ok so the first wedding we are going to is very important because it’s the wedding of that chick who called me a try-hard the first day we met and she is marrying one of fil’s childhood chums and he is in the wedding party and i don’t even get to sit with him anyway she calls me a try-hard basically the first day we met and when i asked if i was invited to the stag she said ARE YOU GOING TO BE THE STRIPPER in front of fil’s friend’s parents and grandparents during the 5 course meal that SHE was preparing for us all now i’m not an expert in the WHO IS A REAL TRY-HARD department oh wait YES I AM.

anyway YOU FUCK WITH ME AND I WILL SHOW UP TO YOUR OUTDOOR WEDDING IN A DRESS THAT LOOKS ALMOST WHITE AND JET BLACK HAIR AND THE HIGHEST FUCKING HEELS IN THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTIME YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LOOKS AT ME FLUFFY PINK HAPPINESS CLOUDS PART THE BEAUTIFUL BLUE SKIES AND ALL THE LITTLE ANIMALS OF THE FOREST REST ON MY SHOULDERS AND SNOW WHITE AND CINDERELLA TAKE ME AWAY IN A CARE BEAR CAR ETC AND SO ON AND YOU WILL CRY YOUR HEAD OFF.

congratulations.

wow i guess i just can’t let this go.

it’s not even that i can’t let her comments go, this chick just straight-up SUCKS, we saw her about a month ago and yep STILL SUCKS. she tried to make convo with me and i gave her cold shoulder all weekend long because THAT’S WHAT AWESOME PEOPLE DO.

scary wolf

is my lover

i am white

no you aren’t

blur – to the end

some oldschool emo and by the way i have a hand drawn damon albarn drawing and you don’t so fuck off.

WATCH MY VIDEOS YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHITS! thank you.

so to celebrate my new hair i of course had to dress like the biggest whorejob ever last nite – push up leopard print bra sticking out of that dress i’m wearing and brown checkered knee socks and wedges and black hair and a lot of makeup and then i sang karaoke and did stripper moves on the mic stand whilst singing take me out.

i will NOt be going back to that pub for another three months AT LEAST.

Patrick:

i thought your post was real
so you can hack on me now instead of later

me:

which one
my poem?
havent checked comments yet

Patrick:

no the dead uncle one
i wrote you an email saying if you needed to cancel we could

me:

oh my god u got dead uncle out of that??
nice interpretting

Patrick:

dead uncle
grandpa
whatevera

me:

oh my god
i mean

Patrick:

shaddup

me:

u interpretted death

Patrick:

look

me:

u are SO EMO

Patrick:

at 1st i thought it was a joke

me:

SO EMO

Patrick:

and then i noticed

me: EMO

Patrick:

there were no comments

me:

are u crying right now too

Patrick:

so maybe it was the real thing and you were at a funeral
fuck off

me:

thats cos they hadnt been moderated
are u mad

Patrick:

no

me:

ok
EMO

Patrick:

how does that make me emo

me:

i dunno
just does

Patrick:

all i wrote was if you can’t make it to the game i understand
the **** isnt all that matters

me:

only emo people understand

Patrick:

so how is that emo
fuck you

me:

HHSHAHAHAAHAAAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Patrick:

SHADDUP!!
i’m writing a poem

me:

HAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

about crying?

OH SWEET MERCIFUL WOE
SOMETIMES YOU COME
SOMETIMES YOU GO

alienate my alienation of the putrification of our struggling nation (hahaa)

ohohfhjgf hahahaha

this is hard

hard OH HARDNESS OF HARD
WHY DIDN’T I MAIL MY UNCLE THAT CARD

my moods they doth sway
swaying gently in the hay
though the hay be not of gold but of dark shadows on the plane
and the winds they are BITTER and they are full of STINGERS

fuck i forgot how hard it is to be unjustifiably emotional i want to punch myself

look who dropped in CAPTAIN EMO!

Patrick:

nice dress

me: it is the essence of my life

Patrick:

that and oxygen
good call
well i couldn’t convince outlaw of pony rides at the wedding
but we got a martini bar
so two bars all night long

me:

ooooooooooooooooooh
open bar?

Patrick:

you have to ask?
of course
you will not leave hungry or sober

me:

nice
i want to bust out of the dress like the seams and zippers splode
then i can sue your wedding

Patrick:

you can do that?

me:

we’ll see

Patrick:

no i mean sue my wedding?

me:

and i mean WE’LL SEE

because i don’t trust myself to take a picture of the dress right now cos i have dye all over my head here is a picture where the red scribbles represent tiny perfume bottles and confetti and other super girly gay shit please don’t be surprised if i 1. marry this dress and 2. this blog turns into a tribute to my new dress blog also 3. maybe i should buy another dress i mean the same dress but x2 so one dress is for important grown-up functions and the other one is for being wasted at 3am sitting on a curb wearing busted flip flops and crying.