what goes around is all around
Well it’s time for an unprecedented post. I decided to house this here instead of facebook because it’s so important to me.
Today is your birthday and you deserved to have many more birthdays. The size of the loss felt in your absence is undeniable. bro it’s fuckin huge. I don’t even know how to write this tribute. I’ve been delaying it because there is so much to say, it’s overwhelming trying to navigate honouring your memory. The grief comes in waves, a very uncomfortable feeling. You don’t realise the amount of time in your daily life someone is always around for you until they are gone. Your go-to. Your number 1. I knew it while you were here and was always grateful and mindful as I practice that kinda shit now but it was such a huge blow when I found out from your sister you had passed away. I screamed. I lost it I fucking LOST ITTTTTT. Writing this now brings it all back to the hurt. And sorrow.
But I don’t think you want to hear about that sad part and because it is your birthday today I will focus on the fun happy shit instead because I cannot type when I am crying which I fully am now the floodgates are open if you saw me right now you would laugh I am hunched over the bed standing up pure full spine curvature like an arachnid my favourite gargoyle pose.
Our kinship was one you would never see coming. You found me thru MTV Creeps and eventually stood out amongst the “little raymis” becoming more of a confidant about ten years ago, who knows when you actually saw MTV Creeps because it was replayed a lot on MTV Canada but anyway my first stand-out memory was being in my apartment in Toronto by Moss Park (so sketchy) and messaging you whatsapping the behind scenes gossip about a shitty boyfriend playin’ in my face and you were always there for me to unload on things that bug me, in moments when you’re angry af and you need to type it at someone Dan was always my someone he got me thru so much shit I am forever endlessly grateful.
Dan was all about zen and imparting wisdom on the right approach to everything in life. A true buddy. a true friend. My best friend. I was so shattered when I heard the news. Haunted. Nauseous.
We had so many inside jokes long-running immature stupid shit, similar interests, we would watch the same shows and discuss them, all garbage reality escapist stuff we loved the most. When I am watching them now I will think of things to say to you and be angry knowing you missed some insignificant thing you would find amusing. I still message you. I keep our whatsapp chat alive and revisit so many treasures in there.
I am so happy I was able to visit you for a week before Christmas. We had an amazing time snowed-in the subfreezing temps of Alberta together. We completed a puzzle, ordered food, watched all the movies we had geeked out about watching together for years finally, helped you hang more art, made art, opened christmas presents, laughed and talked it was a complete joy.
I didn’t know how to title this post I thought HBD DAN RIP was not funny so I went with a Rickyism instead we both love to share when the time would call for it. Other good ones you quoted, it’s all water under the fridge. Getting two birds stoned at once. lol. it’s not rocket appliances, also a very good one.
Your love for the Beatles was familiar to me as my Dad is a John Lennon head like you so that was a fun connection bond. The Big Lebowski got a lot of action between us as well.
I’m just gonna wrap this up. I miss you everyday. You were so much to me to many and it’s not fair. I love you Dan and I thank you for being my best friend. You helped me in many ways that I can never repay.
to everyone else, please send positive vibes to Dan’s family and loved ones, and cherish your loved ones. And enjoy your life!
