ok so i’m thinking my golden 4 in the morning comedy material is not so much golden so i won’t hoard it anymore and i realise that what was meant to be me drunk yelling saying this stuff would make more sense rather than you reading it on my blog, anyway, feel free to leave comedy tips in my comments/email.
so yeh i seriously was going to hit it off with spider commentary, and be like PS. DADDY LONG LEGS WITH YOUR MINI POTATO SHAPED EVERYTHING AND RETARDEDLY POINTLESS LONG LEGS WTF!? then i realised that it wasn’t funny nor did it make sense because then someone would’ve heckled OH YEAH WELL THEIR LEGS ARE LIKE THAT FOR SURVIVAL AND OTHER SCIENTIFIC SHIT then i would turn into rage drunklor and well, you know the rest.
then i was going to make fun of fil’s friend’s parents and this eating tour party thing they were blabbing about where you start eating late afternoon and it goes ’til like 5 in the morning and everyone brings an elaborate course. excuse me? 1. you are both FAT 2. is it really like you will totally lose your fucking mind if you don’t eat something during the five minutes spent waiting for the following meal?! then i was going to harp on their son’s fiancee and her brother but then i realised this would be funny to only ONE person, me.
oh yeah then i was gonna talk about shoulder cats, you know, cats, WITH SHOULDERS!
yesterday a girl in a white van with writing on it, wearing sunglasses, went RAAAAAAAYMI when it went by me and fil on bloor – i thought it could’ve been sharpie, not sure. who was that? tell me NOW! cos i waved back like a huge retard like i knew who you were and now i feel stupid.
we rented 16 blocks last nite, it’s pretty good, stressful and sort of long. i recommend it.
what’s the deal with bathrooms sans fan? moreover why do people INSIST to hold a town meeting outside the door of the sans fan bathroom i am using EVERYTIME? not saying we have a fan but like, the bathroom is far enough away from the common area so one is permitted to drop ass bombs without fear.
there’s nothing more uncomfortable than backing yourself up an entire weekend because people simply refuse to install a fan so next time i am bring a ghetto blaster.
you can’t even do the running water trick, cos everyone knows what’s really up like oh the water has been running five solid minutes now duh derrr dooo.
i swear the second my butt hit the toilet at my dad’s yesterday it was like, the most creative i have been in a very long time, if you know what i mean, if you don’t then i will send you a code detector ring what?
so i couldn’t sleep saturday nite, toss and turn still drunk type shit and this time instead of rehashing i should have stabbed her moments, i put together some material, comedy gold, if you will. i plan to do stand-up of sorts and it will SLAY.
my fist thing will be to talk about spiders and i will be like HEY SPIDERS WHAT’S THE DEEEEAL!? PS. I’M TOTALLY FUCKING AFRAID OF YOU THANKS.
see? gold!
a good three minutes will be given to the making fun of arts&crafts musicians and it will be at THE DRAKE NO LESS, career suicide? brilliant. it’d be like me being that jewish pianist guy hiding out on the german’s side of the wall, RIGHT UNDER THEIR FUCKING NOSES FULLY INTERRUPT IF YOU KNOW A BETTER ‘DIS.
it’s ok even i don’t know what i’m saying anymore.
