i guess, see you tomorrow then?

first stop, cupcake land.

saw these guys already, still can’t get over ‘em.

that guy turned away cos he didn’t want evidence of him sitting in front of the least testosteroney store evs.

back to pocky store now and me trying to look as bitchy as possible. ha, “trying”.

ridic.

see, there they go with the gratuitous smiling again.

i feel you guy.

hey milk jug what’s up? oh not much, not much you know just juggin’.

AGHHH! they ain’t ringolos unless you crap your pants.

my favourite bin.

that bear obviously had a stroke.

bought this.

i don’t think that grin is genuine yellow bear, lookin’ a bit fruit-ay there.

that is one gay baby.

these guys are the chickens you’re gonna put in your soup oh and that’s the dude who slaughtered them. oh wait sorry these are the sluts who laid your eggs, why do i need to see a picture of the farmer though so, necessary? (don’t worry i actually appreciate it i think a lot of people who read my blog need a good lesson in satire) can i see what his car looks like too? thank you.

get over yourself calbee, not buyin’ it or you.

you’re one of the stupid assholes that came out of a mystery box i bought, nice mystery thanks. (i gave it to brad hahaa)

YUM! nothing quenches a pms salt craving like chips that taste like lemons.

bet your ass i bought this and got that bear whom suffered a stroke.

was crunchy taken or was the translator out takin’ a wizz or something?

no idea.

cooking with mama, literally.

hahahhaahot.

nicely worn in there guy. these aren’t actually porn, but comics. what a tease. matt told me their name, i forget.

i need this.

take this package of ramen and bring it to a chef?

dude, you are annoying that cat and the entire fucking neighbourhood.

mmmm? has anyone tried these?

xiaxue girls.

here’s some of my mom’s pics from yesterday.

see how badly i need to get another sweater just like that in grey/brown…etc.

so glad i wore a tent yesterday.

oh and pete took this.

thanks allison <3!

took’er easy yesterday, grocery shopping, rented milk (fabulous, deep, intense, inspiring, i bawled my eyes out) and watched seth rogen on SNL (bad bad bad guy, stick to movies)(put me in one).

ssssalmon.

how insecure are you, third change now? fourth? you better get it right this time you are gettin’ on my nerves.

we made too much. one of these guys is wrapped up in the fridge right now.

epic caesar salad time. forgot the croutons. meh.

separate bowls, no sharing here.

sorry for the boring nothing post, just an in-betweener – on my way to postsecret to select some wieners. check ya later.

i am even holding a can of strongbow to complete the effect. i wish i could nail his laugh better though, i will work on that. i should have said dude more, swore at least once, and somehow glazed my eyes over.

my impression of brosz7kowski from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i tried to get matt to do an impression of me after, but he sucked he’s like HI I’M LAUREN AND I HAVE A BLOG. haha lame.

i am jealous of dave’s nervous breakdown white patch. it isn’t manic panic ravers, relax.

dave didn’t realise this was a “dare” he just thought i was a fucking idiot. nice.

burn.

burn.

matt knocked it over twice before he left after talking straight mad shit about the dare aspect of the game. thanks man ya fuckin’ wimp.

don’t do drugs kids! (seriously you are annoying when you’re high)(most of you) i offer to roll dope because i miss it. yes i am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in pure utter bullshit. thanks for tuning in!

it turned out shitty anyway i think. not my fault, it was sticky.

i’m using a pretzel to make room for the filter i forgot to make.

fil suggested i not post these, could be damaging. uhh i’m already damaged. merkley says did it damage woody harrelson or bob marley? good point. i think this could actually benefit my career right? maybe like, give it the oomph it so desperately needs. i better be careful this shit might catch on.

seriously, does someone want this couch it has to be out of here by next saturday. best offer and it’s yours, before i put it on craigslist. just think of all the things that have taken place on this baby. err, or don’t actually. it’s perfect for when your dirtbag friend needs to crash, fil can stretch out on it comfortably and he’s 6’4 in fact it’s great for those sleeping on the couch nites when you get in a drunk fight with your signif. other – morning shame totally free of charge. think about it.

it’s 80 inches wide.

grossarettes. dave says yummarettes. barfarettes, more like. ps. he has a funny/sick post about some things the previous tenants of his house left behind.

and yes time has definitely gone by. i scoffed at allison and said yeah duh i can do a back arch and touch my toes to the back of my head. oh wait, i could never do that. like maybe for a split second if i threw my head back really fast my big toe could skim a hair, maybe. anyway.

back arch failure from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i can only do “the stairs”, and badly. allison blew my mind, as you will soon discover for yourselves.

the escalator from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

ok and one more try for the win?

one more try from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

pathetic.

birthday dinner at susur lee.

lee is the more affordable version of susur, famous nyc chef guy fil says this susur is a toronto chef, made it big here recently he moved to new york to try his luck there foodie nerds jock him hard. the very next day they were rolling out the new york menu replete with prix fixe, of course that’s our luck. no biggie we were very pleased with our choices.

why do you get skinny the second you return home from vacation and not while on it? viciously unfair.

see-through tables!

the table of women behind fil were also celebrating a birthday, i may or may not have cried when they sang happy birthday to her. i liked that the woman who’s birthday it wasn’t, once blasted, overtook the whole table with her big annoying mouth and boring stories.

went for a tan yesterday. bring on summer. i need a new bikini for 70’s tan lines, one i can just drape on w/o tying ’round the back. i want butt lines, not back lines. oh that’s our own wine, they open it for you for a dollar. good money-saving tip it made our bill super cheap. i think they’re doing this for another month or so.

like looking through the cn tower’s glass floor except you get a meal out of it.

this pretentious picture if making me LOL right now. i think i’m losing my marbles guys, whatever ones were there to lose in the first place.

this tower of slaw was recommended by someone at fil’s work. 18 ingredients, i can’t find it on the menu list but anyway, fantastic, nice fresh light start your palette will be happy. edible flowers too. the waitress ticked off each ingredient as she folded it all over, squashed it down, mixed it around. i was impressed. oh wait this is what it’s listed as Singaporean style slaw, contains nuts (for 2)

show stopper, this should have come out last it was hard to top it with what followed. for some reason it isn’t listed on the sample menu. this is boneless jerk chicken and that wall between it is deep fried skin! fil made a video of me talking about how it reminded me of the live action he-man movie when they eat kfc but i sound like a retard in it so no posting. the red sauce is something hot, the orange i forget, something mango-like. fabulous fabulous can’t thumbs-up it enough.

blurry but still, oh man, is it too pedestrian to go back and just order this?

paled in comparison for real, too bad it didn’t come out first.

Four satay (chicken, shrimp, pork and beef) with mint chutney, peanut and tamarind sauce see my last chicken round, i ALMOST gave it to fil cos i am nice like that, glad i didn’t cos what came next i made him finish on his own, i didn’t want it, but let him order anyway on my birthday no less.

fil is trying to tell me something with his wizard ring.

stuffed.

Braised beef, potato and leek puree, sour cream and crispy shallots not a fan. after the pulled short ribs quesildillas and the last time i had braised meat at the oyster house in the distillery, just not feelin’ it. i should have been more clear.

if you’re a fan of slow-cooked whatever then this is just fine for you but between you and me and the entire internet, fil’s sister’s pulled pork was the most tastiest slow-cooked anything i have ever had. hands down.

dig in, fil.

not selling it very well am i.

haha eat it baby. he was not thrilled. lesson learned i hope.

i cuffed one of my thighs on the edge of these tables so be careful. i have a nice collection of bruises from airplane travel and hotel furniture. if i were an animal i would be a gazelle with vertigo.

and then we went to sharpie/samir’s to pick up my keys (they babysat cid) and have a drink. those pics to come. then the next day i woke up to that harsh april fools computer virus, i mean, of fucking course i got it right. pfft. the red wine hangover combined with post-bday blues, vacation travel withdrawal etc was just like final straw, bad scene. call me lauren white wine from now on and remember that i said it, no more red for me (unless it is the teeniest sip in the universe). dinner alone with fil was wonderful and dreamy (except for when i cried), don’t think i’m ungrateful, i do not need anything you know, presents all that. however, it’s been a little anticlamatic after our trip, friends aren’t in town, feels like no one cares, (you know they do but still) making excuses, anyway just sharing my emo bye. i thought i was helping/making it more appealing by not opening the party up to blog-reading acquaintances/friends/strangers but apparently i was wrong.

+++

Hey Raymi,

-Carmen

i noticed carmen sent this to another email address somewhat similar to mine, i replied before i read it asking if someone was posing as me and asked her to search her inbox for emails from said address. she just received this winner: I am not Raymi the Minx, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped emailing me. I have no idea how you got my email or why you assumed I was her, but I am for sure not.

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

anyway that was a super sweet email and fully cheered me up, thank you carmen.

so yesterday i receive an email. i posted it as a note on my facebook and sent it out to several friends, we all had a nice laugh. i was intending to reply to every point the guy made super sarcastically and callous-like, make an example of him, because i am sick and fucking tired of people assuming that they know me. i was planning to piss off a lot of people really, but anyway i forwarded the email along to one guy in particular and said he was hired cos i know this shit is right up his alley as he has sent me numerous essay-length analytic emails out of the blue on multiple occasions to which i respond with barely a sentence, only to enrage him more, another reply, on and on until he got the joke. if you want to read the email in its entirety scroll to the bottom, keith has replied like i intended to in sections. oh, and it’s long. ps. i KNOW how he found me, through the video of me dancing to goodbye horses on youtube, you know the classic track buffalo bill sticks his penis between his legs to? yeah, i wake up to the most insane comments on that video daily, ugh. anyway there are lyrics on this guy’s myspace to that song so i can only assume he is awash with sexual identity issues. why can’t i make assumptions on others like they do me, fair is fair no? here is a picture of him with an alleged boner. (removed, not worth the lash out when he inevitably puts two and two together)(even though HE started it) ok nevermind here it is again now he can’t complain to flickr about it.

anyway, charles guy, take a relax pill maybe?

———————————————————–

I am not Raymi the Minx. My name is Keith and I will be assessing the effort you put forth in the passive-aggressive email that you sent to Raymi.

(Please consider this a critique and not a personal attack.)

I will isolate the various pieces of your message.

(1) “I found your page by accident.”

If you want to interact with another person on a meaningful level… it is not a good idea to start by absolving yourself of responsibility.

In addition, a disclamatory statement can be interpreted as a sign of both pride and insecurity.

So within your first sentence you’ve established that you are most likely a prideful and insecure person, who is prone to the avoidance of personal accountability.

(2) “Why do insecure people with strange eyes and big noses have a tendency to enjoy photographing themselves? and writing about themselves? drink a lot, take prescription drugs, and tell the world about it?”

In the second sentence of your email you use the words “insecure” “strange eyes” and “big noses.” You are setting this up to be an extremely confrontational message. How can you expect someone to read your message when you begin by insulting them? Furthermore, you’re speaking indirectly. It seems that you’re trying to misdirect your reader by nesting insults within rhetorical questions. Which is not clever. Now if you remove the insults from your question you end up with this: ‘Why do people have a tendency to photograph themselves? Why do people write about themselves? Why do people drink a lot, take prescription drugs, and choose to tell the world about it? The answer to that string of questions is relatively simple; human beings are social creatures with a high level of self-awareness. If you are claiming that it is unnatural to look at yourself, and if you are claiming that it is unnatural to party, and unnatural to tell other people about the things you do… then you’ve missed a large portion of what goes on with human beings.

(3) “You’re incredibly intelligent because you are so creative and funny, but you’re overlooking a glaring contradiction, which is that if you were truly intelligent, you’d never mention it, nor would you give a shit what anyone thinks of your life.”

This segment is not easy to read. It seems that you are saying that her intelligence is the result of her being creative and funny. I know that’s not what you mean, but the phrasing makes you look foolish.

You are the one that is saying that she is intelligent. Even if you could somehow prove that true intelligence results in the choice to stay silent about one’s own life… there still wouldn’t be a contradiction on her part. You brought up the entire intelligence scenario. And in the same vein; there is no good reason to assume that intelligence is in any way connected to not giving “a shit what anyone thinks of your life.” In fact, I would say that most intelligent people are aware of the expectations and needs of their society, their acquaintances, their friends, and their family. That doesn’t mean these people are governed by their awareness of others, but they certainly should consider other people and what other people want, like, and think of them if they want to achieve any relevant level of success.

(4) “You spend too much time trying to be beautiful, cute, quirky, and smart. Your real name probably isn’t even Raymi.”

What is the difference between ‘trying to be’ and ‘being?’

It seems to me that the difference between ‘trying to be’ and ‘being’ can only be determined after a detailed analysis of the way that people appear and conduct themselves in the daily flow of their lives. If you are not privy to the daily flow of a person’s life, how can you be in a position to make this sort of de facto claim? If you find Raymi to be beautiful, cute, quirky, and smart… then that’s that. Because for you, like all her other internet acquaintances, the only reference you have is what she presents to you through the filter what is her weblog.

And even though I don’t know Raymi, beyond some email correspondence, I can tell you with a certainty that her real name is not Raymi… you should have been able to figure that out with a few clicks of the mouse.

(5) “You should learn how to be lonely, and use the other side of your brain. You will never know how to be independent until you do that, and it’s obvious how dependent you are on the opinions of others for your self-esteem.”

The main claim here is that she “should learn how to be lonely” and to “use the other side of” her “brain” so that she will “know how to be independent.” This is almost unintelligible. I’m assuming that you mean that she should learn how to deal with being lonely in a different way, or perhaps you mean that she should learn how to feel the feeling of loneliness, but either way I don’t see how that will help her to “know how to be independent.” Pure independence, in the realm of societal living, is not achievable, and even the societal semblance of independence is based on many factors beyond loneliness.I think that most people figure out a way to work out the give and take of their relationships with other people… and they find a balance that works for them. (I’m not going to address the functioning of the brain and which personality traits derive from which side of the brain, i’m assuming you haven’t studied neurophysiology or anything beyond basic psychology.)

You talk about ‘learning’ and ‘knowing’ but it should be obvious that a good deal of what goes on with Raymi’s blog stems from a more immediate realist perspective. People are obsessed with celebrities… so sometimes she talks about that… people are into fashion and food… so she talks about that… she talks about the things that people like, and things that she likes, because her blog is an entertainment product. All entertainers are dependent on the opinions of others, as it relates to self-esteem and, in general.

(6) “The people you see in movies and magazines who have made impressions on you, that have shaped your image of beauty, those people are not real. You cannot be those people, like those people, or similar to those people because you are not them. You are just a girl who came from two parents.”

It seems that you are assuming that you are dealing with a simpleton. If you would take the time to scroll down and look on the right hand side of Raymi’s blog, you would see the satirical GIFs that poke fun at the glamorized celebrity forms. We are all products of our environment. The people that you see in movies and magazines are real people. They are just people that have given up a moderate life for the high-paced life of celebrity. Raymi is doing something similar… in a sense she is in the same position as those people in movies and in magazines… she has given up a moderate life in order to provide entertainment, and to achieve the rewards that come from being an entertainer. A primary example of this departure from traditional normalcy is the fact that she has to field emails from a person like you who is choosing to bombard her with a mixture of insult, criticism, and advice. Something that she did was special enough to get you to dedicate your time and effort in response.

(7) “When you build your ego on the deceit of image and narcissistic thinking, it’ll always collapse and you’ll keep cycling. You’ll jump from place to place, person to person, and no one will ever really know who you are.”

What is this based on? What cycle is she going through? From what I understand she just got engaged. This sounds like a high school journal entry. You can’t just assume that your reader will know what you’re talking about. You have to provide discernible content.

If you mean to say that she is deceiving herself and that she thinks narcissistically, and if you are saying that her way of being will lead to an internal collapse, and a downward spiral… then I must ask: why it is that you think you know that to be the case? You are making all sorts of personal claims, and you have said yourself that you found her page by accident. What possible knowledge could you have in relation to the person behind the diarist blog that you stumbled upon. I hope you realize that you are attacking a persona. You are giving advice to the same movie/magazine ghost that you highlighted as a non-reality in an earlier segment.

(8) “If you take all this bullshit out of your life, you’ll see that you need a little more to be proud of. Buy Raymi stuff? I don’t buy any of this bullshit. Stop staring at your videos, photos, and your face in the mirror. Your face is not going to change, especially by looking at it for hours.

It is your opinion that some of Raymi’s product is ‘bullshit.’ But what does that mean objectively. I think that Dan Brown’s books are absolute dog piss drivel. But plenty of people read Angels and Demons and have a wonderfully fulfilling experience. Raymi has created a blog and she has captured people’s interest. That is plenty to be proud of.

I can’t think of anything to say to you, in relation to the rest of this segment, that wouldn’t be a direct insult. Suffice it to say that you are irrationally lashing out at someone else’s progressive efforts.

(9) “‘If you spent a week without anyone staring at you (that includes you), or talking about yourself, and you were just a person…say living in the woods…what kind of person would you be?
Self pitied, putting on an act for yourself, pretending you’re better than your environment? Would you be thinking about how other people would see you, even though you’re alone? Would you see the real texture of life outside of your ego? Would you be thinking about other people’s opinions if you were to start to write about it? How much can you factor in what isn’t there, when you would be alone?”

This last segment presents a hypothetical situation that most people have already thought about. This is why people hike in the mountains and build forts. That being said, I’m not sure why it is such a popular thought experiment. Human beings are social creatures and we have to live as such. The nature of self-awareness makes it so that we spend a great deal of time inside of ourselves… And then when it comes time to interact we have to step beyond ourselves to relate to others. People like Raymi seem to have found a ever-present creative outlet which hybridizes the internal and the external. Maintaining a diarist blog implies the constant production of material… the content is the result of both internal creativity and the external world of creativity. It requires her internal creative effort and her ability to maneuver socially. For example, she knew to pass your ridiculous email on to a ridiculous (and verbose) person like me… because I enjoy this sort of thing… and even while dismissing you she made sure that you got sufficient attention.

Being alone is not part of the world that we exist in. Your closing point is not a particularly potent one… Raymi’s creative endeavor is a social thing.

In conclusion, I hope that you realize that you have fallen into a particular trap. In the hip-hop/rap community I believe they would call you a ‘hater.’ You cannot hope to rise out of anonymity and give relevant advice to someone that has made a name for themselves. Raymi has established a fan-base and a reputation through her own effort. She built her online persona from scratch… and for that she deserves respect. The only reason that you were given the opportunity to voice your opinion is because Raymi has created a community in which you were able to find content that sparked your interest. In this scenario you either need to provide a very good argument as to why you are presenting criticisms or you should just settle down and compliment the elements of her work that you find interesting. You did not provide a good argument, your points were haphazard and underdeveloped, and actually, with this effort you entered a state of pure hypocrisy. At certain points in the email you were trying to insult her, and at other points you were trying to give her advice, you did not do a good job on either front and ultimately you should retreat. Raymi has already proved that she can hold an audience. Her position speaks for itself. Your personal opinion, in light of the material you presented, is almost irrelevant… the only sliver of value that comes from your effort can be seen in the fact that your hapless criticism is a result of Raymi’s stylistic magnetism.

Before you assume that I am a devoted fan… it is important for you to know that I find a lot of Raymi’s blog to be inane and unappealing. But I have a very strong respect for her ability as an entertainer. Her persona is simultaneously approachable and provocative.

Your personal attacks and your attempts to give advice are inappropriate in this context.

I hope this has been helpful.

-Keith

I found your page by accident. Why do insecure people with strange eyes and big noses have a tendency to enjoy photographing themselves? and writing about themselves? drink a lot, take prescription drugs, and tell the world about it? You’re incredibly intelligent because you are so creative and funny, but you’re overlooking a glaring contradiction, which is that if you were truly intelligent, you’d never mention it, nor would you give a shit what anyone thinks of your life. You spend too much time trying to be beautiful, cute, quirky, and smart. Your real name probably isn’t even Raymi.
You should learn how to be lonely, and use the other side of your brain. You will never know how to be independent until you do that, and it’s obvious how dependent you are on the opinions of others for your self-esteem.
The people you see in movies and magazines who have made impressions on you, that have shaped your image of beauty, those people are not real. You cannot be those people, like those people, or similar to those people because you are not them. You are just a girl who came from two parents.
When you build your ego on the deceit of image and narcissistic thinking, it’ll always collapse and you’ll keep cycling. You’ll jump from place to place, person to person, and no one will ever really know who you are. If you take all this bullshit out of your life, you’ll see that you need a little more to be proud of. Buy Raymi stuff? I don’t buy any of this bullshit. Stop staring at your videos, photos, and your face in the mirror. Your face is not going to change, especially by looking at it for hours.
Talking about yourself isn’t gonna make your appearance change either, nor does it make you smart.
If you spent a week without anyone staring at you (that includes you), or talking about yourself, and you were just a person…say living in the woods…what kind of person would you be? Self pitied, putting on an act for yourself, pretending you’re better than your environment? Would you be thinking about how other people would see you, even though you’re alone? Would you see the real texture of life outside of your ego? Would you be thinking about other people’s opinions if you were to start to write about it? How much can you factor in what isn’t there, when you would be alone?

also, let it be known that i absolutely love getting out of dodge and skidding out in the woods with my friends and fil. see? i think that is the eventual goal for us too.

hahaha tempy. click for better reading. “Raymi I totally found the first draft of that guy’s email to you! Check it out!”

thanks rolando.

also check out these two pages of twilight stalker chat. they left comments on my blog too that i deleted. the short of it is that we are stalker whores of rob pattinson because i talked to him and blogged about it and keira put the photo she took from across the room on her blog. you twilight geeks are big time losers. how are we the stalkers when you go on and on about this in a stupid chat and even say ooh i love him in black then you speak vampire? we encountered him in the bar that gibson booked for their junos party, so maybe he is actually stalking us.

“Oh dude, you should grow a pair and publish the negative comments. You are bragging about how awesome your blog is back it up with some balls.”

FUCK OFF desperate nerd.