holy fuck i go out for a few hours and come home to this and then i sent it to everyone on my gchat and they are all yeah we knew that an hour ago pfft.
how tragic depressing and disturbing. i had this funny little my day out post to write but i would feel like a cad if i did that now too bad it was cute.
FINE i bought a new shirt from american apparel and i asked the sales girl how it looked on me and if the colour was ok and she was like meh where are you going to wear it out just anywhere? and then i got in my head that she was imagining me wearing it somewhere cool and how stupid everyone thought i looked ok SEE how dumb that is compared to anna nicole smith’s death!?
i get interviewed all the time right cos i’m insightful and other things so here is some blog filler and if you are a highschooler doing a report on blogging, you can copy my answers and make them your own, i mean, what is the internet for if not for stealing?
how effervescent or durable is the process [blogging]? how effervescent or durable is the fame?
you are using some ridiculous words here this is a joke right? is anything in life durable, or permanent? i’d like to think i’m establishing something with all this work i put into my blog, laying the foundation, i dunno, something like it, something so i won’t have to always explain myself to people who do not blog or read them, cos a blog isn’t concrete, is it, so it can be difficult to convey to people what the draw is, what my deal is. when you say oh i won some blog awards to them it’s like i was mentioned in the yearbook as funniest girl, it’s something, but mostly nothing. the concensus i find is that blogging is frivolous and not worth the time, which i completely disagree with. this thought typically comes out of the mouths of those inept, lacking in creativity and originality type people. seeing you create makes them feel lazy about themselves or sad that they didn’t end up doing the one thing they set out to do in life, so they project their insecurities about that onto you. i know i’m going off mark here, but this is how i feel about it, from a personal standpoint, people have told me, family even, that i just have to fucking deal with it that i am never going to be famous or whatever so i should just suck it up and do something else. i have a lot of anger still about that, a lot of fuck yous to be handed out in the future, basically.
the worst thing about being a blogger: is it the shameless self-promotion? (that’s what my brother says.)
well your brother isn’t very smart cos WORST and SHAMELESS are oxymorons, aren’t they? there is nothing bad about shamelessness, why waste time feeling shame, i don’t understand. i like to think that i have a unique style to my self-promoting ways, that my fuck you pay attention buy into me is funny haha, and at the end of the day if people aren’t they can tell me to fuck off, it’s not going to hold me back. blogs are self-promoting cos they originated as and still are journals, go to your aunt’s house, find her journals, read them, who are they about? YOUR AUNT. a blog is the same but it is on a computer on the internet, get over it.
we played guitar hero again last nite don’t worry i won’t write about it again EVEN THOUGH I JUST DID OH SNAP.
i finished off the irish whiskey cos i am a rock and roller and fil had orange juice.
a ten year old left me a comment yesterday, i hope it was someone fucking with me.
i am in a spending money mood i think i might go do that seeing as i am up a bit earlier today. i have to finish a canvas and buy some more. i want to buy new clothes. you fucks not wanting my raymistore selections i am just going to leave them all in a bag on the street or something, i have too much shit i don’t wear. so far the crazy dress and green sweater are takers.
still haven’t had a cigarette no i haven’t quit i am just lazy and it is winter i am however more boogery and phlegmy cos of it, not cool.
As Peter tried to enter the store, the man inside recognized him and came out swinging.
Cameras captured him taking several swipes at the reporter, opening his door near Silverman’s face, hitting him with some papers and then throwing snow at him and a TTC employee.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I hit you? Did I hit you?” he’s heard asking sarcastically.
Silverman is now 75 years old but managed to give as good as he got, defending himself with his fists clenched.
when fil wears his glasses he is known as MEAN FIL cos he gets bossy and authoritative and snippy, at first when i mentioned this he said by me projecting what was in my head of him acting differently whilst wearing glasses it mindfucks him into actually acting differently, so it comes true, so he has a complex, he said something like that. whatever, it IS true.
what should i get fil for valentine’s day? nothing expensive either and don’t say write him a poem and recite it along w/ playing an acoustic guitar because my poem would be YOU ARE CRABBY WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY I WANT TO SLASH YOUR TIRES WHEN YOU BOSS ME AROUND YOU WON’T LET ME GET A KITTEN BECAUSE OF CID SO I AM BASICALLY WAITING FOR HIM TO DIIIIE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY and then i do a dramatic interpretive dance in a taupe leotard.
i want to rearrange the furniture in the condo but we have to get rid of a table and four chairs first so i feel like i can’t do anything until that one table is gone and thus, the rearranging furniture feeling passes. it does feel cluttered in here, there are like, twelve chairs in this whole room, that’s a lot and the extra table is now a junk table, the other one we don’t even eat at it’s just disguise for all the garbage accumulated on its surrounding chairs, mostly mine. i use my laptop case as clutch for all my felt material scraps ok it is now a sewing case, the last time i sewed was during summer anyway it sits on a chair stuffed and exploded open looking it makes me feel depressed so i try not to notice it.
what else do you want to know?
yeah, i can’t do anything until there is minus a table in our place, that’s that.
i haven’t smoked since sunday, it’s too cold and cos i barely smoke these days the headrush nap-feeling afterward is something fierce, fil will be playing guitar hero or wii and it’ll be my turn but i will just be slumped on the couch behind him dozing away as he greedily takes advantage of the extra songs he gets to do.
maybe i’ll transcribe some of my teenage emo journals for you later today, that’ll be fun, i’ll caption them and tell you what drugs i was on during.
my dad bought a new house i forgot to ask if there was a pool, i doubt it.
last nite fil and i drank jameson’s and played guitar hero and finished the cooperative part but nothing cool happened, he did however get some cheats off the internet to make our guys do air guitar and their heads were on fire and then there is one where your guys have horse heads for heads and the audience’ heads are eyeballs. it’s neat to see your dude air guitar cos they do all the right guitar licks and riffs whatever insert guitar nerd terminology here BUT they are doing it sans guitar so it’s a geeky i know what is going on feeling these characters are meant to do the same shit as if they are holding a guitar or bass or the fish guitar, whathaveyou but they AREN’T HOLDING A GUITAR.
oh i guess i haven’t left the apartment since sunday either i AM cool i swear if it wasn’t for my blog the world wouldn’t know i existed, only fil and cid and my parents and our stupid neighbours whom i’d probably be nice to cos i would be starved for attention.
Hows it going? Its been a while since i’ve emailed… I love that graphic of you & cid on the couch. I think i’ll buy a t-shirt of it. Not yet, but on the next visa cycle. It will by my first raymi article of clothing purchase. As of yet I have only purchased marketable depression. That was 1.5 years ago, except I gave it to another friend right after I read it, cause she suffers from anxiety attacks and things like that so I thought it might be of interest. I think she was kind of insulted. We’re not friends any more, thanks for ruining our friendship. Just kidding, I didn’t like her much anyways. No sense of Humour. .
I don’t know how you blog the way you do, the minute i write sometihng down i am embarassed by it. Like I’ve already changed this email 3 times because I felt i was misrepresenting myself. I have kept a journal for the last 12 years (10 years old to 22 years old!) and when i read the old entries its crazy because what i write makes a lot of sense and seems really insightful, but when i’m in the process of writing it always seems like meaningles jabbering. You’d think maybe that would give me some kind of confidence about my writing but it does not. Rant Over.
You should do an art show here, i’d love to buy one of your paintings. What about that thing with the hour, is it panning out?
*Laura*
the hour is calling me today apparently
sorry about your friend you should ask for your book back
and that graphic is wicked i want a shirt too
i guess maybe i get embarrassed by some of my blogging but i put it out of my head and turn off the computer so i cant go look at it again or read comments, you know, sleep on it then move on to the next pile of shit to write the next day and then whatever i previously wrote it’s like small potatoes, who cares. people read my blog for a reason right, whatever that reason is, it might have something to do with how i write so it never occurs to me that this is shit i am a failure bla bla etc i go into it thinking i am hysterical and right all the time.
people like self-negaters sometimes though mostly they are all about people who with huge egos, i dunno, be like that, even if you’re faking it, make it look good.
