baby moving inside belly

holy aliens much?

oh here is the e-card i sent fil at work yesterday cos i am a romantic which is made evident by the music that goes along with it.

and now i bring you mastertrashed theatre

after this radular photo was taken mr. santa claus had to stop his guitar ballad to shake pitt’s hand and hug and kiss him. not lying.

that’s right, i’m bringing back the caption.

is yellow teeth an irish thing? that kid’s hair sucks.

YES i see you sheep dog curly barf hair kid

nice pretending to be thinking pitt.

uh hi the clothing store called, they’re running out of stripes?

I LOVE YOU FIL NO I LOVE YOOOOU PITT NO I LOVE YOU FIL! I LOVE YOU MORE! NO I LOVE YOU MORE!!! NOPE I LOVE YOU !!!MORE!!!11! NO I LOVE…

ok fine we love eachother EQUALLY….except i love you just a little bit more.

fil please tell me the secret behind being able to suck your nose into your face

salut pitt ou eh my baguette?

everyone look at me screw that guy like whatever you come out to the dome every home game since the beginning of baseball nevermind that EVERYONE LOOK AT ME

SERIOUSLY i have a blog do YOU have a blog? no? so shut up and another thing…

pitt looks like that guy at your party who is just really annoying and smiles a lot and people avoid him cos he is a total gasbag who goes on and on and on and ON and you have to tell your wife before the party that if she sees you talking to him she has to save you otherwise you are dumping her forever

nice pixelation relish motif what are you computer static? funny? anyone?

good thing i ruined a perfectly good picture by BEING IN IT good thing also my face turns mongoloid after a few beers and shots of red wine

my hair is pretty.

wasted

so hot

i ran out of boners of the week please name some and put up a picture too and i pretty much forgot all the ones i already did so if you want to remind me of them that would be nice so i don’t double dong them aha.

also, 4 years ago today tony pierce interviewed me and that’s when i was working secretly as an online “model” so you can tell at first i am aprehensive of talking about it but then i change my mind cos of tony’s nothing in here is true line ok enjoy.

i didn’t realise how rad that shirt looks thanks jessica

oh i updated aboutraymi in case you care.

that’s what my diamond pillow looks like so far it’s probably the most annoying thing i have made to date other than that humongous cigarette because i started it without thinking it through first as is all the things i ever do so i’m like ok i guess i have to add more fuscia thread all around to border it despite me spending thirty fucking minutes sewing the shape with white thread. i should have listened to my sewing coach but nooooooo. one day i am going to sew my hand to the cat that’s how not thinking it through first i am.

ps. if you can think of another way to get my point across without using AS IS ALL please let me know.

pps. i’m working on getting us a celebrity to come out to dodgeball and/or karaoke AND it’s not one that i’ve ever mentioned before.

barbie sluts

caption this shit

did you know that bon jovi made new homes for katrina peeps and they named the street bon jovi boulevard? well i did and i know this from oprah and matthew mcconaughey named his street angel lane so this means that bon jovi is all look at me i am a boulevard woooooh and matthew mcconaughey is like, a babe. ok well angel lane already existed cos of oprah but still bon jovi could have been less arrogant and called his street i dunno banana avenue? ps. bon jovi it’s REFRIGERATOR not FRIGERATOR.

that is all.

depressed people tend to be pretty insecure. i just watched that ny times cat power interview and yep the last thing you realise is that people like you and have liked you all along, when you are drugging and drinking yourself invisible it’s a shield from having to face whether or not you are a monster and if people think that but really they dig you and they like your art and creativity and the funny shit you say and do but then you snap and have to exile yourself for a bit and you think welp now they are going to hate me.

basically, insecurity is a burden, depression is a sickness and this combined with needing a lot of attention usually ends in disaster a few times but this is the only way for some people.

but what then when you are also grandiose?

anyway i’m done projecting, for now.