goofiest looking bags evs!

so i’ma hate on coach purses right now, three years ago you could easily substitute coach for louis vuitton, what’s next? you guys are fucking sheep. yesterday at the jays game in the john i saw a little girl stressing the FUCK OUT by the hand dryer over her mom’s bowling bag sized coach purse, something had spilled in it, the mother was by the sink standing guard over the contents of the purse wringing her wrists while her 7 year old daughter held up the inner lining to the dryer saying it’s finished and the mother looking over saying NO it isn’t. terrible. way to bestow your shitty priorities onto your daughter, owning “luxury” goods, coveting them, spilling juice all over the inside of them at a baseball game, demeaning yourself in the toilet and ruining your daughter’s good time because this stupid bag is the centre of your status symbol desperation universe. do you guys realize how stupid you look clutching these things and like you don’t have a handful of two season ago LVs in your closet you can’t use anymore cos that tacky pink is SO OVER, what a disgusting waste of money and for what? all you did was prove how much of a spineless fad following dickhead you can be. you sit around pining over a fucking purse for clowns! and you broke the bank too! and when you go out on the town you have to hold that baby so tight under your arm you get pit stains all over it, it’s on your mind the whole nite out, on everyone’s mind, cos your stress spreads. i don’t know what’s worse, the lot of you who put all focus into that stupid bag, or the ones who pose as if it isn’t your reason for existing you act all blase about it like oh yeah martin can you paw-ss me muh coooch purrrrrse.

so people are supposed to be envious of your 400 dollar purse because you made the moronic move in obtaining one? you know what else costs 400 dollars? A WASHING MACHINE! A WEEKEND GET AWAY! ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED A STARVING FAMILY FOR THREE MONTHS YOU STUPID SELFISH WASTE OF SPACE!

so thank you for inciting nothing but pure embarrassment on your behalf within me, that’s it, cos i know what you’re doing, i know all the careful deliberate thoughts and intentions of possessing one of those things, you pathetic poseur.

when you buy into frivolity you think you look like this:

when really, this is what you look like:

enjoy your life.