be inspired by my suffering

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welcome to the land of my next unachievable intense conquest.

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BRING IIIIT JAMES.

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wasn’t planning on a hands-on demo at my new fitness centre today The Motion Room (grand opening was tuesday, early bird special fyi.) but once i saw it with my own eyes i couldn’t resist, improperly dressed for it or not let me at that stat. major gym withdrawl hanging around burlington so long.

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could give yourself a face plant from these air push-up swing apparatus things so easily that’s why i’m smirking.

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i was holding them too daintily, you gotta grip ‘em, closed-fist.

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time to get that dope in shape. shirt tag is sticking out thank you for TELLING ME.

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um how funny is this picture please say i am not the only one convulse laughing the couch to pieces right now we’re like a who’s line is it anyway sketch where one person is either sitting, standing or lying down.

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here i’m saying to james seriously i cannot do push ups this is going to be so embarrassing.

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then he told me how and i could do some, not the girl way. awesome.

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i’m so rocky.

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plop. splat.

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and now i am sweating profusely. 1. hangover sweats 2. i am a sweaty person 3. sitting in the car with the sun on me very still my body was just waiting for a reason to soak my shirt, hit the motion room and BAM i have to remove my fake rich girl shirt it’s practically disintegrated into nothing by now anyway (it was cheap).

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then it was joseph’s turn to make me compete like a hyper-active mental soldier in training. there’s a couple moves that stumped the rain man part of my brain. maybe we’ll make a video.

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i asked what part of your body benefits from this psychotic rendition of hopscotch and before he could answer i said everything on my body that’s jiggling right now right? ugh i could see everything from all angles and a tight translucent white camisole is so not your friend during a drill.

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i was really ripping it. told these guys i do NOT LOSE i think they believed me.

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how fun is astroturf??? these guys are smart. it was like walking into your own fantasy football field with the movie toys god i love that movie. astroturf runway.

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i’m going to blow my load at lululemon this weekend.

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learning and listening face on. guys i get my own personal trainer for six months (three to start and then maybe 6) three times a week am i mental or what? i am being lectured about nutrition too. i guess that means it’s time for a detox so long johnny walker and jim beam its been swell. (just kidding i don’t drink that stuff).

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my blob arms are going to be ripped. before photo. not very fair though as i’m not flexing. ps. that cowl whatever thing (dicky? hahaha) is great for hiding arm fat mom can you grab me the grey one too please i’ll reimburse (cheapskate).

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burlington makes me get off my gym track i always pump a few visits before going out there then i sit on my ass hard.

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these balls have sand in them and you lift them to and fro without making the sand inside move i can see getting obsessive about that which is great because then you don’t realise you’re actually doing physical work you’re too busy being insane focusing on your one job which is to not disturb a pile of sand inside a ball.

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my favourite elliptical is at the motion room too. i have been seduced.

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i felt really sheepish and ashamed when i was brought a bottle of water not even 3 seconds into it and sweating. i am a fat bastard.

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hahhehehehh it’s like that t-shirts on the guy youtube viral video.

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i better look good naked again severely fast.

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and guess what MILFs? daycare/drop-off facility which also doubles as a party room for your kids. it’s called kidz360.

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um i might have to do a portion of my training in the kidz360 room for one of my sessions. it’s really important.

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i got mad imaginary seas to sail guys you might want to take a knee or something this is going to take awhile and can you get me something to wear out of the boy’s pirate box please? devastatingly crucial.

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don’t people look so much more important when they’re holding things? i look positively brilliant like, i am so going places in the world obviously, i drink water and i’m holding a t-shirt (for another day) i am a planner, i plan ahead. that’s what that is right there.

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that bar is 7.5 pounds. pole aerobics is tough i walked out of a lesson once with my mom and felt like a total out of shape loser. i hadn’t worked out in years at the time now i could totally hack it.

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i am a hoarder. i have to hold as man things as possible at all times. remind me to talk about my space/chairs hoarding in bars.

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james knows everything and i could tell he’s not going to let me get away with mentally checking out. most people go to a trainer because they realize they need help, they need to be told how to work out and require the motivation and the shaming-aspect. i wonder if they get sworn at a lot. maybe i should watch some episodes of the biggest loser to practice how verbally abusive i can be. so next week i go back for my agility tests and other things they need to see how fit i am and then they will tell me the brutal honest truth of how fat i am. CANNOT WAIT. i’m going to bring some friends along with for a beating if any of you sloths are game for it. cute outfits, mirrors, astroturf, trainers, no brainer much?

The Motion Room

Monday-Thursday 6AM-9PM
Friday 6Am-7PM
Saturday & Sunday 8AM-5PM

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more later i have to finish cleaning my palace. palais raymi.

i missed toronto.

i have funny stories from last nite i know my mom is on pins about what i will or will not say. suspense.

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