new necklace

i finally caved and bought this guy, it was 18 bucks. sigh.

the cherry beer i mentioned before, 4.95 a bottle though, and i also finally got the royal tenenbaums with my hmv gift card from the stuper store on yonge – two copies left.

6%

dropped in at cafe nervosa for carpaccio and a beer all that walking got me hungry and crabby, fil likes it better than bar mercurio’s, i don’t, it’s very good but too thin for me. during the film festival a lot of celebs were spotted at cafe nervosa, i can’t remember who, and i don’t care. ok i do care. we were sitting beside a total golddigger who had the boringest stories.

i loooooooooove eavesdropping on rich people’s conversations they’re so terrible!

multi-coloured lenses make me look like i have a black eye.

itchiest hat ever.

frank magazine losers forum. the people they are making fun of weren’t even there for my show, just bar regulars. sad sad people.

after i saw the royal tenenbaums for the first time i went and got a 200 dollar haircut and dye job to look like gwyneth paltrow did, except with bangs.

whenever i eat ham or soup i pretend i am a delicate old man and eat tiny little bites very slowly, sometimes i pretend i am in an orphanage or i am homeless, i started doing this when i was a little kid from seeing an episode of the simpsons when mr. burns is cutting himself tiny slices of ham and he goes i’m full and there is a long table of food, platter after platter of expensive and delicious things to eat and all he can manage is the tiniest bite of ham.

anyway i have extended this act to soups too. right now i am eating carrot and butter bean soup like it is the end of the world and there is a grey blanket over my shoulders and i am friends with the people on the ship from the matrix, i try to stretch it out as long as possible eating a tiny bowl of soup because once it is finished i will perish or shrivel up and die or turn into an old wrinkly witch why did i share this?

i told this to fil once when we were eating ham, i can’t remember how he reacted, maybe he will say so in my comments.

oh and if anyone was ever wondering what one of fil’s lectures look like, here:

the moral of this post is it’s easy to find a boyfriend who likes to lecture you.

i sold two more paintings last nite after dinner at the beaver – pics to come of that later but first look at me with this balloon, it’s truly something.

we went to the silver dollar for the cd release show of katie stelmanis a truly amazing talent and voice she’s got though i fear the tiny art clique scene on a whole may be holding her back, snob wise anyhow, that place should have been more packed.

here is a quote i found in lullabies for little criminals (almost done!) that i was going to save for a rainy day burn i will say it now in reference to the specific art kids with their backs up (for some reason i refuse to figure out):

maintaining a superiority complex, especially when you were a loser, took a lot of mental effort and denial.

basically, chill a bit? i saw a few people i knew and fil pointed out how good they were at pretending you weren’t there, but they came to my art show i countered, i don’t get it. i just don’t anymore and i am tired of caring. the toronto crowd is talented at making you feel like you turned up to a kindergarden birthday party their mom forced them to invite you to, in case any of you outside toronto dwellers were ever curious.

anyway no hate no hate, well yeah tonnes, but you know what i mean, when does the fight for cool ever end?

in the crowd trying to get a few pictures while some dinky hipster dude with his ironic film camera elbows me every which way possible despite me being there first i’m thinking you know what mustache homeless outfit guy? it’s to this artist’s fucking benefit that i am here, your precious goddamn artist, so lay the fuck off. ass.

i blame yoko ono for all of this mess.

at the risk of bringing her down with my ship, hey xenia!

congratulations merkley on a successful party last nite, wish i could have been there, but judging from that two block line-up, mayhaps not.

this is what fil and i’s wedding reception will be like don’t copy it! oh my god i only lasted 1 minute of watching that.

embarrassing quote much?

story time!

soooooo last week i went on a shopping adventure at oakville place (the most retarded mall you will ever experience, every person in there dresses like they were barfed up from the hills, buzznet and myspace and they look you, well ME, up and down and it makes me really uncomfortable so i find myself always jogging, literally not walking as fast as i can through that fucking place).

actually this story is not about my shopping adventure at all, it’s about my returning a necklace adventure to a store i’m not mentioning anymore (no more free advertising) and then i stopped in at hmv to see if they had the royal tenenbaums (i have a gift card) so instead of combing the disorganized dvd section i went straight to this platinum blond little chick and asked if they had it she whisks me over to a computer, they don’t have it but she offers to look up which hmv does so i say ok and wait starting to sweat a teensy bit cos fil is out in his car like your dad with zero patience and i already returned the necklace and time is a ticking (he has a hair appt. to get to) anyway she’s clicking away in good form and THEN this fuzzy ponytail guy who also works at hmv (bad fuzzy with grease too and 3 inch dark roots w/ blond hair) comes up to her and says can i check something real quick? and she looks at me and my face is blank waiting to see if she pussies out and lets ponytail NERD take over (meanwhile there are 4 other empty computers beside her) and so he clicks clicks clicks and i am staring at him with all of my might and he is ignoring me as best he can cos he knows i am trying to bore a hole through his face, then he’s finished and goes away to his customer (whom i made a point to give cut-eye to as well) (ps. HIS customer looked like a pile of loser just saying i didn’t understand what the big deal was to interrupt an employee who was already serving a customer who at least made an effort appearance-wise) and they shuffle away a bit then the blond who is serving me goes back to the computer scrolling scrolling then i say WELL THAT WAS RUDE and she shakes her head agreeing with me and i say in sarcastic voice like i am already fucking serving someone here and she nods and says there are five copies at the hmv superstore i say ok where is that she says i don’t know it’s like IN TORONTO. oh ok thanks bye.

fuck oakville.

them (cokevillians) checking me out hard makes me uncomfortable ONLY because their world view/bubble is so tiny they think their style is original so when someone from the outside world strolls through it boggles them to pieces and they are flashing photographs in their head of your outfit to go home and copy it, the 13 year olds do at least.

oakvillian in urbandictionary read 4 and 5 hahahahahha.

pictures of the day go to: jen!

i swear to god this summer i am getting it RIGHT.

i finally did a puny amount of sit-ups on the bed two nites ago and felt so sorry for myself because it was really hard and pathetic and i just realized that the pain i am feeling right now in my abdominal area is from that duh.

celine dion is amazing. watch that video.

me right now.

holy hair!

well it was only a matter of time

oh yeah there are still many pieces available to own you guys so go to the crooked star and look at them and email me or whatever, cos cid sure as hell isn’t contributing towards groceries or rent.

look what i received in the mail from a “secret” “admirer” i totally know who sent it, anyway, it’s real.

she has one of her scarfs and hugged it to death.

fil‘s right, to sell more alarms the commercial should go, a bear breaks into a home, picks out important things to smash and stomp on, has his way with the pregnant mexican maid, wipes his ass with ancient pictures, eats all the salmon, leaves the toilet seat up and like. generally spazzes on the house before scampering off laughing and the people will be kinda mauled

love ryan

i love it how i have the sort of platfrom where i could write about people made out of garbage and impaled orangutans by unicorn horns and someone somewhere has two cents to chip in about it basically one-upping my mental retardations one day at a time.

ps. orangutan is the stupidest word.

pps. i’m going to tag one day at a time at the end of every sentence i say in real life from now on like how i said i was going to put a moral at the end of every blog post a year ago and when i went through my archives i noticed that i more or less stuck to that for a good little while, maybe i should bring back morals?

the moral of this post is i like chimay beer because it’s like a champagne bottle of beer for $6.30 and it has momentarily made me a comedian.

alicia wore the lederhosen i didn’t wear but in skirt-form, whore.

celebration dinnerskies at bar mercurio (<3)

we did it cheap-like, no wine.

the best carpaccio in toronto i say.

told ya.

we saw on citytv that there is a prowler in our neighbourhood, fil says that means a peeping tom, i freaked out and asked a thousand questions then we got in another mini-argument cos it was only mentioned in the ticker and i wanted to know more MORE and fil was irritated, dude i am alone by myself all day long of course i want to know more about this show a little concern too!

the walls are depressingly bare now so i came up with a solution.

you can see the curve of my pinky in my shadow.

then we watched fido and loved it, see it.

then it was time for reading in bed, something in the book made me cry so i decided to take some pictures, i know, deep stuff here kids.

uh oh a visitor.

also, what does a prowler look like? the villain from meet the robinsons all hunched over in a black coat tip-toeing? im fantasizing over jumping off the balconey onto his back and wrestling him into a pretzel and calling the police and then getting an award and having his leather jacket framed on the wall.