fil had two choices
1. cid gets abused mangled fur skin ripped off punched to death all that
or
2. i get brutally gang-banged but am fine afterward
he thought fine meant COOL WITH IT so he chose option 1 i said DUDE fine means i survived that is all, it does not change the fact that it was brutally violent and traumatic and painful and disgusting.
so then he chose option 1. and said but he will find the guys who did that to cid and torture them for a loooong time before killing them.
then i had to choose between fil being gang-raped by THE CAST OF TOP MODEL or my dad’s cat rocky being ripped in half and other bad things.
!!!
so then this escalated to me saying FINE 1. I GET FUCKED BY EVERY SINGLE HOT GUY IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN AND YOU HAVE TO WATCH AND I HAVE TO ACT LIKE I REALLY ENJOY IT AND IF I DON’T THEN YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE or 2. CID IS BEAT UP AND STRANGLED DIPPED IN HOT OIL ALIVE THEN EATEN ALIVE AND YOU CAN HEAR HIS SAD MEWLING.
please ‘splain the amount of peroxide bottles in your blue box, hair-stripping party or bomb-making party?
Sabrina: i am trying to teach myself how to budget
that is my new thing
me: budget
ew
Sabrina: i have never done it
me: this is how i budget
spend all the money in my bank account until it runs out
Sabrina: i am the sort of person that spends as much as humanly possible until there is nothing left and then i am like a face with a BIG HUGE QUESTION MARK on it
hahahahahaha
me: then mooch some of my savings off fil
then next month do it some more
Sabrina: that is me
me: yep
Sabrina: and on that note I THINK THIS IS SUPER CUTE
me: i am not really a purse person
i see it as a thing to carry my junk around in not an accessory
Sabrina: i am the opposite
i like to have something in every color that i might possibly feel like
me: i would rather have a slammin outfit and carry around a garbage bag
Sabrina: i am using a seafoam green purse now
me: i dont like chicks who use the bag to compensate for their ridiculous garbage ensembles
Sabrina: haha
me: HI THIS BAG IS THE SIZE OF A MINI COOPER AND I AM DRESSED LIKE A LIBRARIAN
Sabrina: hahaha
but i do not dress like a librarian
me: in one word tell me what my fashion style is and i will say yours ok you can use more than one word, you are cavewoman roofies chic
Sabrina: hmm, you make androgyny femme
me: hmm yeah
Sabrina: like an outfit that could be interpreted one way on someone else always looks good as hell on you
me: androgynous cheap poser slob
Sabrina: hahaha
me: thanks!
dinner from sometime last week, diggin’ the fake grill marks on the chicken. i let fil eat the POtayTOES.
me: im putting up this totally embarrassing conversation
about budgeting
everyone is going to be on my ass about it now
whatever
Sabrina: fuck them.
me: yes
Sabrina: you can go ahead and boldface that for them
and just cause we’ve said it they will be bitchier and read more frequently and with more fervor HEY ASSHOLES THIS IS ME PULLING A JIM MORRISON AND YOU ARE FUCKING FALLING FOR IT–GOOD GOING LOSER-MINIONS.
me: maybe i should wait for them to leave a comment first?
Sabrina: haha
well, someone will be bitchy within the hour i bet
haha
me: yes
bitchy within the hour
haha
Sabrina: oh man, i already hve some new guy being bitchy on my blog
cause i changed the template back to what it used to be
and he was like YOU FORGOT YOUR LINK TO YOUR WISHLIST
“sorry asshole, i did not–i just changed the wording. shut the fuck up”
and he was like OH MY GOD YOU ARE A PSYCHO, THIS IS BORING
good. don’t come back. it turns out. i don’t fucking want you to show up and feel like you can say whatever you want.
me: i love when they say it is boring
Sabrina: I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE I AM 12 OR IN HAPPY GILMORE. “NO! YOU’RE BORING!”
me: “your blog is so boring i will be back tomorrow”
Sabrina: hahaha
probably
i usually memorize those people’s ip addresses
so i can be like LIAR. FUCKING LIAR.
me: i have a pretty long list
+++
wife swap is on tonite at 8 or 9? i need one of those mic headsets that are online like those computer/video games so i can talk to other people who are watching wife swap at the same time here are some of the things i would be saying:
OH SHIT
I WOULD PUNCH THAT GUY FOR SAYING THAT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA?
etc.
formidable stuff here, friends.
+++
