i started making one of those amazon wishlists but i got bored of looking for stuff that i want after 5 minutes and then i went over all the stuff i picked out which was like 5 items and thought i don’t even want this crap and i don’t expect anyone to buy it for me either so i’ll have this pathetic please buy me something link on my site and then everyone can pick through my pathetic taste in clothes and hello kitty junk, fuck that.
today i saw a kid whip a chili bean burrito at his friend’s windshield and then the friend got out of his car and dumped his can of coke all over the first kid’s car.
2. feel opinions matter, must share them DAILY and also to zing loser friends in comments section and totally assault and gang up on one unfortunate loser who dares to disagree with a certain post
3. feel they are VERY funny most often are not (except for me)
4. esteem themselves to be very attractive
5. have MAD HTML SKILLS boiiii!
6. links and photos they come across are revolutionary NOT EVER BEEN DONE BEFORE NEVER EVER!
7. oh crap they are SO. fucking. CONTROVERSIAL!!!! I NEVER once EVER thought to say/do that sick yo! totally SICK!
8. tastes in music far superior to that of the rest of the world’s and very up-to-the-minute and detailed and reviews of albums and concerts they go to SO BRILLIANT I LOVE HEARING ABOUT SXSW TELL ME MORE!!!!! OH COACHELLA *DROOL*SWOON*_OMG_ – ps. coachella is SO NOT the burning man of music festivals i SWEAR!
9. you like lindsay lohan!? I LIKE LINDSAY LOHAN you found a new nipple photo? forward that to my email now yo! ok i’ll send it but you HAVE TO CREDIT ME DUDE COS EVERYONE FUCKING CARES TO KNOW WHERE YOU FOUND THIS PICTURE YOU GOT IT FROM ME!
10. their parents read their blog and now is chance to show ma and pa how truly amazing and cool and not a loser they are.
i’m working on two paintings right now. i painted the backgrounds last nite. i painted over a drawing of a banana on this tiny canvas all these globs of maroon and gold and this other larger canvas i had drawn something totally juvenile and i was planning to give it to fil’s mom for her birthday once but it was pretty stupid so i didn’t do anything with it. it was of a girl and cat and all these pink circles behind them it was pretty bad so to ensure i wouldn’t give it away i made the cat say that he had cat aids. later today i’m gonna add some japanaese looking nonsense cartoons or something to them. should be amazing.
last nite i gave cid some left over ribs and he went mental so i gave him more. ran out of wet food and he looked at me when i was all here have kibble and was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? so as we were watching waiting… (great movie, v. funny) cid was spazzing out being chased by the invisible I JUST ATE RIBS monster and going feral wild cuckoo i love it.
the way cats spaz out compared to how dogs do it is just great cos dogs are too stupid to be crazy when they go retarded. it’s like aw look that dog is trying to eat himself but when cats do it it’s like WOW THAT CAT IS ‘TARDED! you know how they run into the room super fast and skid across the floor and then pause and look up at nothing and their ears are pointed and their body all tense and they growl i know me talking about this is like discussing how i know how to use a hair dryer but whatever one day i’ll properly describe how cats are insane.
i am so sick of being sick especially now that it’s spring-a-ling. ok FINE! FINE i will have a hoarse voice FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE fiiiiNE!
one cool thing is all these new weirdos i have never seen before hanging in the park well not hanging from trees that would be disturbing but just like sitting by themself on a bench for a half hour, sitting. what is this prospect park? (park slope joke).
right now tai chi woman is there. she shows up after the insane work-out guy leaves who by now must have bad-ass abdominal muscles. her “work-out” routine is quite strange but hey it’s more than i am doing. everytime i take her picture she gets this tai-chi someone-is-taking-my-picture vibe and leaves immediately.
oh wait i don’t think that was her at all it was just some guy trying to look like her. you know that guy from the bodyguard who is stalking whitney houston the one with the blond curly hair and he has a locker shrine devoted to her, that’s him. wow i can’t believe a famous guy was walking around my park!
i’m sorry for being a crab. every year my birthday always ends up gay except for the party i had when i was in senior kindergarden THAT WAS AWESOME! there’s even footage of it one day i will dvd that shit. anyway i read more of my fantasy book in the bath and felt pretty sorry for myself ok no i didn’t well maybe a little. then i went windex mental in the bathroom.
last nite i convinced pitt to come out for karaoke and whiskey it was pretty retarded. i sang so whatcha want for the millionth time cos one guy who works there LOVES it when i do and there were 40 spanish minors there sitting in the front not understanding one fucking word i was screaming into the mic and giving my dance moves cut-eye.
then i ate two spicy beef patties and had hiccups for half an hour and pitt talked to these security rent-a-cops more like loud drunkenly screamed greetings at them from across the street. oh he also gave some random guy the twenty bucks fil and then i had to force on him for drinks and told the guy to get us a round and keep the change. ungh.
i am sad and emotional like different sad and emotional today from the regular sad and emotional that i always am cos all of my friends and boyfriend are not helping me decide where to have my party i am receiving ZERO emails about it and why the hell should i go to all this trouble alone to plan my birthday FOR THEM TO HAVE FUN if you are my friend and you are reading this YES I MEAN YOU ARE THE ONE NOT HELPING ME.
i can’t believe you are not even planning me a surprise party either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so this is pretty much what is going to happen on my birthday i am going to go somewhere intimate with fil and cry and talk about how all of my friends are assholes every single one!
the only thing that needs to be decided is where to have it and no one is stepping up to the plate NO ONE and i do not want to be the one to make this decision, i decided on the last two blog parties i made the fone calls I ME MEM ME ME it’s my birthday and i don’t want to fucking do it!
we rented DE – casted jennifer aniston cos brad dumped her and wanted to capitalize on her current popularity despite her being the worst fucking movie actress ever – RAILED last nite.
so here we go.
clive owen magically regains his british accent less than halfway through the film. he doesn’t fight back not even once to the french villain guy despite being ten bajillion times bigger and stronger-looking – HELLO KING ARTHUR?!
his daughter has diabetes you learn immediately in the film making you think oh ok she is going to be a hostage and desperately need insulin but no nothing bad happens to her not once WHAT THE FUCK!?
the wife doesn’t question clive owen’s sneaky late nite all of a sudden hittin’ the booze coming home super late behaviour NOT FUCKING ONCE!
exhibit is a fucking douche waste of space of an actor, he plays the sidekick of the french bad guy.
they introduce this detective guy more than 3/4 the way through the film YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT ASSHOLES and also he pretty much gets the last line in the movie and it was I GUESS THE LAW DIDN’T CARE MUCH FOR WINSTON something like that FUCK YOU!
the dialogue was a piece of shit the acting was terrible but still i enjoyed it all! thank you champagne!
