fuck scary movie three is awesome. the dogs are acting strange, one’s driving a tractor. heh. we’re only halfway thru it tho. ate ribs fell onthe kitchen floor snickers cake and joints and purple koolaid with vodka. le sigh.

Slut-kiss girls won’t you promise her smack

Is she pretty on the inside

Is she pretty from the back

Slut-kiss girl won’t you water her back

Is she pretty on the inside

Baby pretty from the back

Slut-kiss girl we’ll have some rot black strap

Is she ugly on the inside

Baby ugly ugly from the back

My pretty power my pretty power

My pretty power my ugly

Slut-kiss girls won’t you promise her smack

Is she pretty on the inside

Is she ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

that’s the jungleslut with the dorky dj dude i talked about before. ya she’s hot but she’s weird and her fakeness is annoying.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

“Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide.”

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly “high” and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

Increased energy, activity, and restlessness

Excessively “high,” overly good, euphoric mood

Extreme irritability

Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another

Distractibility, can’t concentrate well

Little sleep needed

Unrealistic beliefs in one’s abilities and powers

Poor judgment

Spending sprees

A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual

Increased sexual drive

Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications

Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior

Denial that anything is wrong

Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:

Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood

Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex

Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being “slowed down”

Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions

Restlessness or irritability

Sleeping too much, or can’t sleep

Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain

Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury

Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.

Sometimes, severe episodes of mania or depression include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (hearing, seeing, or otherwise sensing the presence of things not actually there) and delusions (false, strongly held beliefs not influenced by logical reasoning or explained by a person’s usual cultural concepts). Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing one is the President or has special powers or wealth, may occur during mania; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is ruined and penniless or has committed some terrible crime, may appear during depression. People with bipolar disorder who have these symptoms are sometimes incorrectly diagnosed as having schizophrenia, another severe mental illness.

It may be helpful to think of the various mood states in bipolar disorder as a spectrum or continuous range. At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call “the blues” when it is short-lived but is termed “dysthymia” when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.

Descriptions offered by people with bipolar disorder give valuable insights into the various mood states associated with the illness:

Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless…. [I am] haunt[ed]… with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, “It’s only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it,” but of course they haven’t any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can’t feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?

Hypomania: At first when I’m high, it’s tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes.

Mania: The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.

Rage in the cage

And piss upon the stage

There’s only one sure way

To bring the giant down

Defunct the strings

Of cemetary things

With one flat foot

On the devil’s wing

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Raping the geek

And hustling the freak

Like a hunchback juice

On a sentimental noose

Operation filth

They love to love the wealth

Of an SS Whore

Making scary sounds

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Psyclone Jack

Hallucinating Hack

Thinks Donna Reed

Eats dollar bills

Goldfoot machine

Creates another fiend

So Beautiful,

They make you kill

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me

Sink into me

Die for me

Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin

Dripping with Sin

Do it again

Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin

Dripping with Sin

Do it again

Living Dead Girl

he told me his name was rod gear but i didn’t believe him really. he was in the bar with his mates at the imperial college where i was studying journalism in london. his friends were calling me saffron of republica fame on account of my new red punky bob thing of a hairdo. i got up on the table and kicked some drinks over. i was 17. rod was a custodian and had keys to every campus building, dormitory, you name it. we walked back to my dorm on montpelier, him and his bicycle and a few drunken skeezers from the school i went to. there were a bunch of fat gossip queens sitting in the foyer and i knew i’d be in trouble if they thought i was up to no good so i said i was sneaking my cousin rod to crash in my room for the nite, he’s only in town this one nite and he’s leaving for wales in the morning. they bought it save for one going up the stairs after me is he your first cousin kuz he’s HOT.

i stashed him in my room and locked the door. he had to piss i said no way go out the window and he did for like ever and i panicked kuz the nite previous all the boys upstairs got in shit for pissing off their balcony so i told rod to finish off in the plant. heh.

there was a knock at my door and it was a teacher looking for this dumb bitch who he thought was staying in my room but really the one next door to me. (that is a long and important story in and of itself which i’ll tell you about later. cunty bitch). so i said no it’s lauren not sylvie and the teacher stood outside my door for 5 minutes and rod was eating me out the entire time.

when it was over i was like c ya.

i am so black and white trash right now it’s amazing. i have zero money and everyday i have to finagle myself a pack of cigarettes and weed and fun and and and…

my phone is shut off but i’ll pay it all or close to it in a few days and then be poor again for awhile. being broke in richtown sucks.

mum just called and i hung up on her. sorry. just not in the mood tonite.

beautiful mind is on love that film but don’t get me started, jesus.

i thought like i was john nash for awhile in codes and numbers and riddles and quadratic equations that made sense to nobody but me.

holy fuck.

the things i thought almost destroyed me.

me and angelo and schrader. schrader is all e’d out and in love with anything that talks to him. aw.

and no i dont wear that friggin shirt everyday. erg. thats the party i went to and i went swimming and the stripper was there and also the day before my friggin eyes went all buggery from my hair in them and makeup jammed in em too.

today is firework day. aka queen victoria day. aka may-two four long weekend bla bla. i like fireworks. last year was the first time i ever had the courage to light one myself.

i’m happy that i didn’t spill any beer on myself last nite. nope. no. wait. i did. but it dried immediately. so there. but i did get shoved into this scratchy wooden wall and got a cut in my arm. so hot right now.

ok i wasn’t shoved i was pushed.

ok ok, i fell into the wall kuz i was loaded and i am an idiot.

thank you.