hey is there any raymi guide to dealing with jealousy in
relationships? i feel like such a terrible and paranoid person for it,
but i think its pretty much normal in all my relationships not
controlling so much, and not worried the person will cheat, but
worried that they harbour secret feelings for a particular other
person, and worried they may have a better connection with a
particular other person
ugh
i bet i have a personality disorder of sorts

you have to just get over it and be the best you that you can be so that squashes out any potential jealousy cos why would someone like someone more than you? absurd! that’s how i play it anyway. i have massive jealousy issues spurned from fucking around on pretty much every dude (bastards who deserved it and likely mutually fucked around on me too) i have been with. you know how robbers think everyone’s a thief? exactly that mentality. so basically you can’t be a slut. if you can go back in time and never be a slut then you can never be jealous right?

this is the way i used to think about it but you know there are some girls out there who just can’t mack it, they’re 5’s or something and bound to one day be in the same room as an 8 and their boyfriend, how do they manage? they usually try to control the situation by bailing on it forcing their bf to follow soon after. gay. why not put all your energy into being an 8 instead of worrying about one? then when you find yourself hot and coveted, ditch that guy for someone else.

the less time you spend worrying about jealousy, other chicks, the hotter you are. if you have a concrete vibe that this guy isn’t feeling you and could possibly be engaging in emotional cheating with another woman, this means that you are not being the best you that you can be. straight-up ask him or leave, those are your options. jealousy does not look hot on anybody.

try to avoid alpha females though they are obnoxious and never shut up and sometimes stupid guys get caught up in to their shit. i am part alpha-female so this is quite the pickle, personally. i’m a special breed of alpha though, cos i only half-care (bipolar). i only can’t stop myself when either gunned or egged on, which is constantly cos i am funny and usually everyone else is a wet blanket so then i get to see the look in other female’s faces of irritation combined with tolerance. look, it’s an open floor and anyone can fucking take it, but they don’t, so you should be the one. follow? avoid alphas, but LEARN FROM THEM. the only guys who want mother-types are not the guys you want to be with.

there are/were certain girls in my past who took great pleasure speaking to my ex and old me would have stood in-between them and hawk-eared everything they were saying but then i started focusing on my awesome self and wouldn’t even bother approaching their snoozefest music chat. eventually i didn’t even bother joining in period. i always felt that a couple should do everything together, if you are constantly going out separately that is a red flag, relationship failure. i don’t feel that way anymore, i grew up. it’s healthy to do other things but if that fucker refuses to meet you half way and do some of the things you like to do then it’s not even and it’s goodbye time. so in a way i became that insecure 5 cos i bailed entirely to make my point. fun how you have to seemingly play games in a relationship eh? it never ends.

as anti-feminist it is to say you need to be better to maintain that attraction-factor from your boyfriend (fuck him HE should be the one trying to woo you over again and again) there is some truth to it and along the way you may realise that he sucks and will be better off single for a little while and insecure for other non-jealousy reasons.

good luck love raymi

soooo since i’ve “been single” (it’s complicated)(and kind of no one’s business anymore) a lot of crazy has come my way. no doubt. specifically an old guy friend of mine (claims to not read my blog also i do not give a fuck anymore so why am i protecting him?) has been steadily badgering me and i have been steadily ignoring him. he wants to get together to tell me some bullshit about his life but his emails read like intends to kidnap and murder me, not kidding. one friend refuses to even read them anymore they are shockingly that bananas.

now i feel a teensy bit of obligation toward this guy cos i feel for him as he is a giant fucking loser, no offense guy. while i have also lost a boatload of respect for him as he has not done a solid thing to better his plight (depression, head issues, i dunno all of that and more). anyway i told him straight that i am no good friend to anybody these days, my life is a giant fucking mess how am i to give a shit about anyone else other than myself right now? it’s just not possible.

the guy is grappling with whether he should abandon me as a friend or not. while i was with phil this guy and i had little to no contact but now that it’s out raymi’s possibly on the market, in flocks the crazy. like why all of a sudden so demanding? i’m not an idiot.

this guy and i hung out a lot just prior and overlapping phil and i’s getting together, we had another friend too. all we did was longboard and drink and fuck around, it was fun. i miss those times because i was young and who knew how my life was going to turn out i didn’t care it was a sunny day perfect boarding weather yeah? so then of course these two dudes get crushes on me and it gets complicated, and messy. to someone who is depressed and lonely and more or less fine with the way their shitty life is sprinkle me on top of that and POW it changes. yes i am saying i am awesome. i am vibrant and zany and hot and totally extreme and should probably never be allowed to be near unstable men ever fucking again cos it always turns out the same. the problems and disasters of their lives magically wipe away for a little bit and then when they realise i am leaving i become the catalyst for all that wrong. it’s total bullshit. i saw it a mile away with these two guys. each had a girl who fucked them up prior to me that i got to hear all about and all i thought the entire time was wow you guys are giant losers get over it you’re 21 oh you tried to kill yourself too? brilliant.

i had a point when i started slamming on my keyboard but now i don’t know what it is anymore. i felt pretty sharey and i guess i’m going to start with more of that maybe. i am tired of censoring myself and putting up with everybody’s bullshit. i haven’t been this depressed since i was a teenager. i was so exhausted yesterday by it i couldn’t keep my eyes open passed 7 o’clock. this letter/reply is what partially inspired this blog vomit. i have more to say on it but just hit an exhaustion wall plus i have work to do so who cares what more i have to say.

proving that readers of Lauren White’s decade-old blog will do whatever @raymitheminx politely asks them to do.

no one wants to be in a band with me because i would violently hog the spotlight. it’s ok i “get” it. fully. way to miss the biggest potential money pot ever though, retards. i wrote some punk songs regardless of all that. there is no sense in depriving you of my amazing one song a decade writing skills so here she goes no laughing!

WHITE TRASH BALLAD by lauren white

i know a boy
he said to me
you’re very ugly
it’s plain to see
i said why don’tcha
check your fuckin’ eyes
i’m gonna give you
a big surprise

i know a girl
she’s dead to me
she was my best friend
since we were three
i said why don’t you
just run away
and so she did
that was last may

i knew a boss man
and i don’t care
for any of his
bossin’ affairs
he told me baby
that this is it (point to crotch)
i told that fucker
i fuckin’ quit!

and then my baby
he ran away
i didn’t need him
why should he stay
i told my baby
you give me head
or else dear boyfriend
you’re fuckin’ dead (cringe!)

my dyin’ wishes
i ain’t got none
don’t want no cryin’
just drink ’til sun
no hocus pocus
no churchy rhymes
take out that bill roll
and bust some lines

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA ok some laughing is allowed. i wrote this in the car early summer in like 15 seconds and it’s kind of a rip of a song we did in an old band i was in.

the other song i wrote is too gay for typing you would have to just hear it which will be never so bye have a great case of the mondays!

subject: fell in love an hour ago with you

Kate P

errr?

did you let a 4 year old girl decorate this year?

you’ll find it at the corner of Hannibal Road and Flesh Way.

EWW.

pinned bjork buns best curl yet.

more in a sec.

Allan Says:

and oh yeah, did I mention she is one of the most brilliant writers anywhere

the order of these is straight fucked.

(terribly) belated bday gift from me, to sass, that shirt.

two-day braids holding up.

cool left turn line-up!

that dude beside me i busted him pullin’ the massivest ugliest yawn ever.

love these ancient bridges.

i need to get a new shit purse. a purse for my shit inside of my bigger purse, purse. roots need to get did too. awful store lighting.

well if carrie bradshaw’s old face can do this then so can you no?

err. not flattering mirrors plus the tween store chick’s were spying us hard. amaaaazing twirling dress though for sure.

did not get, not practical for winter. it got stuck over my head and arms and it felt like the end of the world, sheer panic. happens lots you’re like I DO NOT WANT TO BUY THIS FUCKING SHIRT BUT I MIGHT HAVE TO COS I’M ABOUT TO SPLIT EVERY SINGLE SEAM INCREDIBLE FUCKING HULK STYLE IN TWO SECONDS HELP. my trick for that is to take a breath, calm down, inhale, tip toes and arc my back like the letter C and shimmy that fucker up and off.

sweating while shopping. my favourite.

a full bladder and weed pasties and mall anxiety. i ended up selecting a black/white striped number, kinda slouchy but not so much as i chose a small size. sass got a leopard print fur jacket thing and dave got pants and a cool shirt. i regret not getting the shirt i wanted initially and bee-lined for boxing day. kinda one-trick ponyish, but so am i, so perfect. i’ll go back for it.

oh gawd.

all this and more can be yours if you come visit me. bye sassbian xoxo.

going to try and get out with the dogs today. maybe karaoke if it exists anywhere out here tonite.

sass is back after her long work’ation in LA nice nice. more on that later but for now round II of stoner chat with spliffanie. happy friday pals!

me: pick a picture u want for your updated stoner logo
oh thats right i like hearing about drama class too

Steph: HAHAH
I WON AN AWARD

me: HAHAA
thats good
cute girls usually win stuff

Steph: i went to like, drama competitions

me: i went to my room and read fear street novels by myself

Steph: i read christopher pike

me: me too
they were better cos they had elements of sex

Steph: totally
pic sent

me: k
what one should i do

Steph: um one of the ones in the heart sunglasses?

me: ok
do u want a new stoner name

Steph: sure you have one in mind?

me: spliffy steph doesnt flow
no offense
i like it its just i dunno
you hate stoner steph?

Steph: stoney stephy?

me: omg are u mad at me
HAHA
stoney steph is great

Steph: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
no
i was doing something else
hahaha i cant stop laughing

me: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
im you!

Steph: right so funny

me: k is there something better than resin raymi
i feel like
“i feel like” in ryans voice haha
ryan doing steph
ew
i feel like some people dont know what resin is

Steph: HAHAHAHA
roach raymi?

me: what stoner words are there that begin with r oh brb ill get my copy of junky
roach is good

Steph: ummm

me: theres a glossary in william s burroughs’ junky of drug terminology
its dated tho
btw i like that u are jealous of the author of the book that u are currently reading

Steph: HAHAHAH

me: you’re like i hate you read read read

Steph: ya she’s funny and good and enjoyable to read, im almost over my jealousy
but not quite

me: and u wont share it either
there is nothing that starts with r

Steph: its called I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley. what a name eh. but then she goes and makes fun of it

me: oh man i hate that way to win me over

Steph: i hate that too

me: is she a character out of babysitters club

Steph: baaahahaa i know
once i wrote a book that was a total rip off of sweet valley high
its hilarious

me: HAHAHA

Steph: print shop chapter title pages

me: ok my name is raymi the tea head
yours doesnt have to be an s word

Steph: k good that was cheesy
no offense
DONT BE MAD
jhahahahahaha

me: HA!
do u know what a tea head is
sorry i am old world bohemian

Steph: no clue

me: tea head, head, viper user of marijuana
chucks is excessive hunger
for sweets
heroin users get it
flop is a drunk passed out on a subway station bench
thats you

Steph: i think more people know what resin is then what tea head is

me: well theyll know once they read this

Steph: are you getting terms from burroughs?

me: yes
ok do u have a change?
stoney steph?

Steph: tea head fred
please

me: raymi the tea head fred
no im going to be raymi the tea head

Steph: no i want to be called tea head fred

me: i think you smoked too many roaches

Steph: so many rules man

me: haha
there are no rules
stephy the skid
like billy the kid

Steph: ug why do they all sound so gay

me: because they are?

Steph: hahahha

me: MARIJUANA MARTHA
thats your name

Steph: sigh

me: the caps lock didnt seal it

Steph: hahaha no

me: urg
ok last chance
or should we keep our names

Steph: no they’re gay
ummm

me: ok

Steph: im asking rye
he’s smart

me: ok

Steph: spliffanie
he’s a genius

me: WOAH
nice

Steph: i know

me: im jealous!

Steph: hahah ill ask for you

me: thank u

Steph: cannabis sativaymi

me: way too confusing

Steph: rollin raymi?

me: hmm
hahahahaha
funny cheesy

Steph: brb

me: ok we can wrap it up now burn out

Steph: did i annoy you haha

me: HAHA no
aw

made good on that lazy ass thing and finally met with gym to have a reckoning. account is frozen, still paying. will have a 6 month credit with gym afterward whenever i like. whatevs. can’t get an appt with crazy doctor til early march. haven’t even seen the guy since before before the big change. will have to get chill pill refill from fam doc. notes to self.

and where do you think you are? her bf was barefoot too (at least kept his socks on) stroking her ass sides with his feet while reading in jogging pants. how long exactly is your go train travel you little lullaby land babies, can’t get comfers-cozers enough? uggs i spy down there, ‘course i do.

it was also FREEZING how hot do your feets get? bare feet in public places is just straight-up disgusting. disgusting for the person and super unhygienic. just gross. add to that jogging pants and the full circle of lazy display is complete. we get it you are in RELAXATION MODE.

ew again! what the hell is going on here why do we need to see the umbilical cord? and why is there a globe bubble inside of that woman? i think the guy who makes these has a wicked sense of humour actually.