radmad and i are going shopping today because we are girls and girls shop while men work that’s the way it is. i will be buying some stockings. haha.

me falling down at gabby’s reminds me of this one saturday afternoon last spring — this guy totally wiped out on his bike like into a curb and everyone just kept walking EVEN FIL and i demanded to walk over to check if he was ok and fil’s reasoning was why bother cos he is embarrassed leave him be but i said fuck that and walked over, crossing the street and stopping traffic. dude was winded, yeah embarrassed but probably moreso cos people were acting like it didn’t even happen. so i say are you ok and he gets this super greatful look on his face and says yes and i say ok good and as i walk away he yells thank you at me like he meant it and he probably went home and masturbated to the memory of my angelic voice with his bloody scabbed palms.

moral of the story is: I AM THE NICEST MOST THOUGHTFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD.

ps. from now on all of my stories will have morals

pps. i look like your goony neighbour from 1972 in the above photograph.

Phil: what do you know about 1972 and thanks for making me look like a jerk while you are the superhero

me: well that was pretty jerky of you
my hair is 72
now if more people could be like me the world would be a better place don’t you think

last nite i slept on the couch cos i felt slighted cos of something dumb and so i’m in this super super deep sleep and fil yells out LAUREN GO TO BED and i said no and then at 4am he comes out and says LAUREN GO TO BED he claims that he said COME to bed. and i did. the point of this story is that I WON THE ARGUEMENT cos fil cracked and CAME TO ME.

the end.

ps. fil was so inspired by this post he made some poetry

i go outside sometimes

i boycotted survivor once that fucking with the mother’s bird nest shit happened and it’s a shame that it was that cowboy guy who did it. i don’t care if people say oh it’s not the show’s fault it’s his fault – but yet they ware filming it all they know that once a human touches a bird’s young and then replaces it to the nest that bird is dead city. i learned that when i was a one year old for fuck sake so yeah pffft goodbye.

gabbly link

it’s on the sidebar too. my mom is already there in her element. siiiiiiiigh.

so if you put http://gabbly.com in front of any url you can instantly chat with people who are browsing that site so if you click this which is http://gabbly.com/raymitheminx.blogspot.com we can chat for houuurs and yet another reason to read my stupid fucking blog. it’s not rocket science. you can do it to your website too. or mine do mine so you can talk to wankstas who hate me that’ve been blocked from my comments oooOOOOOr you can pretend to BE ME.

two of the best are raymi the minx and the pants. they have nudity and alcohol abuse in common but the similarities pretty much end there. both are insanely good writers in their own right. raymi lives in toronto and is a pretty big deal in canada, as far as introverted self-published writers go. her blog can be boring at times but she writes and updates frequently, has a cool layout that is ever-changing, and keeps her finger on the pulse of weird societal phenomena. and the occasionally-excellent photography, typically of her and her friends drinking, but also abstract close-up shots of whatever she comes across in her life. the photos often display a great eye for composition and are stacked one after the other with no border between them, creating a silent, chaotic narrative. plus she’s hot and will sometimes post an arty topless pic of herself. raymi is also a pretty decent singer. part of the allure of her blog is wondering when/if she’ll ever crawl out from under her own melancholy and become the big star she half-wishes to be. it’s like rooting for that great garage band in your hometown to hit it big, but kind of hoping they don’t because then they’ll stop returning your calls and commence sucking. i suspect i like her site in part because of the reflection of my own introverted writingly-ness or whatever.

guiness world record

most t-shirts worn at a time: 155

rules.

last nite part 2

fil says that i only see the worst in people and that’s why i have nothing but negative observations i said that’s because everyone is bad the parts of them i see i dunno i guess he is right but talking shit is way more interesting than bigging up some fluffhead.

so over fil’s shoulder (this was before i bit it on the stairs, after that happened i stopped with the negative observations) i see this fluffy blond hair chick her hair is trying to be straight but cos of the weather i guess it was getting wavy which made me feel superior obviously. she was bragging about being spoiled in fact she said I AM SO SPOILED ahaahahaah IT’S SO RIDICULOUS. then she went on about how she will drive to her parents house to food shop she said I GET A BAG AND I GET CHEESE BREAD MEAT FRUIT VEGETABLES… then she giggles and chuckles and says I’M GOING TO BE THE WORST WIFE YOU KNOW USELESS THE TYPE THAT DOES NOTHING AT ALL.

she’s sitting with these three dudes and they’re all laughing at everything she is saying, humor-laughing cos they all want to fuck her which was super gay cos there was another girl in their party that was totally ignored cos her table was slightly separated, one of these douches should/coulda joined her but no they were way too interested in useless fluffhead, cock-blocking the fuck out of each other.

she kind of looked like the rich blond snot from facts of life top right. KILLKILLKILL.

she was drinking ice water too, like, FOREVER. that really annoyed me. i dunno why, just did. and she’s sitting with her legs slightly parted, wearing jeans and totally ugly out of style shoes, she’s sitting in this desperately slutty way LIKE HOW I SIT but when i do it it looks natural, the way she was doing it was like she was controlling the whole table. and then she flirts with this dude who has a girlfriend but still is in his face touching his arm in shit while the girlfriend is in the bathroom and even when she comes back and he pulls her in but fluffhead is still touching him trying to get all his face-time and she didn’t even watch the hockey game.

i will offer up more observations as i remember them.

oh yeah so fluffhead leaves and no dudes leave with her cos they all blew it for each other and so they are forced to join the ignored girl and her dumpy friend who showed up and then i watched the one guy wearing his hat backwards talking while subtletly picking his nose and eating it. it was awesome.