Ryan: that’s because they’re indians raymi
hahah
i need a mole lot of inspiration like it keeps happening i’m tempted to just say hi these are my moles and that’s the black hair that grows out of it
i’m ridiculous i have blonde body hair black stubble brown hair and once i found an auburn hair like all i’m missing is red
me: are you one of those overly mole people
Ryan: no no if i were a girl you could call them beauty marks cause like
me: talking about hairs and moles is making me feel queasy
Ryan: they’re in ok places
i understand me too. what’s the opposite of queasy
easy?
let’s talk drinks
i see a healthy hunger for vodka in my future
are we like fa-mole-y now
me: oh god
Ryan: i got nothin
me: i am farting into my towel into the couch
Ryan: hahah does it squeak
are there people who would buy that towel, gross
i don’t want to make you puke or anything but i remember i was havin a smoke with a guy who’d been in jail for so long
and some tightie walks by and he goes all wide-eyed and pervy and foaming and goes “oh man i’d drink HER bathwater”
hahah fuck i laughed
me: ungh pleasant
Ryan: another fart or
the story
me: story
Ryan: yeah some people’s children
me: im trying to think of something more disgusting to share
Ryan: s to the megma buddy
me: i walked by this frat dude two nites ago who had a 180 degree pile of spew all around him on the sidewalk and all his buds were dancing around with tallboys in their hands
i almost stopped and scolded them
like come on take care of your friend
thats the diff between girls and guys
Ryan: haha dancing to puke
me: girls like to take care of the situation immediately
guys use it as entertainment opportunities
Ryan: i know but i like to be left alone and not looked at if i’m sick from the drink
like lemme lay down somewhere for awhile on my side i’ll be ok so i let it go
i saw my friend hit the beak of his hat with his puke once, holding it in, rushing to a sink – like you said, i laughed
me: hahahahha
aw
Ryan: maternal instincts are all well and fine but if you catch me unable to stand just lemme hang out on the ground for awhile
me: ok i dont like mental pictures of spew
Ryan: yeah ok well imagine i was on mushrooms and it looked like a gay rainbow
i haven’t puked from drinking in yyears actually
i’ll stop the grossout festival
me: i love that scene in tenacious d the pick of destiny when hes on shrooms and thinks he is in a strawberry red river floating lazily down it with all these magical colours and nice music but really hes going down a fast rapid of dirty cold river water at nite and its freezing out
the cut-to is the best
i want to find it on youtube
Ryan: hahah yeah or like simpsons where willie’s making out with a rake
me: and his face is getting all clawed
just a sprinkling for now
sometimes i bat a thousand you guys.
lucas and i made gogo dancing history together back in the day, upon speaking about it we pulled out a selection of moves that may or may not have been phenom. retardo looking.
i told him i wanted to dance challenge pink hat guy, he said no he’s filipino, you will lose. i was half-cut anyway and the disco ball rotation was making the room feel diagonally slanted so i packed it in. i got your number pink hat, look out next time. lucas is part filipino so i told him to dance off that guy, he would not.
gill and her pa.
oh yeah i poured half a bottle of champagne all over the floor and a table (thought it was empty) in front of allison then introduced myself and she goes yeah we’ve met i’m like well maybe if you weren’t so selfish and got a new hairstyle i would have recognized you and way to be in the darkest part of the room too. she had her hair up in the babest bun ever, see:
k bye i’m starving it’s balls hot out, there’s nothing to eat here and fil has been playing metroid all day long THANKS AGAIN RENE!
so i got a store credit for my ripped shirt, they didn’t have it at this location so i got a new dress instead, and another one. i was pretty close to getting the marimekko bikini or trying it on rather.
this is a size 6, smallest they had in black, the sizing at h&m is wonky, 8s feel like 6s, 4s look like 10s. sigh.
holy pipes much?
this is a 4.
i bought this too.
i was half feelin’ this polygamy dress, i think it was a 6 or an 8, either way it was way too much material and a total sweat magnet.
cute though with pockets, i like the A-line thing happening right now.
when am i expecting?
and this would be the dumpy potato angle.
oh hi we has a winner.
this was taken at the end of the nite before bed.
just a bit loadedskies.
help there’s a ghost after bonin’ me!
alas, the only penis i got last nite (fil’s sick).
the sun looked pretty on my walk to return my dress/shirt.
ghetto nutritious soup, this time w/ onion soup and spinach added.
blackberry mocha yogurt (no sugar) smoothie
hey claire danes! i’m such an idiot, i was bloated and ugly, but i should have invited you to lunch and then i went home and saw your picture on a celebrity database and right now i am in the middle of constructing a time machine to go back and scoop you!
fuckin’ missed connections i am this close to blowing you up.
WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT THIS PICTURE!
that is all.
no it isn’t, i suggest a cuteoverload for inanimate objects like buttons and ribbons and omfg drooooool who am i martha stewart fuck i’m getting old.
well at least i have a stupid ponytail tan line now. i’ve also got a zit, well two, below my nose, summer zits are the worst.
fil is sick, he stayed home today. i have vanilla and mocha yogurt freezing in the freezer and some blackberries too, i’m going to try and make him a smoothie. rented lars and the real girl last nite (didn’r make it out to brad’s show sorry!) you so need to see it, phenomenal, totally totally totally amazing it is, i have no idea how ryan gosling was able to keep a straight face.
i’m pissed at myself cos i had a wicked zinger post composed in my head last nite just as i was about to drift off and i told myself to get up and write it down, but figured it was so good there’s no way i could possibly forget it. it’s gone. it involved fil and a joke about a refrigerator and a lot of exclamation marks to boot.
i invented a new low fat/carbs soup last nite, beef broth, brocolli, frozen (pre-cooked) chicken breasts, and some sriracha – it was really tasty, reminiscent flavour of bi bim bap or a way healthier kim chi, sans noodles and chemicals.
oh yeah and my new purple/black checked shirt dress thing i just got has three rips in it, the first of which happened at ted’s the nite of mgmt, i spread eagled to get myself up out of the church pew seat and the bottom button tore a bit, and then last nite when i got back from a wine run pulling it up over my head both pockets tore at their top corners WTF not like i’m andre the giant or anything and i know h&m’s shit be a little delicate (cheap), but not THAT delicate. i will consider exchanging it while i stare at my cindy crawford zit in the jazz mirror on the exercise bike right now for 25 minutes.
aw.
