I can’t do this alone don’t make me
Yesterday I ran around all day doing errands it felt and because I am a blogger things take longer like, getting offered free lunch when I was intending to starve all day on coffee like I normally do. I think writing this last sentence just broke me of my blogger’s block. Remember when I said I’m a blogger not a fighter I thought a smart person would say you’re a blogger not a writer. It is good to know that there are no actual smart people on the internet and nobody said that to me and got my feelings hurt. Phewf. ps. I have Lohan freckles. Only on my face though thanks to the sun.
There is no way I could wait til fall to start using this clutch, also, it matched my dress perfectly. Steve was like go with pink I was like no way Steve.
So I had a me-day. Why not. Sometimes you don’t gotta blog man. Those times we call, hangover. Man I wasn’t going to talk about how hungover I am today but who cares, we had date night and cube back-to-back so it was defskies a PBENAYSHE kinda day. Even when I am not working I am working, documenting, walking around in a circle while on the phone I think we will need a family phone plan based on our phone habits. He’s at the salon all day and calls me on his smoke breaks omg he’s calling right now and is singing red red wine to me lol okay balcony break brb. Hi I am back wow look at what Playboy said on twitter about me today I feel like Rihanna, my life is a dream life it is getting nuts!!! Good thing.
PBE also retweeted one of my quotes from my Raymi Bunny Bio that will be blogged on the Playboy Tumblr very soon. They told me their network will be exposed to me, broadcasted to their 33,364 facebook people omfg. Then in October a projected Raymi boom might hit when I get blasted on Cosmo TV’s network a friend/colleague said is a super good network so I am on pins a little bit. You think all kinds of funny things in this head space like I wonder if I get famous enough will Chadvil ahah Chavril I mean but I prefer Chadvil. I bet he has pain resolving Chadvil effects on Avril. I have to finish the thought, will we get invited to their wedding?! #GOAL. Tyler Stewart you better go too! It is our Canadian Nationalistic duties to. I will be caught up to you by the time they marry or break up.
My Aruba beach Caribbean sea collection. Yes I miss that place! I will tell Lois we should def go back in the fall I wonder if Victor will have his new palace rentals built by then for us. That’s Aruba money too I wish I kept more of it I dumped a huge handful of coins in my mom’s hands at the airport when I was desperate for a pop after my Academy Award winning diva tearsplosion when we were informed we might not get on our plane of the ghetto airline that seems like it flies once a day, Lois thought I was faking it. Oh no way man I was ready to leave that island I missed Steve like a mental patient misses freedom. Anyway mom I want my coins back. If you sit on this smoking nook you get to play with my coral.
Sorry my face looks like a diamond? Not sorry? What? I need to make more money so I can hire someone to do my blogging for me or do the other stuff I don’t want to do so that I can focus 100% on blogging, there is just too much to do and I am too easily distracted thanks to social media and email volume, tumblr, playboy, lifeing it up, events, acute hangovers. Maybe I will just drink less there’s an idea bozo. Okay we will be boring starting tonight. Promise. Save for an opportunity to rip it up with an A-List celeb, no drinky tonight heard it here first. And many times before that too.
One of my internet besties painted this of/for me, I have awesome Little Raymis I truly do. One day we will meet and hang and maybe go to Burning Man together, go check Liz‘s blog she is amazing and in to thparkles and rainbows and hoola hooping and crafts and has a handsome tattoo’d husband and she blogs her entire life hardcore like I do, she’s a sister for sure! Also please tell her to get the fuck on twitter already so I can insert her in to my network and increase my following and while you’re at it Little Raymis please stalk to me on twitter too, get in before I turn in to even more of a minor cewebrity. “Just saying”. I am also in a race with Crystal Head vodka to get to 4000 REAL followers asap. Or maybe I should just buy some like everybody else? Yeah right, that’s desperation.
Raymi is real, in fact, so real, that maybe, Raymisrael! That’s for all my Jewish fans you’re welcome.
Some more of what I accomplished yesterday. Steve is in love with his bag so much SO MUCH and a guy on the street stared at it when I had it on my back at the lights of King and Bathurst. He became positively mortified by his own stupid bag and I recognized the look of influenced all over. his. face. Do you like my gay fashion writer bougy persona? Me either. I hate being mean. It’s just that I felt like a straight baller with that hot doctor Miami Nu Vintage bag slung over my shoulder. Now lets go play nurse. I love Tarek, he’s just like “Do whatever, you’re good organic.” about my bloggy it girl style. Thank you so much by the way Tar-Tar (which I ate last night because I am fah-bulous) I think the Holiday purse for Madonna is a fantastic idea. Of course I sang-songed it “hol-i-day-ay!” you know I did.
CONGRATITUDE! Raymism of the Day.
More productivity from yesterday.
The cork one, I let Jules pour the thparkles in and I let her choose which skull to put them in too I am a nice friend. Killed lighters get chucked in here too.
I threw green silver and red all together in the junk one sorry if you had your eye on that one now my stuff is all covered in thparkles. The one nipple pasty that didn’t get away from me at my Tattoo performance last summer is contained within this skull, can you recall what pasties I was wearing that evening? Ooh Superfan Trivia (Craig, Saroox!) wow 9 likes and 7 dislikes FUCK YOU THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!AHAhaha LOL.
You can see a tentacle from a necklace that broke the tentacle in half, Mykel made it for me, it has blood painted on it too, rules right? Right. It is something out of Futurama. People who like Futurama are people to be friends with. I like Futurama. Case in point.
Are you ready for DATE NIGHT. Vesty on the lefty has an Irish accent. Good luck claiming that prize girls. Steve knows him from Cube. Steve knows everyone.
What is this my Mini Driver phase? People are liking this like cray on FB right meow. That necklace came from Zellers on a tank top I bought. They got fashions there ya heard me! I love cheap designer rip off gear, and a lot of it. My mom gets the family jeans from Zellers all the time she buys up multi-pairs cos of our skinny little legs. Finding pants for Hailey must be trying, she is so skeeners, model body for sure. How do I get her signed? Steve must know that too with all the models he canoodles with constantly (picture the boss from The Jetson’s blowing his top that is how I feel about Steve’s model hairstylist gigolo life sometimes, there you go) they musta got signed somewhere.
Weslodge is the new happening place. Its inspiration came from a picture in a magazine of a dude holding a glass of booze and then when the restaurant all came together they decked it out based on that. It is a saloon, it is breathtaking, it is lively and happening, if you are someone then you go there.
Here is why I am so hungover today. I grazed last night I guess or it wasn’t enough maybe if those guys with the lamb the table over that they offered to me followed through.. people who offer their food from other tables is bad dining etiquette but I would do it, it makes everyone so uncomfortable though, which is silly because food should be fun and I hate stuffy people so much.
It was also the last of the lamb shoulder and was the size of a small dinosaur.
I had a tobacco manhattan, the components of this drink amazes. The mixologist sat down with us and we talked pretentious drink talk and I was like oh that’s nice is a line-cook going to come over next, the guy with the mop too? lol ahaha that would be way less uncomfortable than a neighbouring table offering me food, funny how that is right? I love special viplease treatment we all know this so I don’t mind if your mother joins us. We cannot remember what Steve’s drink was because I talked so much probably.
Me and my stupendous ideas, Steve is so lucky look at me go.
Always remove one accessory before leaving the house (who said that famous fashion quote?) so I removed my nail polish.
Mixologist guy, knows Sandy my homie who is also a renowned mixologist, he showed me what her home bar looks like now I think my liver just cried. Explaining why industry people should get on to twitter is like talking to a stuffed animal sometimes. Fine, more room for me.
The Manhattan cherries are def mixologist-shazamed with, very delish. Mom is going to die when she sees I wrote the word Shazam on my blog. She is still trying to make shazam happen. Oh Tracey. No.
See isn’t this such a darling place. Steve asked if our son was going to look like that boy. Ahaha no I said our kid is not going to look like a tool.
Carrots, what! Black kale? Yep. Mystery spicy sauce I didn’t expect or notice and some kind of creamy stuff too. You bet this place was a foodie’s wet dream and everyone knows that Playboy bunnies eat carrots. #Fact.
Well, I guess I spoiled this dress’s wedding rehearsal dinner cherry. That’s fine, I’ll wear it again on Sunday then for his g-unit’s 60th anniversary he snuck in another family obligatory function on me what a sneakster. I don’t mind I’ll get to meet the whole team so that’s good. Do you think things are moving too fast? Do you think I care what you think? Ha.
Obviously this is what the bathroom sink looked like it is so obvious. I am going to start saying it’s so obvious after statements now like I am accusing everyone all the time I bet Arran will email me about how funny that idea is. Sometimes he sends me email notes about things he notices from my blog. I have a lot of people in my e-world I didn’t know if you knew that but I do, and some of them don’t like to leave comments publicly, they prefer to conspire secretively and that’s cool too I bet the majority is this way what with our Facebooks and shit we don’t really have to go hang out IRL with each other anymore we can just give virtual tours and be like here you go. Not all the time though but some of the time. Maybe if someone gives me an iphone I can get on instagram finally and then be a popular instagrammer.
Anyway I feel like “I nailed it” with this outfit.
So I cam-whored in the bathroom. New and good settings duh bro. Bougy. What do you think about that word, or people? The words THEY PAID TO BELONG came to mind when I scanned the room expertly and quickly with my minx-like vision. Not gonna lie. “Not gonna lie” is a Steve saying and I haven’t told him what I really think of it yet, uh oh!
I love this man more than anything in the entire world though actually we are destined for one another when we fight we instantly make up like the scene in The Notebook when she slaps him and then they hug kiss attack one another the second later. I don’t slap him though but I yell and he goes in to Vince persona (his best Italian friend) and we say beater all the time all kinds of Italianisms that’s what’s great about Canada you can impersonate every single ethnicity that there is you think you’re free America, you don’t know the beginning of the word freedom j/kkj/kj/k. Except for maybe Woody Harrelson, he seems to keep it pretty real. Every time I talk about Woody Harrelson I know Michael Hollett smiles it is our secret notable in the city handshake to one another. How cool am I now bro!
Anyway, when you fall in love the world starts spinning like a dizzying lit-up at night carousel, the one in Benjamin Button. Which was filmed in New Orleans, a place I know and love and will probably go to with Steve sometime. Love is like all those cliche whirlwind notions, a tornado of red rose petals and a lot of candle lit dinners a lot of wine (too much wine)(more wine please don’t stop) and everyone around you wants to puke, okay well everyone around me does because everybody hates me but everyone around Steve is so happy for him because he is the nicest guy in the world and soon you will see exactly how it is going to be like the parrot puking scene from Scary Movie I just laughed so hard visualizing it I am in tears right now oh shit ahahahahhahahah I have to get the video for you. Ugh find it yourself too hard.
Nails are getting long again. Look it’s like I am at your nana’s house with that glassware mmhmm howdy-doo.
Yes. This is a lovely room of death. Ave Ventura voice obvs. See how you don’t need to have real friends when you have a blog and a writing jones. I am happy I stopped myself from air quoting real friends.
I was instantly drunk and it made my hair go like that I guess.
When you are in love you get to do all kinds of stupid shit. I only did this so you could see my entire outfit which was very important at the time. I bet there is a technical term for photog anxiety, a fear of not getting “the shot”.
Elegantly wasted. I wrote that on the chalkboard at the central once and Aaron kept it up as tribute to me cos he liked it and that meant a lot to me.
When your teeth match your pearls it is time to start whitening them. I bet my trolls hate it when I beat them to the burn punch but at least they are still drinking my kool-aid. I asked Jesse what to wear all over my face if the makeup she gave me is for just under my eyes. She said nothing, well, a little bronzer. So I am pretty nakes-faced here.
That purse ah ma gad.
Oh cool more booze. This is the moment in time when your hero was a show off. In business in life shit always goes down at the bar, meaning, it is strategic to “play the game” all douchebags know that. How many events do you go to? And why do you do that then? I am just glad I blogged it first. Natch.
When we went home we watched The Dictator. Tried to, the bootleg dvd was skippy, like, choppy and then we had a lover’s quarrel and it was time for bed. I thought it was ironic that it skipped cos they say you support terrorism when you give pirate love but whatever it keeps us in free movies because every single one has been flawed lately and Steve keeps getting on the house copies so I get to see half of a kind of alright/don’t really care movie and it’s fun city. Sasha Baron Cohen is a comedic genius. Obviously I watch a lot of funny stuff as much as I can. Oh right that irony I was talking about, the movie was about a terroristy dictator guy sorry I fell out of the stupid tree today.
I will make this one my new FB profile photo I think. Also, FT I have to get ready for ma moms and the girls. Have a great Thursday! I’ll be editing this POS post from the balcony. Love ya!
Do you wanna see us two dorks in your resto? e-raymitheminxATgmail.com xoxo
TO BE CONTINUED…