lise and i went to the something pantry to eat lunch and i walked in on this fat woman wiping her ass in the bathroom hey lady LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR! then she spent ten minutes in there and i wanted to die. she comes out and spends ten minutes reading everything on the bulletin board right near me. i should have yelled out SORRY just to rub it in a little more. this was just before getting our food i’m lucky i didn’t see any bits. ok my stomache just flipflopped i can’t stop picturing her.

she also was eating a piece of cake by herself when we got there then she took a half hour dump in the one toilet available for the ladies so i took a pee in the men’s which smelled like a hot urine sauna.

then i ate a zuccini pancake and the girl behind lise said she wasn’t really into sauces, “I’m not a SAUCE PERSON.”

i met ladyinpublic yesterday. she’s a babe and so are her friends and i am like a hundred feet taller than them.

a year ago tomorrow

also

BEAT KIDS HITLER

BEAT KIDS BUTCHER

get ready to hear something emo.

watched shopgirl last nite, fil passed out during all the sad parts at the end and woke up to me crying on the toilet. i think it was the most honest thing i have ever seen on television despite it being a movie. if you want a good purge, watch it, an i-hate-every-older-rich-guy-i-ever-laid type purge and fully worth it. claire danes is the oprah of cinema, pure. fucking. tears. dude.

just a beautiful film oh and steve martin doesn’t do anything remotely funny in it. not saying that’s a good or bad thing, just a thing is all.

MY BLOG IS THE BEST BY RAYMI LAUREN

my blog is the best
it will make you visit death

it is hilarious and funny
it has made me a lot of money

there are so many biters out there
this blog sets them on fire with one stare

my template is so original
i swear my talents they are criminal

i am very very good looking
come over and do all my cooking

i am also very tall
and wise and sexy i will never fall

no i did not read your blog today
it is really really gay

yeah i linked you you’re welcome who cares
we will never be friends i would rather eat eclairs

my blog is the very best
it is better than all of the west

it’s called street cred
think about it, k-fed

when me and fil chat on the fone at work he has to pretend he is talking to a client and he says things like WELL I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ON THOSE RETURNS when i ask if he wants to go to this art show party and then he’s all bla bla portfolio interface and i’m like frap frap fart fffft pffft blerp bloop bleep VAGINA VAGINA MY VAAAAGIIIINA and he has to keep speaking like he is talking to a normal person and not a five year old with tourettes bye.

also this morning he texted for me to wake up i had enough sleep and i called him and said i had been up and painting since 9 and he said “oh” very quietly and i said are you a detective did you get all the facts and he said yes, case closed.