fucking hotmail.

i have two other accounts that i never check but there’s stuff in there from the beginning of time and hotmail bumped up my space and deleted everything.

hotmail is like yo, we reserved an account for you and deleted absolutely everything, even your contacts. you’re welcome by the way!

thanks shitbags.

waking up at 6am to pee and rehydrate and then trying to get back to sleep so wasn’t happening because i started thinking about blogging and stupid catch phrases and i was clenching my jaw and my ribs felt kicked in and the right side of my body hurt and so did my head so i tossed from side to side every five minutes until finally all the pains went away but i knew it would only be a temporary bout of relief like that part in scary movies where they think the guy is dead so they stand over his body because they are retarded bitches and the scary bad guy goes RUUUUHHAAAAAAAWRRR and grabs their leg and they shoot him in the face ten times and spit on him like this time you be dead for real yo!

being excited to fall back asleep again totally wakes your brain up and then seagulls start making seagull noises and you fantasize about going out on the roof and telling them to SHUT THE FUCK UP in their stupid faces.

how would you like me to go outside your window and make dump truck noises when you are trying to sleep?

that’s the burn you say to the garbageman.

insert will smith laughter – uh haooooow!

went to h&m yesterday and bought a bunch of crap and didn’t try it on because ten million 13 year olds were lining up for the changerooms so i tried it on in the car instead then went to spadina gardens to eat chinese people then met up with martin and val to talk about tattoos then rented the incredibles and i gave fil a sad bastard faux-hawk, though it’s a tame one. i was kinda wasted at the time and buzzed a couple chunks out of the back of his head and didn’t tell him but he’ll know once he reads this or when aimee tells him. you can barely notice anyway. if it looked too perfect he’d look too much of a flamer anyway.

me on the other hand, i hate my short bangs, i hate my yellow hair. i am thinking of cutting it all off special kid style. everytime i look in the mirror i scowl at myself and when i see other people with better haircuts i want to turn invisible and scream at the moon.

that’s all i got for now.

Raymi,

So, I just wanted to dump a bucket of affection over your head, cuz I’ve been reading your vampire bat tales pretty regularly for about a month now. They usually leave me smiling, guffawing, masturbating, welling with tears, or cleaning coffee off my monitor. You’re like the Patti Smith of the blogosphere. (Or maybe it’s the Debbie Harry… heck, I don’t know…)

It’s as though Patti Smith & Bill Hicks had a lovechild after one tempestuous weekend fling & said “what shall we call her?” And Bill suggested, “how about Punky?” And Patti replied, “no, that’s no good. Invokes images of that horrendous but loveable short-lived tv show from the eighties.” Then she thought about it while she went back to spackling the bathtub & it suddenly dawned on her. “I know, let’s call her Raymi!” And the Lord sneezed & a myth was born.

Maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that. But anyhow, you rock like none other. Thought you should know. Maybe you’ve heard it before.

Keep it up!

Rob

i must have cried eighty times last nite because i am a soap opera and i almost threw up but i didn’t.

i went out for a smoke at one point and asked this wannabe hipster for a light and i thanked him afterward and he went, MMHMMM.

riiiiight, so you’re cool man hero pants because your hair is shaped like a tidal wave and you are wearing your grandpa’s blazer and jeans.

look out town, epitome of coolness over here.

in other news i think i undercooked a sausage ‘cos i immediately had awful stomache pains and then i crapped like i crapped in mexico like everything from inside my body and at the speed of light. anyway i am fine now.

i like telling you my stories.

we had sushi last nite and then flew to the supermarket and beer store and made it back in time to watch survivor. it was kind of a boring episode. not enough fighting. i like how the gay guy hates everybody and how he is really good at being gay.

ok i’m gonna go darn some socks now.

i look like an albino with this hair.

i have moody birthday blues.

i just took a birthday number 2.

the thunder made the cat afraid.

sometimes those tiny trees near highway off-ramps look like those tiny monk guys in robes from star wars and i think oh look some person is standing real still by the highway.

oprah better be good today.

last nite i dreamt i was working again in the hardware store except it was new and improved and these kids i knew from elementary school were stealing a bunch of bed posts and tubes of whatever and shoving it all down their pants and i was like HEY EXCUSE ME and all the stuff fell out of their pants and the manager came over and to this one guy i said hey man i knew you from school why you gotta ‘dis me like that? and my manager was like good job.

later on i was in a house of this family’s and i was peeing in their upstairs master bedroom bathroom and i was pissing all over the side of the toilet because it was weird and high and i was standing up over it for some reason and the woman walks in and i shouted HELP I JUST CAN’T STOP PEEING so she threw her husband’s sweatshirt under me and i peed on it and then a tiny bat flew into the room and hit me in the forehead and i took a stuffed animal and beat it to death.