random image searches in google. fun.

alphabet

cannot

gestate

dinky

power

grip

smoothie

lamb

collapse best game ever.

swim

clever

posture

traipse

clipping

envelope

mistress

victory were? it’s WAS, moron.

mooning

tell me how i can generate revenue. i have to tell a fancy somebody that i am celebrity enough to generate revenue. i am thinking coffeetable book of my drawings and photographs and selected writings along with a dvd of me singing and throwing pots n pans down the stairs and talking to myself in a mirror.

basically i need monies to pay someone to help me with all of this crap because i am mentally retarded and cannot do it alone because i have to drink beer and check emails and think about moving on top of the CN tower.

anyway, i get to be informal about the whole pitch/thing-a-ling, which is nice.

if i don’t get to be myself, things don’t work out.

so people who care, please email me your ideas/advices.

help yo sista out.

thank you.

today i will finally do laundry and there better be enough of those dryer sheets to go ’round and detergent otherwise i am not doing laundry.

any/every chance i get to delay the inevitable, i take it.

but then when i am walking around looking at mountains of clothes i start whining and sighing obnoxiously and people go you STILL haven’t done your laundry!?

and i say well it would be done if YOU did it for me you selfish fuck!

so, yes, it is pretty much that time of the month so i am very funny and charming one second and then i am gargamel from the smurfs a second later and then i am splinter from ninja turtles, all calm and shit and then i am snow white… i don’t know how to finish this tangent.

anyway.

so i am drinking and eating a lot and watching movies and being boring and having quite a lovely time ‘cept i am repulsed by my stomache, not that it has changed significantly, it’s just, water/beer weight, i suppose.

and i am always saying ok i am going to do sit-ups. tomorrow. and then i don’t.

and then i say ok tomorrow i am doing sit-ups.

and then we go to the bar and order greasy food and play megatouch for eleven hours and hang out in mack’s garage and drink more and put nails in the shelves and take the bolt cutters to everything and, cut stuff, and then valerie comes in and is uhhh why does it smell like you are painting in here? and i have caulking on my fingers and i am wearing a protective mask on my head and we are standing on fancy-expensive wood and fil is like, hi, we were uh, building you something?

best post ever.

i hate it when people freak out about cleaning and they are like excuse me buster i asked you to pick that up, pick it up.

and you are all yeh i will, relax.

and they are like pick it up now.

and then you say it will be picked up in a little while, what does it matter if it just chills there for a bit?

and then they say because i said pick it up now.

and you are all busy putting red crayon on your gi joe figures [for blood] and then you sigh, roll your eyes and say, in a really annoyed tone of voice, look man, can’t you see i am very busy right now? while you are pointing at the gi joes.

then you wait for the person’s hair to set on fire and they go completely apeshit and take the thing that they wanted you to pick up and they either:

a. throw it in the garbage

b. hide it someplace where you will never think to look and that they forget immediately where they put it

c. passionately destroy it in front of you

and then you casually mention that the thing does not even belong to you and you convince person that it is theirs and then you also tack on, “friggin’ idiot” at the end and then person has another freak-out and then you thank them for being the inspiration for your dis-membered gi joe diorama and you show it to them and you give ‘em the wink’n’gun and proclaim you will be eating eggo waffles because now you are all stressed out over the cleaning frenzy.

and as you are walking away you turn around and mouth “cleaning frenzy” silently at person and make the quotations action with your fingers.

collage gone done by imck/amber

RAYMI!

Here is a good story of me drunk last night when I realized that I don’t get along with people that don’t drink.

My friend was in town and was going to crash

on my couch. I was also buying a computer from him. So I pick him up

and get the computer and then he says he is hungry. I am like ok lets

go grab a bite to eat. We go to the (very nice) _wine_ bar in my

neighborhood so I can get a drink, plus I know my girl is going to be

there. So we are all hanging out and I buy him a glass of wine

because I know he is poor even though he wont admit it. He looks at

me like what are you doing. I said just drink this damn. So it took

him all night to drink this one glass of wine and for some reason it

turned his lips and his teeth black. Meanwhile my girl and I are

getting pretty drunk off wine and I order a big ass platter of meat

and bread and cheese because I know he is hungry. But then this

jackass refuses to touch any of it and says he is going to get

something to eat later. I couldnt believe it because i ordered a shit

load of food since he was whining about being hungry earlier. So I

scarf down the whole platter pretty much all by myself, with a little

help from my girl. then I get even drunker and he is swishing the

little amount of wine around in the bottom of his glass. I start to

dance with my girl and then the place is closing and he is on his cell

phone having an important convo with who knows who. Probably himself.

I go to leave and he is like “oh man what the fuck you cant drive”.

That made me pretty pissed but I thought, oh well I cant really argue

with him about this I will just let him drive. As soon as we get in

the car he is bitching again about how hungry he is!! WHAT? I couldnt

believe my ears. I said fine there is a mcdonalds on the corner the

drive thru is open lets go. I dont eat fast food, he says. I dont

care if you eat it or not, i say. If you arent going to eat it then

drive to my house. Its 12 oclock and I have to work. something that

he is not familiar with because he sits in a hole by himself all day

making dance records that nobody will ever hear. So now he wants to

drive around brooklyn looking for a place to get a hero at 12 oclock

on sunday. At this point I have had enough of his bitch ass and I

tell him to get moving towards my apt and I dont care how f’ing hungry

he is, and so on…. the little bitch tries to yell at me saying I

shouldnt drink and that I am an angry drunk. I only got angry after

he acted like a complete jackass the whole night. I am still pissed

off about this today. He better be out of my apt by the time I get

home.

What do you think about that story?

-alex

just so you know that *i* know, i will state the

following 3 points:

1. I owe having-a-blog to you.

2. Laura Petrie, Jamie are my friends thanks to you.

3. i thought there was 3… nevermind.

AND i was under the immpression laura had already told

you about it

the always loyal,

anti

why i go[went] to strip clubs in toronto…

i critique their dance moves

try and get blow off the stripper’s dealers

get those yuppie dudes to pay our tabs

scream at the lame girls and badmouth everyone in the bar

get free dances

put tens between my teeth and hand em round

im like a dirty ole man in disguise

i dont go often

every other month

and its always out of boredom

if u go with just one other it is painfully boring

i do it for material too

my stories

bla bla

raymi!

It was great

the voice is smart and funny

and very, very fluent — which is important

just needs more focus

then you’ll be in the catbird seat

You have a great story in there somewhere, and great means to tell it

in fact it could be quite commercial, as well as GOOD

Did you get my picture? (I need to hear ten million compliments about it etc…

What’s your day like? You’re up early, sweets… I’m scoring some gear today (as my Brit friends say) for the first time since the summer… been a good boy but it’s time to put THAT behind me…

hello, yes we want you to come to the office for a Matchmaker “audition” — nothing to it — just bring your audition form in January! we’re at the office mon-fri 10-6 drop in anytime!!!!

caroline

have a good holiday

>

>hi im raymi

>jakeman i believe, passed along my url to you

>and you are all in love with me

>as you should be

>hehheh

>i want to be on your little show

>tell me the who what where and when’s please

I’m a venture capitalist as well as a producer FYI.

I combine $$$ with art.

I’ve produced theatre, cd’d, art exhibits and more.

But thank you for recognizing me as a person.

I have to have a dialogue with a few industry folks before I can get you that

number.

Mark

‘living room’ is 215 sq. ft

‘dining room’ is 135 sq. ft.

These are the two rooms we have used as public space thus far.

The bedroom is about 130 sq. ft.

There are images and a PDF floor plan on the website. www.weewerk.com

G

Hiya Raymi,

I’m just transcribing the tapes from our interview and was wondering if you

could send me the digital pictures that Tim and you took during the shoot.

I also need to shoot your site with some of these pictures on them (as well

as your diary entries surrounding our shoot) and was wondering where they

were… you changed the layout for your site… just send me the right link

OK?

Thanks so much Raymi!!

M.

Hi Lauren

You’re the scab I just can’t leave alone.

Sorry ‘bout that….

So we are friends for life?

What is going on with you?

Are you still in Canada?

or away somewhere?

I’ve been living with Allison for two weeks now and have successfully pushed all my friends out of my life. That’s O.K. though. She has to go back to Montreal to change apartments. Then plans on going to Africa (fucking Mutha Lan’)… I’ll believe that when I see it. It’s a strange situation to try and base your plans on someone younger who leaves a trail of dead in their wake.

Ash says hi, he’s in the U.K. now. Email him will you? it would freak him out.

I’m planning conning them (Reuters) into giving me some business travel there. Unfortunately British Airways Business class is a thing of the past,. No more huge Gin and Tonics in the Lounge. I’ve got a couple of places to stay.

Pat

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

wie ben jij

raymi the butter says:

uh?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

who are you ?

raymi the butter says:

raymi, who are you

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

Zoë

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

do i know you ??

raymi the butter says:

do i know you?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

where you from ?

raymi the butter says:

canada

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

and how do you get my email ?

raymi the butter says:

i dont know. this is what msn does. it was an accident.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

do you have a photo’s for me ?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

of you

raymi the butter says:

yes its right there in front of you.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

ooh oke

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

but anyway nice meeting you

raymi the butter says:

i am also a girl. why did u change your photo to a sexy one.

raymi the butter says:

are you a lesbian?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

no

raymi the butter says:

why did u make that face?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

its a weird one

raymi the butter says:

how old are you?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

because i dont know if i like girls

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

im 15

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

you ?

raymi the butter says:

im 21.

raymi the butter says:

ok well i think i could go to jail for talking to you

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

its just talking

raymi the butter says:

so lets talk about picnics

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

picnics ??

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

why do you wanna talk about that

raymi the butter says:

because i am being silly

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

oo ok

raymi the butter says:

so where are you from

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

Holland

raymi the butter says:

are you tall?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

1.70 cm.

raymi the butter says:

um how much is that in feet

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

uuuh dont know

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

what is one cm in feet ?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

sorry i dont work with feet

raymi the butter says:

well in canada we use centimetres too but we dont walk around saying we are 1.7

centimetres tall.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

ooh oke sorry ?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

i didnt know

raymi the butter says:

no its ok

raymi the butter says:

i am looking for a ruler hang on

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

and what’s that ??

raymi the butter says:

a thing that u use in school that tells u how to measure stuff, it has both inches and centimetres on it

raymi the butter says:

do you even know what inches are?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

yes

raymi the butter says:

ok this is how tall u are

raymi the butter says:

5.5774278 feet

raymi the butter says:

i got my friend noel to answer the question for me

raymi the butter says:

i am too lazy to walk to the other side of the room and look at a ruler

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

oke haha

raymi the butter says:

u are smaller than i am, i am 5.8 feet and a little bit more when i wake up in the morning

raymi the butter says:

this means i am better than you are

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

not better your taller

raymi the butter says:

well aren’t you jealous of people who are taller than you are? i know i am.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

sometimes

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

but im not jealous about you im tall enough

raymi the butter says:

what does that emoticon mean, the one with the weird hair that looks like a hat?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

an angel

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

that means uuhm..

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

joiking with a smile

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

just for fun

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

nevermind

raymi the butter says:

oh ok. i never really used emoticons. theyre for adults who are new to the internet and for drunk perverts like me to make fun of. essentially.

raymi the butter says:

just for fun, you know.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

are you drunk ?

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

send me a photo please ?

raymi the butter says:

no i was drunk yesterday though.

raymi the butter says:

ok ill send a picture. a wholesome one.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

ok

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

what kinda music do you listen

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

you are pretty

raymi the butter says:

thank you

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

your welcom

raymi the butter says:

i think that you are pretty as well

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

i dont think so haha

raymi the butter says:

well stop being insecure. all u have to do is wear a cute scarf and have messy hair and wear chapstick on your stupid girl lips and all the boys will go WAAAAAAAAAAH crazy for you. acting stuck-up towards others girls can work in your favor sometimes. but this only works when u are 15.

raymi the butter says:

when u are 21 like me u will actually want to be friends with women.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

thanks for saying that.

[Wit]. & Little bit sick. says:

i think

raymi the butter says:

you are most welcome.

this is all from the year 2000 and i am 17 years old and drunk

10:31am

i’m having a trippy episode – my eyes are flickering and i’ve written my name obsessively on my styrofoam cup 14 times. some robitussin will calm me down. weed money is noted down as “walking money” on expense reports. hahaha.

1:26pm i am apparently – a neo-liberalist. thanks jason.

5:45pm

randomly chose to sit and chainsmoke and drink white chilled wine by myself at cafe riverside or something like that – this trippy bumpin’ loungeplace across the street from opera house. i have my own couch and booth and pillow. i just don’t have you here with me.

stef and diane are waiting outside in the cold becuz they’re hardcore fans like that of stereophonics and i am not.

i am really liking this song. i am in the mood for random drunkenness. yes i am i think so. random drunkenness alone.

countdown to valentine’s day.

countdown to acceptance of dan’s total unreliableness.

i sat there for awhile pretending you [not dan, someone else] were sitting across from me i sat there and i wrote bad poetry on the spot for you and i thought about you

about you

i lit another smoke and then i hugged the pillow

i did

on a monday nite

i did

i looked out the window and onto the street and i smiled at my loneliness

the two guys walked deeper into the room and looked at the lonely piano then took off their jackets

my pants match the color of the booth

i wish i was wearing all black

i search the room with sullen eyes for something familiar something that is me

the girl eats orange slices with a silver fork “do we get bread with that?”

i think about the lonely boy at the table in the rayne’s park coffeehouse in wimbledon/london and me at the tableseat near the window

alone and smiling weakly

you lied about your age. he lied about his job. the important things is you’re getting free drinks. – newad.com – advertising that talks to 18-34 year olds.

it suddenly got dangerously dark outside real fast.

i’ve got time to kill too much time what will i drink next? this cool,lobsided and wobbly looking lamp is beside me right now – ikea-ish?

therapy has been rescheduled for thursday at 2:40 then i work at 4.

wine makes me loopy sad and tired and aroused and hungry and my lids are heavy.

wine in a place like this costs an arm and a leg it does.

i will just sit here drinking and thinking about you.

could i possibly be more alone that this? sure. of course. there’s a stripclub just up a ways. durr…

quelle fucking drag you know.

they’re drinking dry martinis over there.

i’m becoming delusional.

i just thought that if someone did in fact join me, i would not be able to handle it. to deal. i just couldn’t, not ready for it.

laura and curly ate a 26 dollar steak once – they really did. i can’t believe i am amazed by that.

another smoke to lite and i am going the route of fucked-upness, i’m playing that card. so far i think it’s working half ‘n half.

next on the agenda is godet, milk, ice. it’s the GAP of Bailey’s i think or Ben once said, or maybe it was me.

i’ve left a temporary indentation in the seat where my ass would be and now i am leaving to be across the street and drink over there and listen to a band from the UK that i halfcare about but i am sure they are very nice.