ok i will tell you all a story about our weekend.

evidently, alcohol was consumed and a great deal of it and then we put on old lady costumes and were like RAAAAH let’s go knock on people’s doors!!!! but we didn’t, we just went down to the dock and took off all our costumes and went swimming and played the let’s drown each other game and the let’s get 5 people on the tiny floating raft game. fil injured himself and blamed it on me. pretty much anything bad that happened to fil i got in trouble for it cos fil had drank dronk himself a trillion shots of jager. he was wearing a placemat on his head with a rubber bat on it for awhile.

so then i go up to the cottage to make a couple bowls of kimchi because it was that part of the drunk where if you don’t eat something your head explodes and you start punching people and so i come bak down to three retards beating the ever loving shit out of each other with pool noodles so i am standing there with two steaming bowls of noodles and boiling water dripping all over my hands and i am trying to get their attention and finally they stop and eat a bit but fil takes off with one of the bowls to himself and hides beside the cottage in the bushes and i can’t find him so by now i am pissed off but he decides he is angry as well because i couldn’t find him and so he joins the rest of us still eating his soup and then he dumps all of it into the bushes by accident and goes away to sulk at the top of the driveway wearing nothing but his underwear.

ha.

and so of course somehow that was also my fault so i go over there and see him and am all like uhh why are you being weird in your underwear practically sitting in the road but lo and behold cousin sean comes up with a bucket stuck on his head and big stupid sunglasses with no shirt on just pants and no shoes either. so fil is quickly outdone in the weirdness department until he jumps on top of his car like spiderman and walks all over it with his dirty bare feet and sean is lumbering around like a monkey making fucked up noises still wearing a bucket.

but wait it gets better.

fil turns around and puts his arms in the air and says whip me so sean and i whip him at least ten times each as hard as we can with some twigs and while this is happening some kid walks by (it’s 4 in the morning btw) and is like uhh hey. can you imagine walking by someone’s driveway at 4 in the morning to see a 6’3 guy wearing underwear being whipped by a chick and a dude and the dude is wearing a bucket on his head and sunglasses and we’re all screaming?

anyway the kid leaves and we decide to follow him. the street is pitch black and then fil disappears off into the bushes at the side of the road intending to scare us anyway we’re making bird noises and monster growls to try and scare this kid and he keeps shining a flashlight back at us and then nothing then all of a sudden he is standing right beside us and shines the light in our faces and we all scream and jump back.

what a weirdo, i totally would have been one mile away if some asshole people were chasing me in the dark.

anyway he tells us a bunch of crap about going back to school or whatever and then we’re like see ya and eventually we all go to bed.

the end

sort of

oh and my new favorite thing is walking around saying Beep Beep Beep beep beep beep beep beep BeeP BEEP beep BeEp Beep bEEP beep beepbeepbeep over and over.

we saw red eye last nite. it was pretty shitty. the girl fucking drinks the water from the faucet in the airplane bathroom. uhhh?! there was a bunch of little kids in the theatre with their parents although it was a nine o’clock show and a thriller with blood and death and swear words. they kept chattering too. this is why i hate going to the theatre and would take the drive-in over it any day.

when i was at the mall i couldn’t be there for longer than an hour cos my nerves get all shot and my temper goes whacko and if a kid starts screaming i feel like i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

anyway, happy long weekend everybody.

fil and i have a wedding to go to on the weekend so i went out and bought the most not appropriate wedding going dress i could find. not that it is scandalous or anything, it’s just, dumpy the way of 1977 teenage babysitter and is not anywhere near the neighborhood of fancy. so i guess that makes it perfect.

so then i went on a spending all of my money in ten minutes spree on clothes. i haven’t bought clothes for myself in eons, not including the cheap wife beater i buy monthly that shrinks up to nothing that i never ever wash and then leave at my apartment in toronto which i never go to.

i got new jeans. yay. oh and a new purse so if anyone wants to buy that furry ragamuffin purse that i am always toting in photos for sentimental reasons let me know. i may even leave a bunch of junk inside of it. ok i WILL leave a bunch of junk inside of it. you like canadian nickels and busted eyeliner pencils right?

yesterday i brought home the most orgasmic butter chicken in the entire universe and called fil to tell him not to eat dinner so he says fine ok i won’t. when i finally taste test it myself with aimee it was all we could do not to pour the shit all over ourselves and foam at the mouth so i called fil again and was like DOOOOOD you get your ass here STAT otherwise we’re going to eat this entire thing.

that butter chicken was so good i wish i was eating it right now.

so then we go to the watering hole and get our drink on and aimee is chatting up some guy about some work and i am sitting at the megatouch machine and aimee is talking me up like this genius of a bitchgirl something or other and because of that i start carving into this sod as a way to get him to not like me but no the complete opposite happens and aimee is pissed cos it happens everytime. why is that? i mean fuck, men are retarded. i was seriously being an asshole.

ok so we leave fil and me and we rent sin city and try to get into it and it’s not so bad when you’re completely trashed as is was me though i’m certain it’s a lot better when you’re able to concentrate on the storyline for more than three consecutive minutes at a time.

i started thinking about that butter chicken again and my stomache went psycho and there was nothing salty to eat, there was only this lemon cake bread thing so i ate some of that but i was really thinking about onion dip and chips, the bane of my existance.

anyway i went to bed thinking that the second i wake up i’m going to buy some of that onion dip.

and that’s what i call a cool story.