i was cornered by a crazy dude here cos of the pageboy hat i wore out yesterday, holy shit awkward, telling me about swing dancing and this other type of dance for like 5 minutes and i’m trying to be polite but still obviously making i need to go noises and he picked up on none of them. anyway, these ties are 2.99, i couldn’t decide on what colour for fil plus crazyface was talking to me so i took a picture and ran away.
new aladdin flats for spring, look way better on your person than just sitting there all ugly like that. had to get a size 9 cos 8 and 8.5 pinched up a storm, these slip a bit so who knows if i will even be able to bust em out. sigh.
99 cents each!
i decided i want to try out the dumpy ass jogging pants college girl look, too bad my ass is so curvy (perfect!) it doesn’t get lost in those guys at all.
boner killer briefs, too embarrassed to show you the unfolded picture of, ha, fil was aghast at their dumpyness. me? derno why i am so drawn to these things.
and why i want to have a dance on bed slumber party when i wear them?
not mine. raymi’s fan club texted me and asked to join them for sushi, i was actually on my way out to rolu so i called their bluff and joined them. raymi’s fan club is comprised of two girls who used to troll my comments and say nasty/nice/jealous things to me and now they have finally come to terms with their love of all things raymi, quite interesting really. i let them follow me around bloor while i did some errands and they killed time before a show at the opera house.
waited for death to take me but then i ran out of chips and had to go downstairs in the dark to get more because eating chips can save your life.
Jamie: oh yeah also that guy who “reviewed” your blog how come anytime anyone “stumbles” onto your blog, (they never know how they got there) They always try so hard to sound non-chalant about it. “I guess she’s some kind of this or that…” they’re never committed or say, “this blog is great, and here’s why.” It’s always, “For some strange reason I can’t turn away.”
last nite i watched parts of madonna’s confessions tour and holy crap it is going to change my life i decided i am going to have a dancer’s body again and i am going to achieve this without walking into a gym.
you could also say the pistol they carry is symbolic why i don’t know or care cos everytime it is mentioned i get scared because that means something dangerous is happening or about to happen.
i totally have some catty things to say about a couple other bloggers but i think i will hold back the bullshit for once in my life.
in case you forgot how sad, pervy, lame, pathetic, and desperate men are i give you teddy babes
i just realised that it is march break and i was on the toilet evacuating my hangover bowels and then i thought KIDS ARE ON VACATION RIGHT NOW AS IN AT A PARK OR PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND HANGING OUT AT THE MALL THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!
Phil: you should get into drinking tomato juice for a high
i love kirsten dunst LEAVE HER ALONE PEREZ HILTON!
too bad there wasn’t internet back then i would have written on my marie antoinette blog YOU ARE ALL COCK-LICKING LIARS I DID NOT SAY LET THEM EAT CAKE THAT IS THE LAMEST ZING EVER!
man if i was in the bath right now i would have to sit very still so they couldnt hear the water
merkley???: got this email from a 16 year old today u r such a mother fucker!!!!!!!!! how could u hate horses u r a cheap ass hoe who does not know his ass from his head you probably dont even have a brain you cheap ass mother fucker fuck you up ur fucking ass you ass whole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sooooooooo sick right now, yesterday was THE WORST!
so we went to insomnia to eat, it was crap.
i had to send the grilled calamari back, it was too fishy, and they gave me a huge portion of it (it was an app.) which is a tip-off that it went bad, or is about too. then all nite long i had a queasy stomach and ate 5 pepto bismols and we watched american gangster, longest movie ever. dug it.
this coffee martini, also crap.
i also ordered the prosciutto wrapped asparagus, not bad, you can’t really fuck that one up though can you? fil had the danforth pizza, it was meh. i asked what was on it, garbage collected from the streets of the danforth? then we fucked off when this bachelorette party showed up. this should be called the places we eat and will never eat again blog. remind me to tell you about jugo juice at union station.
me right now. phlegmbot.
do you want a picture with the jager girls? yes i mean no, can we have a picture w/o you in it? no? ok fine. lucas looks drunk out of his mind (eyes closed) and i am wearing one of my many winningest outfits.
this move is the walker (with a lightning bolt through it as a bonus).
uhhhhh
well, at least my cardigan and pants match.
i’m such a good dancer i can move even when i’m standing on my own foot, don’t think i need to tell you how many close calls there were.
the busted leg mummy
the yoko ono, this one is easy, all you have to do is spend two years growing out your hair, then you go to a dark bar and practice primal scream therapy.
we can barely figure out how to hold each other’s hands.
Q: when a white person is asked, so you think you can dance, what is the right answer?
A: DOES IT MATTER!?
ps. i couldn’t even make out what we were even dancing to the entire time, extra points for that.
before we canoodled (blogger does not recognize this as a real word) last nite i was really feelin’ this guy apparently.
v. into it.
uh, so, i tore out part of my left thumbnail two days ago and it hurts to type, there’s exposed pulpy skin, i thought i was just tearing at a hangnail, nope, turns out it was much more.
who thinks it’s a good idea for me to steal pictures from people’s facebook’s from my past and tell stories about them on my blog? obviously bad idea, which equals GOOD blog material. no, GREAT blog material and like that wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass at all!
what would you like more, a guide to being obnoxious or a guide to being interesting?
here’s something, i put on some burt’s bees yeah? that stuff is awesome, works better than any other chap stick, agreed? also it doesn’t have that chemical that all the others have that actually dries your lips out thus propagating the chap stick dependency.
well anyway so i have it on my lips, then i have it on my fingers, then i get it on my toilet paper, then i get it on my butt hole (accidentally!), true story, happened just now, so all that rapid relief was experienced by my ass. and by ass i mean anus. i came into the room and shared this with fil and tried to describe the sensation using my fingers by clenching and releasing them rapidly like pulsation? you’re welcome for the hard facts. why i don’t have a tv show right now i don’t know.
then fil was looking at his arm and i said what are you looking for, muscles? ahahha
radmad gave me this crazy lube for your clit and you’re only supposed to use a dob half the size of your pinky nail, it is that extreme, burt’s bees is like 1/10 the amount of intensity, but still, DON’T PUT IT ON YOUR ANUS! this lube is only meant for the clit because it will numb you up right after it sets you on fucking fire! i guess it’s like tiger balm? if you’re a horny slut and ask me enough i will get off my ass and get you the name of this stuff.
*he just read this post and now he is flexing at me.
oh yeah i also saw this guy last nite and couldn’t remember why he looked so familiar then it came to me just as i was passing him and his group of people so i go hey you’re a comedian right? he goes yeah. i say you do the praying mantis right, then put my arms up in the air and weebled them around bending and extending them like a praying mantis. he goes yeah and all his friends are like woah! and i say, yeah, you’re really funny. then i continue my walk on over to the JD bar and get a lemonade jack and this guy and all his friends (who are likely comedians too that i inadvertently fully snubbed by not acknowledging their senses of humour) are staring at me, and his friends stared at me for the rest of the nite actually and i could tell they were doing a george costanza in their heads over not being singled out.
well if they looked like praying mantises i would remember them too!
