1. jake gylenahalala grows the most obnoxiously annoying moustache 2/3 they way thru the movie and it makes you want to punch yourself in the eyes
2. you cannot understand one fucking word the blond guy is saying and you pretty much go the entire movie without knowing what his name is
3. blond guy’s wife somehow is magically able to suppress her knowledge of his gayness for many years without snapping or letting him know she knows. i would’ve been all PEACE HERE’S THE KIDS YOU LYING HOMO ten seconds into finding out
4. anne hathaway’s nipples are nowhere near as dinnerplatey as i thought they were going to be and she inevitably has platinum hair and black eyebrows EW
5. when the movie starts you are TOTALLY FUCKING BORED and when it is over you are TOTALLY FUCKING DEPRESSED and then you can’t get that guitar theme music out of your head for HOURS
6. randy quaid is in it and he is fat
7. i rate this movie 5/10 – after all this time and all the big deals made over it on CNN and it was totally fucking gay not only literally but like, BOOORING, holy crap i was expecting fireworks and crazy CRAZY CRAAAAZY FUN GAY HOT SEX but jeez, WTF!?
8. michelle williams i think that’s her name looks like an elf
9. anne hathaway has cocksucker lips
10. tonite we watch havoc where anne hathaway gets nude and has a total potty mouth NICE!
worst fucking sleep ever hi welcome to an evening of RACING THOUGHTS brought to you by SOBRIETY. now let’s think of every good and bad thing that has ever happened to us since the beginning of time for the next FIVE HOURS and THEN we can think of things that NEVER HAPPENED and MAKE UP SCENARIOS like they DID HAPPEN.
AMAZING!
wait what it’s 3 am? WHO CARES THIS IS SOOO MUCH FUUUUN!
now here’s the clincher NOW we are going to think of zingers and also go back through everything we just thought about and revamp it for our totally radical and very important BLOG because it is the centre of our universe and everything we say is fantastic!
and then we will think about things to say to piss off mass quantities of people in one go ok ready?
ABORTION IS AMAZING!
EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 19 SHOULD SHUT UP AND LIVE IN CLOSETS!
IS IT JUST ME OR IS YOUR DAD KIND OF FAGGY?
I WROTE A SONG CALLED TRASH GARBAGE UGLY SLUTS AND IT’S ABOUT YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY! YOU’RE WELCOME!
I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MUSIC BECAUSE I DON’T REALLY FEEL THAT IT’S RELEVANT.
EVERYONE WHO SMOKES WEED WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR SISTER!
YOUR MOM DRIVES A BUS!
THAT THING YOU DO NOW I DID IT BEFORE YOU FOUR YEARS AGO AND TEN TIMES BETTER!
i had much better ones last nite but you get the idea.
today it is all about catch-up and this week is all about not drinking myself into outerspace. i am going to re-screen a screen because fil is a girl and i have 5 years of hardware and repair experience gee i wonder why i am part lesbo?
then we are going to mail off my painting that fil was suppose to take care of while i was away but didn’t and then i have to put all the dishes away that were also not taken care of while i was away and fil will rollerblade and i will longboard and fil will make comments the entire time about how much faster he is going than me and i will be saying YOU FUCKER THIS IS A LONGBOARD NOT ROCKET POWER ROLLERBLADES and little children will be afraid.
i will also most likely destroy several pairs of pants and turn them into shorts that i will end up never wearing and then they will go in the garbage. FUN.
i was just about to draw a funny little cartoon of me complaining about today’s heat and make it all charming and cool and whatever but this machine is so goddamn ancient, it can’t keep up with adobe photoshop. it made my “art” crappier than usual, and i bet you thought that wasn’t possible.
so we rented Clerks last nite so i could finally see it YES i never saw it before and now i have three words for you: BORING AS HELL. good thing lindsay lohan was on SNL bad thing pearl jam was the musical guest.
so clerks cult groupies before your heads explode yes i am aware that at the time it came out there was nothing out like it so i guess maybe it was refreshing but still maybe there was nothing out like it FOR A REASON. kevin smith why weren’t you able to make the characters in this movie have their own personalities? do you realise that a blue collar guy would never speak the way he was speaking? do you think that being silent in your crappy movie the entire time is an effective gimmick and worth carrying over into other films? ARE YOU A BIG FAT EGOMANIAC WHO WOULD SUCK YOUR OWN DICK IF YOU COULD BECAUSE YOU LOVE YOU SO MUCH?
