be hyperly unaware of how fucking amazing and mysterious you are
merkley??? says:
carry a flask
raymi says:
and a knife tucked into your sock like a steak knife
merkley??? says:
have blood stains on at least one article of clothing
raymi says:
carry oranges
merkley??? says:
wear a belt made out of living snakes
raymi says:
ok lets think of for real coolness tips not irony fuckin retard tips
merkley??? says:
tip number one
raymi says:
hi-top sneakers and jogging pants
raymi says:
have some sort of albino housepet
raymi says:
quote your grandfather regularly
merkley??? says:
when conversing with people be SUPER engaged — but make the conversation short and carry on to the next person with whom you will be SUPER engaged for 5 minutes TOPS
merkley??? says:
like — you have my FULL atention for 5 minutes
raymi says:
make abstract observations about your surroundings
merkley??? says:
I’M BUSY
merkley??? says:
but then retreat into a corner and write things down
raymi says:
then leave
raymi says:
fall down the stairs with a full beer in your hand
merkley??? says:
if you return be wearing something different
raymi says:
and like three germans at your side who dont speak english
merkley??? says:
only apologize for apologizing and being awesome
raymi says:
have a knit sweater with your name stitched on it
merkley??? says:
have your own name tattooed in a heart on your arm
raymi says:
if someone says they are hungry go get them a bag of chips out of nowhere
raymi says:
but then eat the entire bag in front of them
merkley??? says:
and toss them without looking
raymi says:
tossing them without looking is funnier
merkley??? says:
make them hold the bag while you eat them
raymi says:
they have to be an insanely obnoxious flavor also like fries and gravy
merkley??? says:
get lots of texts but show that you dont actually look at them before turning off your ringer
merkley??? says:
order well whiskey straight up
merkley??? says:
put in your own ice cubes
raymi says:
thats pretty extreme
raymi says:
like have your own soft tub of ice cubes?
raymi says:
hold it like a football
merkley??? says:
no just order ice separately
merkley??? says:
you cant hold stuff when you’re cool
merkley??? says:
only drinks
merkley??? says:
even then
merkley??? says:
you should place it on the bar like its a burden
raymi says:
hold a big plant
merkley??? says:
write notes on peices of paper and bury them or hide them
ok so we were playing the compliment game where we take turns complimenting ourselves using the alphabet and then that turned into the ‘dis game once we both got a chance to compliment ourselves using every letter of the alphabet. when i had ‘g’ for the ‘dis game i said I HAVE GHONNOREA then i said what if i really had ghonnorea and this is the way i chose to tell you and then fil said I AM GAY for his ‘g’ dis and i said ARE YOU REEEEALLY!? by the way fil isn’t homophobic he meant gay like really uncool.
then that woman fell off her chair and busted her hand.
later on i spent a good twenty minutes crying and trying to fight with fil, i am nice like that.
yesterday at the supermarket i asked the woman cashier if that old man from last week got his satchel back cos someone took off with his cart and his satchel? was in it and she was like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? and i said please i don’t have any friends be nice to me.
i dreamt i got turned down by liam gallagher for sex in a bar and i thought it was because of my winter hat but no it was because of my hair and i was like I WILL NOT FORGET THIS LIAM!
last nite we went to the hyatt bar and i tried to look as important as i could. the woman beside us at the bar ordered a caesar salad without the dressing soooo like, a salad then? idiot. then we went to hemingway’s and a woman fell off her chair and broke her hand. then we went to somewhere else and after that i tried to go play megatouch but it was last call and the girl said aww i’m sorry girl i know you wanted to play your game and i felt STUPID.
“your game”
like i am some pathetic nerd loser with zero friends. ok i AM a pathetic nerd loser but she isn’t suppose to think that!
