it felt like my ovaries were exploding from the inside out for awhile there but after several advils and vodka perriers i feel right as rain writing and writing my little story about depression and alcoholism and neurosis. i made this expired pizza and it fell apart and the dough just wouldn’t cook and i wasted half a thing of goat cheese on it too.
we saw mr and mrs smith the other day and it is half terrible and i have never been so fucking annoyed before in a movie theatre and that’s saying a lot because i am always annoyed to all fuck in movie theatres. this time a couple of fat kids kept going for soda refills and throughout the entire film you could hear one asshole eating popcorn and crinkling his bag like dude you figure 30 minutes into the movie people are done eating BUT NO this fucker is crinkling and chewing as loud as he can the entire fucking time. i kept fantasizing about different bitchy things to yell at him. ok i was seriously annoyed by him and i was maybe 6 rows away, you’d think everyone surrounding him would say something or at least make “i am annoyed right now at you” groans or something. if i was sitting beside him i would have leaned over and been all psss psss dude CAN YOU SHUT THE MOTHER FUCKING EFF UP OR AT LEAST CHEW QUIETLY AND PUT A HANDFUL OF POPCORN IN YOUR HANDS SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO CRINKLE AND RUSTLE THE BAG EVERYTIME YOU GO FOR MORE LIKE HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU MAKE ME WANT TO PUT CHLORINE IN MY EYES AND RIP ALL MY HAIR OUT ONE STRAND AT A TIME AND THEN GET HIT BY THREE TRANSPORT TRUCKS AND THEN WALK THROUGH FIRE AND BROKEN GLASS NAKED IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE FAMILY!!!
and so on.
why the hell do they offer the loudest snack food at movie theatres anyway? why don’t they give people bubble wrap while they’re at it and maybe some pop rocks and hand grenades.
everytime these fat kids got up to leave their chairs made that loud clank clank swinging motion noise.
one of these days i’m gonna go postal, i just know it.
i fucking know it.
