to rant is to blog
Hi douches! So after any Raymazing event I typically “go dark” for a little bit or try to but it’s hard when everyone messages you about it and like NEED to know what they missed out on shut up fuckhole I don’t feel like speaking right now I’m hungover and maybe you should have went? No hate really but like wait at least two days before talking to me after I do something. I need ample down time to reflect on all the giant mistakes I made, hyper-over analyze every conversation I had that night with everybody and try to remember all the “too far things” I said and did, cry, genuflect on who might be pissed at me for whatever reason and vow to NEVER DO ANYTHING AGAIN IN THE PUBLIC HEMISPHERE. Contemplate suicide. Start job searching. Eat a lot of food. Watch a lot of tv and generally mentally get as far away from the person that I am as I can. You know, the typical.
Sorry for the ranting not really though, I could certainly go on but I am kind of exhausted from a flame war I just started on twitter, so… lol. I wasn’t going to even say anything about how infuriating the typical bullshit of weblog awards blog judging goes, when people piss you off online you take the high road these days and give them the attention they deserve which is none but I figure why not go at’er for old time’s sake again? I have fortunately won many awards from this particular weblog awards site before in the past, which is a marvelous feat in and of itself considering half my readership sure as shit were voting against me to lose and I still prevailed all those times. Even though I don’t vote I believe in voting. Haha.
Some may just be calling us sore losers but you’d think there would be at least one skilled or intelligent person on the jury panels that vote for these blogs because full offense, the ones I see in the running now sure as hell suck. As much as I would be irate with jealousy and shame if Casie were in there over me at least she deserves it over the others I see. Mommy blogs are cult circle coupon clicking rings that have legions of other mommy bloggers fangirling them in the hopes that they TOO will get a box of Tide. They ALL have the same agenda and shitty material, literally, posts about diapers. ALL of them. No offense to shit at all, I love shit BUT how do you decipher which is the best? Oh I know you get a panel of safe and un-subversive jurors to flag blogs like MINE or Casie’s and get us out of the way when our people nominated us to be there. Take away the voting system and you take away people who know, people who read and know these blogs and love them. Do you expect any of those people to love us? Fuck no they jealous. We make them appear loud and clear like the boring and unoriginal weblogs that they are and that’s why for three years in a row now I have not scooped up the “lifetime achievement” “award” that I deserve. Yes I realise I sound like a stupid ass for even acknowledging or caring but you upset my fans, or at least one or two or three or four of them. And when those four people get upset, I get upset! Because we really really care we were totally banking on this award like I really needed it because I didn’t at all foresee this coming, not at fucking all like there was a track record of this. I said good day sir!
I even beat DOOCE in 2006 in the weblog awards. International. Not just Canada. Dooce! She’s down Katie Couric styles and Oprah plus CNN and little known Raymi the Minx did that. Also I personally apologize to Schmutzie for having this same blow up tirade at her every year when this happens, it is no personal attack against you and deep down it really doesn’t inflame me so much I find the written word can get blown out of proportion like I am screaming all of this right now as I type it. I’m actually pretty chill right now eating pad thai.
No offense to the other bloggers personally either. I just find myself ten billion times more interesting. I guess you would expect that after fifteen years of navel-gazing. I have the readership to show for it. I guess we will see what happens in the future and I guess we will because everyone sees what happens in the future because it’s the future. Anyway life goes on and so does my blog with or without new achievements to brag about that make people hate you more. I got enough of those already.
People think food pics are boring. I think they’re cute. They tell a story. They say I am fat or I am thin or I don’t eat carbs but I eat bacon and I probably have high cholesterol and later on I will crap this all out pass the hot sauce.
Tomorrow I’m going to post some of my jokes I didn’t read on Friday night!
I’m singing at the Central on Monday night if you wanna come by and say hi no big deal. I also wrote a long-ass email script about a crazy date I had that might be chosen to be re-enacted on telly I am probably not allowed to tell you but too late have a nice day love you bye bye.