here are some other bloomers i bought from honest ed’s 6 years ago!

grow the fuck up.

and, well, if anyone cares i’m totally cultivating a 70s bush right now, it’s a self-sanctioned punishment to motivate me in becoming more of a skeleton via this no carbs thing, yesterday i finally trimmed at it but still man, it’s basically a jungle landing strip reminiscent of cocaine playboy era. holla.

ok soooooo SCOTTY CAPS LOCK just reminded to tell you about our jugo juice experience friday so here it is – lately it seems there’s been a slew of bad food experiences. sigh. ok so friday was weaselpalooza so we took the subway to union, i wanted there to be time to eat at marche then walk over to union then do the shortcut to the roundhouse, but there wasn’t so i caved and said fine i’ll get a wrap at jugo juice DESPITE being on a no carb thing, anyway, we order fil also gets a juice, we wait forever, the kids working are more focused on their cellphone music list selection than on my turkey wrap totally getting charred in the grill press, and another chick is chopping fruit. finally they pass it over, we take it to those stand up tables by cinnabon that are always filthy and i take the first bite and fil is mowing down on his half and then just after i declare how it has been a week since i have had carbs and am about to take my second bite, fil pulls this gigantic piece of parchment paper out of his throat so i say oh fuck THIS! slam my half into the box and his and the parchment paper and go back to jugo juice and say i want my money back, this is burnt AND there was this huge piece of paper in it! then they all take turns playing dumb, not speaking english and i wait at the head of the line calmly, but gradually fuming cos i’m starved and just totally frustrated by the one chick pointing at me to go to the line to complain cos she is chopping fruit and too busy to turn around and tap the other lady on her shoulder, the one who put the wrap in the grill to begin with. yeah parchment paper isn’t a big deal, i just know that once i tucked into my half more the other part of the paper woulda been in it. their attitudes pissed me right the fuck off.

oh and to top it off i think the girl in line behind me who i was forced to interrupt was a bartender at weaselpalooza at the wine table, looked like her, so all nite long i was wondering if it was her and felt embarrassed.

that is the jugo juice story.

i was cornered by a crazy dude here cos of the pageboy hat i wore out yesterday, holy shit awkward, telling me about swing dancing and this other type of dance for like 5 minutes and i’m trying to be polite but still obviously making i need to go noises and he picked up on none of them. anyway, these ties are 2.99, i couldn’t decide on what colour for fil plus crazyface was talking to me so i took a picture and ran away.

new aladdin flats for spring, look way better on your person than just sitting there all ugly like that. had to get a size 9 cos 8 and 8.5 pinched up a storm, these slip a bit so who knows if i will even be able to bust em out. sigh.

99 cents each!

i decided i want to try out the dumpy ass jogging pants college girl look, too bad my ass is so curvy (perfect!) it doesn’t get lost in those guys at all.

boner killer briefs, too embarrassed to show you the unfolded picture of, ha, fil was aghast at their dumpyness. me? derno why i am so drawn to these things.

and why i want to have a dance on bed slumber party when i wear them?

not mine. raymi’s fan club texted me and asked to join them for sushi, i was actually on my way out to rolu so i called their bluff and joined them. raymi’s fan club is comprised of two girls who used to troll my comments and say nasty/nice/jealous things to me and now they have finally come to terms with their love of all things raymi, quite interesting really. i let them follow me around bloor while i did some errands and they killed time before a show at the opera house.

oops.

movie stills from when i was a burlesque dancer in a movie i haven’t even seen yet.

girl stalkers are the worst.

i can masturbate to babel.

don’t lie to me it’s fucking amway i know it!

OMG RAP CAT! OMG OMG

this movie sucked.

i am Imyar McJew.

oh and then we watched the pink panther and i laughed louder and harder than everyone else and fil was embarrassed.

pitt came into town last nite many stupid things happened

raymi: ok no i won’t shit my pants but i mite

fine i will remember this

now i am depressed for that guy looking like clay aiken more than that guy maybe BEING clay aiken.

woah.

praying is selfish.

oh and then he drove to ottawa and marched into CSIS and wigged out then got formed.

oh merkley

even tykes dig the minx!

when i got my new camera.

waited for death to take me but then i ran out of chips and had to go downstairs in the dark to get more because eating chips can save your life.

Jamie:
oh yeah
also
that guy who “reviewed” your blog
how come anytime anyone “stumbles” onto your blog, (they never know how they got there) They always try so hard to sound non-chalant about it. “I guess she’s some kind of this or that…” they’re never committed or say, “this blog is great, and here’s why.” It’s always, “For some strange reason I can’t turn away.”

my bruised ass

fuck the duke, nerd blog party.

menstrual bloggers

me: lots of drinking

me and fil discuss jambalaya

me: i am wearing a practise outfit
i am practising wearing it to see if it is sufficient to wear out in public

i was trying get some cool people show up cos we were trapped in a nerd vortex and needed help

it is good i am the last person to see it so what i say doesn’t even matter anyway.

me: your feces do not help the planet

curious george boots party of one.

me: you are being a controlling misogynist all yer “loveswomen” philogynist nonsense is a total lie and i am exposing it

me and xenia are friends.

sloppy gin nite

hi

shoe museum party

last nite i watched parts of madonna’s confessions tour and holy crap it is going to change my life i decided i am going to have a dancer’s body again and i am going to achieve this without walking into a gym.

you could also say the pistol they carry is symbolic why i don’t know or care cos everytime it is mentioned i get scared because that means something dangerous is happening or about to happen.

i totally have some catty things to say about a couple other bloggers but i think i will hold back the bullshit for once in my life.

fil got a new camera and the fights have already begun.

haha diner’s club who are you fil, steve martin in plains, trains, and automobiles?

fil’s new job is to take my picture he said he is going to get rich and famous off my body, he probably will.

wheee!

what else is new?

ok we cant talk about food anymore.

samir burned those tights with a cigarette.

in case you forgot how sad, pervy, lame, pathetic, and desperate men are i give you teddy babes

i just realised that it is march break and i was on the toilet evacuating my hangover bowels and then i thought KIDS ARE ON VACATION RIGHT NOW AS IN AT A PARK OR PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND HANGING OUT AT THE MALL THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!

I AM GHOSTY LOHAN

the departed review.

white people love to recycle.

Phil: you should get into drinking tomato juice for a high

i love kirsten dunst LEAVE HER ALONE PEREZ HILTON!

too bad there wasn’t internet back then i would have written on my marie antoinette blog YOU ARE ALL COCK-LICKING LIARS I DID NOT SAY LET THEM EAT CAKE THAT IS THE LAMEST ZING EVER!

man if i was in the bath right now i would have to sit very still so they couldnt hear the water

read this

starving!

i canNOT fucking believe merkley got to play the canadian card to be profiled by cbc’s the hour when he DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PEAMEAL BACON IS!

i would totally murder someone for that sandwich right now.

merkley???: got this email from a 16 year old today
u r such a mother fucker!!!!!!!!! how could u hate horses u r a cheap ass hoe who does not know his ass from his head you probably dont even have a brain you cheap ass mother fucker fuck you up ur fucking ass you ass whole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RIP charlie the cat

cid is fat and lazy

irish you a happy st. patrick’s day

more like PARTYSON’S!

surprise!

oh, so we’re not eating dinner? -samir

rabbit pork party

go out for dinner, go home blasted out of your mind with a wine fridge, a bindle of dough and many bottles of red wine and cake. lucky fucks!

this dress no longer fits right, gill has first dibs on it.

fil does not feel my flight attendant dress, not giving it up though, he can blow me.

or a black eye, or bleeding gums, or all three.

when your boyfriend suggests having a pushing competition, say no.

sunday internet sucks.

don’t think i’m not saving up postsecrets to blast in one huge post ok?

donate some/more moohla to these guys if you can.

sooooooooo sick right now, yesterday was THE WORST!

so we went to insomnia to eat, it was crap.

i had to send the grilled calamari back, it was too fishy, and they gave me a huge portion of it (it was an app.) which is a tip-off that it went bad, or is about too. then all nite long i had a queasy stomach and ate 5 pepto bismols and we watched american gangster, longest movie ever. dug it.

this coffee martini, also crap.

i also ordered the prosciutto wrapped asparagus, not bad, you can’t really fuck that one up though can you? fil had the danforth pizza, it was meh. i asked what was on it, garbage collected from the streets of the danforth? then we fucked off when this bachelorette party showed up. this should be called the places we eat and will never eat again blog. remind me to tell you about jugo juice at union station.

me right now. phlegmbot.

do you want a picture with the jager girls? yes i mean no, can we have a picture w/o you in it? no? ok fine. lucas looks drunk out of his mind (eyes closed) and i am wearing one of my many winningest outfits.

worst best oufit i ever invented.

i am the most graceful woman in the world, just will you look at my legs, will you? now can you do that? i’m in 5 directions at once. jealous.

the polish cuckoo clock

fil sure is a lucky dude.

cops + charlies angels + meth

the steeple

THE DUI DRUNK TEST

this tile-ripper is the TETRIS RETARD

this one’s called WINDSTORM!

this move is the walker (with a lightning bolt through it as a bonus).

uhhhhh

well, at least my cardigan and pants match.

i’m such a good dancer i can move even when i’m standing on my own foot, don’t think i need to tell you how many close calls there were.

the busted leg mummy

the yoko ono, this one is easy, all you have to do is spend two years growing out your hair, then you go to a dark bar and practice primal scream therapy.

we can barely figure out how to hold each other’s hands.

Q: when a white person is asked, so you think you can dance, what is the right answer?

A: DOES IT MATTER!?

ps. i couldn’t even make out what we were even dancing to the entire time, extra points for that.