i was never able to climb the rope in gym class either, all my strength is in my lower body, upper, no way man all weakling all the time up in hurr. ‘cept for when i’m angry. but i’m not violent so whatevs.
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nnnnnnnnnnnglph snowing?
sass came over to watch ANTM with us last nite (kinda meh despite it being the make-over episode i can’t tell if i’m unimpressed this season by the girls or by the suck, or maybe i like it more once the contestants are narrowed down and we better know every aspect of their heinous personalities and come to enjoy and rely on them) as well as wall-e. i was expecting to cry throughout the whole thing, just at the end a little there only. scary glimpse of the future i’ll be dead by then so who cares lets litter lesson did not go unnoticed. plus the fact that the only humans in the movie are all morbidly obese was a nice bonus. k coffee and cray cray appt today ungh. i dunno why i bust my ass getting there the guy always makes me wait at least 20-30 minutes. stop scheduling our appointments near your lunch hour thanks.
take a drink when
OK LETS PLAY I HAVE NEVER, ready go.
I have never/not the following things:
been to a spa – heinous i know, why must i suffer lord, my life just isn’t pampery enough yet, so unfair. i need a tiny japanese lady to walk on my back and slap the back of my calves and finish me off. whatever, i have issues with massages from people i know let alone some stranger kneading soft moans out of me ew.
been to disneyland/world – i know, are you crying yet? cos i am. i didn’t even go to canada’s wonderland until i was 15, ridiculous.
tried acid, or heroin, or crack, or meth – shocking i know but yeah i am like, so much better than everyone else.
gotten my driver’s license – turns out jack kerouac didn’t either. i do plan to right this one though. for the record i CAN drive stick.
been snowboarding – skiing infrequently yes, i don’t get the whole dressing up like a baby just to possibly do the splits, break my ankles, and/or possibly sink my face into a tree i’m not exactly fred astaire on those things. i cannot even make simulated snowboarding happen on wii fit so i’m gonna file this one under FUCK and THAT i’ll be waiting for you in the hot tub.
been backpacking – sorry take this right of passage and shove it i was too busy being a giant fucking mess and partying til i lost my mind. win.
had an std – phewf.
ok this is boring now there seemed to be more when i was in the bath.
she’s not a tramp her name is judy
wow i feel beyond demented FUCK twitter ughghhgh.
anyway last nite, in-between flicking back and forth from revenge of the nerds and something else what currently escapes me right now we caught not one but two different infomercials for the exact same product that is essentially just fine grey sandpaper, k not essentially, try IS just fine grey sandpaper with (assumedly) cardboard-backing, palm-shaped (the bigger ones) and also nano (hahaha) and it’s for sanding down your leg hair, thigh hair, chest hair (dudes) etc BUT they say it’s super fine crystal technology (seconds after i screamed out it’s purely super fine sandpaper) and they’re selling it for NO not for the $40 value it is so (isn’t) equal to, just 16.95 or some such garbage. i don’t want to give these rip-off artists traffic directly from my site (speaking of direct, one of the infomercials mentions the buy-direct price ie. AMWAY) but i want you to see this for yourselves. i just checked buysmoothway.ca lo and behold it’s bunk. the other url works tho http://www.sheerskin.ca/ and i know what this shit is because:
1. in grade 5 i slept over at my friend’s house and she showed me a folded into quarters piece of super fine grey sandpaper and demonstrated how she “shaved” her legs (her mom taught her). i too tried it and gave myself the wickedest rash ever no matter, it works after just a little bit of sanding you do not need to go to town like i did. (also this chick had thicker dark hair so apparently if you’re one of those prone to more stubble this is what you do?) you’re supposed to do it on dry skin and because it was winter my legs were so parched it fucked them up for a week, gym class was embarrassing thanks.
and 2. cos i worked in a hardware store i therefore know for fact you can just buy a sheet for a dollar IF THAT and cut it to these stupid shapes, or just fold it into fours. point being you are a buffoon and dead to me if you order this crap. xoxo
ps. datarock ripped a sample from revenge of the nerds in their song computer camp love see if you can figure out what line it is.
tinyurl hurtbag
he answered with his thumb
under a year ago i did a dumb dance video to this song. it garnered many views and stupid comments (as do all of my videos and yes the fact that people are searching for the song on youtube does not escape me). anyway here is a video of me dancing to the black keys’ cover of wicked messenger again in all its retarded glory. i put it up on youtube again cos i am a glutton for punishment like that. slightly better video quality on vimeo.
everything was free last nite
industry night chez second city. yeah next time you tell me it’s industry nite please be clear about how all drinks are free for the duration of the show and how servers will constantly be walking around with trays of snacks courtesy of m&m’s. sorry pals i didn’t know. fil was irritated that he drove. oh well. we took alicia she has the best cackle to bring in-tow for comedy. good good funny times ’twas.
fil has been using my jergens tanner lotion (so doesn’t need it) and i obvs have not been. time for ghostface to get on that.
all inside jokes from various skits.
guy in front of us was solo and i imagine was totally diggin’ on alicia’s stories. oh yeah there was a nice oakville burn in one of the sketches. plenty of oshawa and etobicoke ones as always.
admiring the drink names.
mmmmm&mmmmm’s alicia called it before i had a chance to.
a million pictures of the same view during intermission. they’re very strict with the no camera during the show policy (even w/o flash yeah yeah i get it) and there are a million eyes on you just waiting to tell you off. fine. FINE. oh man one guy had half-wood during the little red riding hood puppet skit, awkward.
so amazing words cannot describe how good these are. i’d never had any dessert from m&m’s before. impressive.
after the show you can stick around for improv and even after that you can go to the bar and drink with the cast where things get redonk. funny we didn’t stay though, next time. they’re trying to convince them to do a blogger nite so they can rip us to shreds. our own section and everything. oh man i hope that pans out. last time fil and i went there was an entire section of lawyers that were targeted all nite, so hilarious cos they were all wasted (of course) and just rollin’ with it.
i feel like spring shopping really bad the last spree i went on was at buy the pound that was two months ago at least no? i’ve been good.
oh gilda. why is it so much more heartbreaking when comedians die? that’s rhetorical.
lets see how long it takes for the crotcheties in our building to rain on my happy face sticker parade. i plonked it there sunday nite.
the morning came in sinister
last nite ruled.
woah jungle hair. you know when you have long hair and you’re just like yeah it’s long, could be longer, not there yet. well last nite i finally realized how long it is and felt fully engulfed by it. that is all.
late start today. i haven’t slept in so late in awhile, i blame the clocks. i had a really crazy dream about lost.
