here is me and craig halloween of 2002. craig is that big pile of hair and leaves and all this other junk. it was the first time i ever tried mushrooms. we were walking to this party and it wasn’t even halloween. it was two nites before. the big friday. anyway, all of a sudden i start laughing like a maniac and everything is funny and we get to this party and we are trying to all fit up the stairs because well, look at craig’s costume and then here is what noel’s costume was:
and we’re all fucked up and making all this retarded noise and i finally make my way into the main room where these people are sitting politely on the couch watching television and then i exclaim that they are all boring and left the room and then we hung out on the porch the entire time because we were so retarded and i smashed a beer bottle and this guy is standing in the glass in bare feet.
i lost the blunt too and said that i didn’t ever have it because i couldn’t remember craig giving it to me and i had it in one of those ridiculously annoying army pouches but i didn’t know it was there and then everyone said that i ruined halloween because of that missing blunt and i was screaming that i didn’t know where the fuck it was so they were piling on top of me going through all my pockets and couldn’t find it and i said SEE i told you i don’t fucking have it.
noel + craig in their retarded costumes of evil
and then about a month later when noel was in thailand craig and i were dirtbags and bored and drugless at my place in l’il italy and craig brings up the blunt story again and i am like whatever fuck off and he sees my army shit hanging off the back of my door and goes you know what raymi, i bet that blunt is in one of these pockets and so he opens one and THERE IT WAS and my eyes fell out of my head i was amazed and craig lunged at me like he was going to punch me he was so mad but then he was so happy because we had a big hash blunt the size of my arm to smoke.
it was such a gossip bomb having found it that craig had to call noel’s voicemail and leave a message immediately even though we knew he was in thailand.
julia was a vagina for halloween. she had a big hairy gorilla type suit and an oldschool life preserver on her front that was painted pinkish and it was incredible.
igor won a raymi banner off heroine girl‘s carnival of smut site. she emailed me and said that igor had 710 dollars and had won a banner from the auction and i wrote back going WHAT you made 710 dollars of real money off me!??!?!?!
then i realised it was pretend money and he busted his ass for the points. so you can go look at his banner that i drew with my eyes closed.
overheard the best and most nerdiest conversation ever yesterday at the comic book figurine collection store. it was just too much. this one lispy talking napoleon dynamite moon boots wearing guy was talking about how he has seventeen email addresses and he is writing a comic and then he said the 4th and 5th seasons of the simpsons were the best and bla bla i had to duck behind a shelf and cover my mouth and hide my eyes because they were bugging out from i can’t believe what i am hearingness and the store proprietor was egging the kid on more and more and we had to leave because i couldn’t take it anymore.
i’m not trying to be mean here (yes i am) and think that the conversations i have are superior and more fun to overhear though COME ON, who talks that way and is 100 per cent serious?
it was probably the best thing for novelty’s sake that i have experienced since that mullet-headed woman screaming about polish people saying her daughter was bad.
fuck.
today getting sandwiches i had to listen to the sandwich maker lady sing 80’s songs to all the old ladies in line with me who were digging it and there was nobody i could roll my eyes to.
excuse me everyone in this restaurant but do you realise how lame this is right now?
i was just wondering if i was the only person who knew about this.
have you seen the metallica doc. yet? it is 4 hours full of whiney bitchy tackiness and everyone sucks. lars sucks because he is lars. hetfeild sucks because he goes to russia for two weeks and shoots a bear for no reason and then goes to rehab for 6 months. their producer is a pushover. they have a rock band therapist who follows them around everywhere and gets paid 40 grand a month. anyway, ble ble metallica rules i know but still, seeing behind the scenes ruins everything. oh and it was also pretty boring. and the way they write their lyrics is just laughable.
before that we went to aimee/derek’s and played with derek’s cat and snake and it creeped me out. i took pictures.
i just bought underwear. my hair is retarded. band practise tonite. we threw rocks in the lake earlier and found a pair of jeans with flowers on them that belong to a little girl and it was peculiar. oh and we found a dead duck but half of its body was missing. i threw a snowball at fil’s crotch by accident and then he hit his head on this low-hanging porch. and i laughed.
i told fil we should go to the humane society and bring back a cat for my dad and for rocky and to just, you know, do that and fil said no.
and my dad would probably be pissed off about it.
though i like to think that everyone would love a new housefriend as much as i would right now and be the opposite of pissed off hopefully and then i could just keep bringing over animals, that would be neat.
fil said that rocky’s life would turn to shit if i brought another cat into his domain.
so i’ll have to get a dog then.
which would be completely retarded because i don’t know anything about dogs because i have never owned one before and then it will take over my entire life and then i will live in the hills the end.
so i started writing a fictional story and i kind of want to turn it into fantasy science fiction psychological thriller somehow but i don’t have the capacity to or the attention span to make something like that seem believeable or make enough sense and then i wouldn’t finish it and i would hate myself. i dunno.
receiving jamie‘s and matthew’s book has inspired me to just fucking write and print and publish for fucksakes.
so i have already written quite a bit but i did it all by hand because that is how i write best so now i have to transcribe it, ho hum.
it’s ridiculous how drinking has just wiped away my intelligence completely. mostly my memory. it feels like a whole bunch of big words, adjectives mostly, have just, disappeared from my brain.
and i am fine with it for a little while but then someone comes in the room and asks me how to spell casserole and i am not exactly sure how to spell it and so i spell it and i think that i am right but i also seriously doubt myself and think ok well there’s another word that won’t be in my story because i cannot spell it on the spot and feel confident enough with it just sitting there, waiting to be spell-checked and walking over to a dictionary is just not in the cards for me, so fuck that word altogether.
and yah, so i’m writing this thing and i am already getting pissed off all over the place because i think of various directions in which to take it and then i forget them and then i have to play with the cat or read a tabloid and check email.
anyway, we saw boogeyman yesterday and it was stupid because they tried really hard to make it trippy and spooky and it was basically a bunch of doors slamming and then when you finally see the boogeyman you’re like pffffffft because he is just, silly.
and there were a gaggle of fat trashy teenage girls talking and running around behind us the entire time and their stupid voices were echoing all over the theatre because it was empty and then on the way home fil said, “i wanted to cut those fat bitches.” and i said can i quote you on my blog and he said no but i am doing it anyway because it effectively captures the feeling i had also.
the whole way through i was thinking of what i would scream at those girls if i finally decided to and i was going to scream, “SHUT UP YOU LITTLE KIDS.” and so i thougt about it the whole time and i didn’t do it and then i saw them in the bathroom afterward and i thought that i could lecture them about being polite in movie theatres but then they would roll their eyes and i would get really fucking mad and then i would get mean and call them fat and white trash and ugly and make fun of their clothes and then we would have to run away to the parking lot and that would just be, immature.
too bad though.
i should have said the little kids line because that would hurt them a lot because when you are out at a movie theatre and a ‘tween, you want for people to think you are an adult and cool and older and so if i called them little kids they would want to just die.
that’s what i thought about during the movie and i know that i am right.
fil let me put make-up on him and i said go to the store and get us some pop we need an energy boost and so he was gonna go out and i said oh wait you have all that make-up on and he said oh right so he went and took the mascara off put is keeping the under-eye liner shit all smeary and he has a bunch of hair clips and bobby pins in his hair and so he is keeping that in as well.
now i don’t feel as pretty so i want to put on more make-up to the extreme and be all garish unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh today we pissed away the warmer weather and stayed indoors.
oh he just came back and he took off all the make-up.
