well it’s the least i could do

oh right the other nite after we walked out of the fox cos it was so slammed we went across to the regal (really guys, there is absolutely NOTHING regal about that joint)(and i know this cos one guy was StaRiNG at me over fil’s shoulder hard like i was the most regal thing in the world) so i go to the john to take a you-know-what, so ladies, you know when you gotta go but one mechanism down there doesn’t really get it so you’re pushing and then turns out you’re numbering 1-ing and number 2-ing at the same time (but the second one is dainty and rose-like of course) and this simultaneous action causes a jet stream effect with your wizz and it defies gravity and shoots over the brim all over the floor in front of you and at your feet, am i the only person this has happened to? is that talent or what? so anyway i’m looking down at this, well, puddle and think to myself “self, this is exactly the type of place where pee would be on the floor of their toilet and it would be understandable” but then i thought to myself “well, it’s the least i could do for them by sopping it up” and at the time i thought this was truly hysterical and that i should blog this, for you guys. incredible.

i should kill this blog.

*update: not ONLY did i think this was hysterical, i thought i was being really generous, so that was the seed what sprouted my giggle fit in the loo of the non-regalest bar in toronto with my piss all over the floor of.

me: did u read this post

Phil: no
wow i cant believe that you didn’t tell us when you came back

me: i started to
i was too buzzed to make it make sense
i was like guess what oh nevermind basically
it would not have come out anywhere close to eloquent
unlike this totally eloquent post that should win a literary award

Phil: oh totally
it was funny

a bunch of celebrities saying their favourite swear word.