when people run out of ways of getting attention, they start lying.

they make up these ridiculous stories all of the time and you sit there going ya, uh huh, yaaa, and you are like, yo guy, you know that i know that what you are saying is utter bullshit and not at all believable, right?

and then the guy gets super-ass defensive all scary angry at you and has to find someone in the room to back up his tall-tale so he brings someone back who heard the story a year ago and the guy goes see this is jack, jack knows, jack was there so it happened, yo! and jack nods his head all out of it and bored and disappears and because you don’t want to make waves you act like you believe the fable and go back to thinking about lipstick and tennis rackets and then the fucker has to ruin your time all over again by saying another lie because his lie-o-meter is set to full now, thanks to jack.

and so Dr. liarface gets all into lying again and by now you have zero patience for the shit but it’s ok because liar doesn’t notice at all because he is so into fabricating this version of the same lie he always tells that it doesn’t matter if you are listening or not so then because you are a callous asshole, you turn to liefuck and say, hey liefuck, maybe if you got a job, perhaps you wouldn’t have to make up all this non-existant crap all of the time and then you would actually be interesting. how about that?

but because liar’s entire life is one big fantasy it is not possible for him to change.

so you should probably avoid him.

‘cept for when yer bored in the bar and feel like hearing about on-fire unicorns with machine guns duct-taped to their heads.

and i think we all agree that the BEST is when some guy tells a story that happened to him but it’s actually a story that happened to you and you told him about it a year ago and then you get to see with your very own eyes that this douchebag rips you off MAJOR! and you think, fucker, he probably tells all of my stories. i am SO not ever telling a story to him EVER AGAIN and then you look around the room at everybody looking at douchebag standing up telling YOUR story to them and the looks on their faces are like, wow, he is FINALLY saying something interesting and some people are actually LAUGHING and SMILING and your blood starts to boil and the veins in your forehead begin to pulse and your eyes get all squinty-mad and douchebag story stealer makes eye-contact with you and he swallows loud, all nervous-like ‘cos he forgot that you were at his social gathering and now he is FUCKING BUSTED and he is so scared that he stops telling the story, not altogether, he just kinda pauses.

and then dennis goes, come on, GO ON, what happens next?

and martha goes, ya! tell us!

and then you say, ya douchebag! tell us what happens next, please do go on, i can’t possibly wait to hear all about your trip to China.

and then Sally says, hey, didn’t YOU go to China too!?

and that’s when shit hits the fan and lying douchebag is exposed and when you leave his shoddy apartment of lies, you help yourself to a couple unopened bags of potato chips and a knick-knack or two.

paige wants a party.