jack wrote this song about me when we first began courting when i was 17. here it is.

minyx soup.

the cat is utterly obsessed with me today and i just figured out why. it’s cos of the white hoodie i am wearing. i look like a big cozy white fluffball to him and in his mind he is like I HAVE TO SIT ON THAT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I GO MENTALLY INSANE!!!!

i literally have thrown him off me at least 50 times so far.

thought you might like to know.

people who sit near me when i am playing megatouch after awhile they think i am deaf and tend to pour their hearts out to each other and they’re like whatever that robot over there isn’t listening but that’s where they’re fuckin’ wrong.

i am ALWAYS listening.

sometimes i pretend i am still playing just so i can listen more.

last nite a big-boobied girl and a skinny guy (if you know who i am talking about please for the love of fuck don’t rat me out. AGAIN.) were chatting, well, big boobies was doing most of the talking and skinny guy was just sitting there staring at her tits and she didn’t even notice cos she was in love with talking and i am not hating on her for that, i love talking when i am wasted, i love the sound of my own voice and especially every single one of my opinions. BRILLIANT I AM!

anyway i got to thinking about how her tits are insanely massive and how skinny and little that guy was like how come skinny dudes go for chicks bigger than they are, is it a mommy thing? it must be. i know that i personally have a thing for the bigger bitches, not to say i don’t like skinny girls but seriously when i see a chick who isn’t 100 lbs i think of diving onto her and… anyway, i guess i’m just a skinny guy at heart.

i knew that guy was thinking fuck what i wouldn’t give to just rest my face between those things cos i was thinking the same thing.

i should put a pervy post disclaimer before i write shit like this in the future eh?

Minx, an impudent cunning or boldly flirtatious girl

Cheers, Chris

LOOK AT MY FUCKIN’ ASS!

thanks a lot ghetto tanning bed. “express” my ass!

i called the liquor store to see when they closed and i disguised my voice in case the lady i spoke to earlier answered, i think it was her. they close at 6 on tuesdays and it was ten to when i called so i was like fuck it FINE I’LL DRINK BEER INSTEAD RAAAAAAAAAAWH! and hung up.

and if you must know today’s shitty movie is spanglish and so far i HATE tea leoni’s character.

also showed the apartment to a couple people today. i feel so awkward having to do this cos i don’t know what to say. i opened the door to the bedroom and exclaimed, “yep, that’s a king size bed.” although the guy didn’t even ask about it and obviously it’s king sized cos it takes up the entire fucking room.

sometimes i am just too embarrassing to live.

though my heart is in the right place cos i was getting at the fact that if one wanted to it would be possible to fit a king size bed in there.

i was even playing lucille star in the background cos i wanted to look productive and intelligent or something.

the landlord’s assistant called me ma’am and barely speaks english.

oh yeh i went for a tan today also and the woman said so uhh, what kind of bed would you like and i paused and said well, i am kinda tan on my body though you can’t see it on my face cos of all this make-up and she cut me off and said I CAN SEE THAT.

whatever, leatherface.

i think i ordered the fat face.

i just tried to buy some margarita coolers from the liquor store but i got carded and i didn’t have any id on me and i was like listen lady i’m here so often i could be a shelf, i just went to get new passport photos do you want to see one? she said yes and then still said no to letting me buy the hooch cos passport photos prove nothing. then why did you bother letting me show you my photos?

oh cos i wanted to see how they turned out for you.

fffffeck off.

fucking hell i woke up at quarter to 5 and couldn’t get back to sleep ’til 8. i blame it on the rain. milli vanilli knew what they were lip-synching about. word. the sound of that shit hitting the gutters and tinkling in the alleys outside the window makes me MENTALLY INSANE! it sounds like some faggot tapping on galvanized garbage cans with chopsticks and he’s all this is my accurate depiction of the sound of rain and i’m all this is my accurate depiction of strangling you!

so i had a cigarette around 8 and passed out.

i wish i was smart enough to smoke cigarettes when i was a kid, for insomnia i mean and especially on christmas eve. i’d lie awake in bed for hours just praying to fall asleep so i could wake up faster and open presents, nite just dragged on and on and on but if i went down in my stupid kid nightgown and was all what’s up mom and dad i’m just gonna have a smoke and hit the hay then i’d pass out like that!

layta dudes!