pffftsecret time, bear with me friends, these guys span back to august, and as usual i can hardly remember why i saved half of them. i’m usually hung when i read postsecret and come up with these elaborate booze residual bipolarisms in my head that i think SAVE FOR LATER then weeks later i’m like what’s the deal with this postcard with a balloon on it and the girl swimming wtf how can i squeeze some funny out of that again? or worse, i saved something to be all take a stand about it and i just don’t have the energy to tell it like it is when i don’t even know what the initial thing that peeved me off was. oooooh well lets give her a try anyway… ps. why am i doing this lead-in?

COP-OUT! oh ok so you’re fat and it’s your friend’s faults and nothing to do with your lack of willpower? your GPA would be higher too and that’s cos your friends include you in social gatherings and not at all cos you are actually a fucking idiot who can’t seem to manage buds and good grades, can you chew gum and walk at the same time? god, if you were my friend and i found out you actually thought this i would drop you so fast. yeah, and i’m an alcoholic because of the cat but it’s ok because w/o him i’d be miserable? see how much sense that makes? as per your savings you could at least get dudes to buy your drinks for you but oh wait, your friends made you fat, so i guess that won’t be happening. next.

every time?! WHY!? what is wrong with you fucking sociopathic losers? get something else in your life to fulfill you other than the misery of others, if you only feel satiated when people are down at your pathetic shitty level that is beyond sad. hi i can’t be bothered to better myself or my life and i hate it when others are happy so i’m going to fuck with undeserved strangers WITH MY MENTAL POWERS.

just in case you want me to puke? lady, let me tell you, the year of the thong is O-V-E-R. unless you are planning to get a time machine to be in the movie roadhouse, get some cute low-waisted bikini briefs or boy shorts instead, i have a feeling your ass is dimply anyway, cover that shit UP.

ok that is fucking cute, good on you.

PAHAHAAHA best postcard ever only because of the ape’s head between the hamburger buns. look how sad he is. so precious.

WIRED i love that magazine!

yeah, good luck with that.

so i gather you’re voting barack then.

haha that sounds terrifying and funny but please don’t say shroomed again, you remind me of this skid i used to work with at the hardware store who invited me to shroom with her and her friends DURING WINTER AT NITE IN A PARK and she was younger than me and thought she was all street. sorry i’d much prefer getting cozily drunk inside a warm bar with my fake id instead. she’s the type of genius who thinks 9/11 was an inside job cos her stoner friends say it. in summation, I GOT HIGH ON MUSHROOMS AT DISNEYLAND AND GOOFY PROBABLY KNEW.

agreed, it’s always the parents’ fault. hi mom, dad.

i bet this scenario will inevitably happen but you’ll be too busy in your head fantasy to believe that it is actually taking place before your eyes, the kid will drown, and you will be the hometown failure. get a new daydream.

you are a WINNER.

thank you for the visual. you’re one of those cathy comic chicks, i can tell. gross.

aww wittle waby is all gwown up nwow. guess what, welcome to the real world, where the only one you can depend on is yourself and the plethora of lonely awkward moments is never-ending. enjoy!

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE AWARD why can’t the world only be made up of people like you? what was that other card i went all insane over last time? can’t remember, but basically shit is so fucked today all i care about is inanimate objects and trivial bits of information like this.

tell me now, how can people who can’t spell achieve straight A’s? here is a fun little lesson to help you remember the proper usage of loose vs. lose:

YOU GOT STRAIGHT A’S BECAUSE YOUR TEACHER HAS LOOSE JUDGEMENT AND THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT IS IF YOU STOP EATING AT THE CAF.

seriously, are you new? THEY GET PUT INTO THE STUPID POSTSECRET BOOK THAT’S BEEN PUBLISHED LIKE WHAT FOUR TIMES NOW SO WIMPS CAN CRY AND BEAT OFF WHILE FRANK LAUGHS ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK. you’re that same guy who says he tries not to hate frank for not posting his secret you sneaky little turd. how about you try to play the who-cares-what-happens-to-un-posted-secrets game alone in your room for eternity. honestly, i can barely care about the secrets that are posted how the hell would i give one per cent of a fuck about all the secrets out there i don’t even know about yet? MUST KNOW ENTIRE POPULATION’S SECRETS MUST PAY IT FORWARD MUST LIGHT A CANDLE MUST MUST MUST oh fuck off.

ok i just hit the postsecret wall because i think this is hysterical. please mail that tape to your sister or to the writer’s of everybody loves raymond, oh wait, they did that one already.

they don’t think you’re a bad person, they just think you’re inferior is all.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWW
W
W
W
W
W
WWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten bucks you have a subscription to BUST (love that mag) but still, enough please. thanks a fucking lot i just google image searched ‘menstrual blood’ i will lovingly think of you while eating cranberry sauce later today. just kidding, cranberry sauce is sick, like you and your menstrual blood.

YES YOU ARE.

yeah so and do you want a prize for NOT being over your ex?

ok i did this all the time too and so far i do not have a castle or billions of dollars, so i’m pretty sure that the other things i wished for like being skinny and hot and macking fil i did those on my own. if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, got it? good.

way to prepare them for the big game of life and great job on your children’s reading comprehension level being below that of a dog’s, sprinkle some fear of public places, other children, and a general penchant for hiding in the basement on top aaaand we’re good here.

how original, i bet you are the only stripper in the world who ever thinks that!

zzzzzzzzzzzz cuckoo bananas much? i think you have an unhealthy obsession with your ob-gyn, do you go like every month? lady, what is wrong with your mangled vagina? c-section aside, i think you need to be visiting the office of a head doctor instead, do it before you smother your baby, brooke shields.

oh BA-LONEY, that’s a lot of bullshit, you just don’t like white peen, don’t bring babies into this you racialist.

yeah me too but hey guess what, did you hear about this thing called the internet and porn yet?

yeah i really wish someone in my immediate family could get a terminal illness so my room can look like pottery barn but then i remember i am canadian and all that cancer-wishing would just equal hospital visits, holding hands, crying and dying and NO HOUSE OR DISNEYLAND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS REAL LIFE OR SOMETHING YOU MEAN I’M NOT ON THE SET OF A REALITY TV SHOW NO BROTHER NOOOO LIVE LIVE LIVE COME BACK I LOVE YOU!

i too hope for your family that something bad happens to YOU so your mom will get a state of the art kitchen and your sister gets a pony.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING CANADUH!

fall country drive pics follow this wicked video starring me learning spanish.

fil’s first time visiting this outlet mall.

we found him these wicked boots, this store is mental MENTAL, i’ll post more pics later of how many boots are in this place. he almost didn’t get them, wanted to think about it i said no way dude you will think about those boots for a week and kick yerself GET THEM NOW.

now i must try on 70 outfits for steph‘s birthday jam party tonite whee!

i pointed to my glasses and the elvis guy’s glasses and exclaimed HEY MATCHING GLASSES, he nodded and smiled politely, but only as i rode away on my bike did i realise i was NOT wearing my golden elvis shades but my big brown nicole ritchie ones. idiot.

on special assignment.

camera sniper.

damn shoulda just bought it.

sass i think i’m goin’ back for this guy.

it was hard to see if this was a goodie or not cos i was wearing winter tights. bonus the material is sweat stain proof, well stronger than other materials.

as i took this a ttc employee told me to back off it had already been called in ha right as my face was all up in it crouched down and BOOM. what a way to go, i died for my blog. anyway nerd, next time don’t leave your briefcase with a note that has the word bullet on it by a garbage bin if it’s meant to be a freebie, hey why not go the mile and leave it open.

what does a laundry bar taste like, chocolate suds? what kind of drinks do they serve, foam whiskey? ok bad jokes sorry.

on to the new UO on queen, v pretty dressing room urrea. there are a million feather clip things i covet, way too expensive. meredith says she will make me one, isn’t that right mer? every time she makes me something i will link her blog, that’s the deal. ahha.

3 for $24 i was too lazy to take off my shoes and tights so i tried these on over my tights and underwear, kind of hard to gauge if they look nice when there’s a mile wide tights gap in the crotch.

the pink was a small, and fit v snug like low-rider, but again can’t tell over all the layers. this purple one is a medium and was a decent fit over my rump.

still seemed like a little too much material, so i passed on the impulsive undergarments shopping.

i bought two tops from h&m, haven’t bought something there in ages believe it or not.

scary punk mosh stampede ensues (i’m a square i guess).

apparently moshing was banned after the last time they played mtv and destroyed the bathroom, ha guess that rule really stuck. i was trying to capture what was going on inside there as fil was in the middle of all that, i had my fingers jammed in my mouth like dorothy when the wicked witch mocks her saying aunti em aunti em at her and she’s held captive. the motorcycle in the entry of the door was shoved right into the room and over-turned. i think this just turned me on to country.

more footage here, i broke between vids to take some crowd pics. this one is cut short cos the barricade was shoved into my purse, fil’s camera bag and extra lense, i jammed my finger into the belly of a security dude to pull it aside for me while i bent over to retrieve and move the shit all the while some fucking doofus was stomp moshing sex pistoling all over the place and people were shove dancing into me my hipbone was slammed into the metal barricade, feh.

one of the ring leader’s they were trying to toss out stood cowardly in the middle of bodies and said well i thought this was a punk show? i had a serious adrenaline surge go through me i wanted to box his fucking head. yeah it is you dick but clearly it’s a wee out of hand. tons of tiny chicks were being thrown around, seemed to like it, stupid.

ladies, there’s a new ardene in yorkville and there’s a promotional big ass sale going on right now. i got 5 pairs of socks for ten bones and two tights for ten. i was the only one in there last nite aside from the LOUD TALKING SPANISH INTO THE PHONE CHICK SO LOUD I COULD NOT DECIDE ON WHAT SOCKS TO CHOOSE. it was so rude, i shot her a few looks, didn’t get the hint, then rests down the phone as i pay and gets back on it the second she hands me my change back to loud chit chat laughing.

stopdie and cadence weapon played lee’s last nite.

my fave jew and bipolar hero extraordinaire dropped by, asked me about this movie i was in (wasn’t)(cos i wasn’t informed that i had an integral role in it until after the fact)(like, i was the cool person that the loser reads the blog of and idolizes and then i show up at an art show and they flip out) that he wanted the role for but they denied him did i remember that right? anyway, dudes, next time be more clear don’t be vague and make me think i’m only bg, having me written into the script is kind of important info and email me if it’s not too late to try this again.

whoops.

my old roommate lucas is stop die yeah yeah you know the story, he’s married now.

went over to kilgour’s for a snack, i realized there’s music nite tonite part 2 and got instantly crabby about it, if we have to do this two nites in a row then we are not sticking around for this other act but maybe after we eat/drink we can stick our heads in and see what’s going on. good idea me.

drunken scrabble game taking place behind fil, dude could barely keep his eyes open, lady was older and embarrassed, paid the tab for him, tried to take away his pint and he growled whined all surly, she stormed out ahead while he swayed and tried to finish the pint to save face then left with the glass being 1/3 full still. it’s not exactly storming out when you are waiting patiently at the bottom of the outside stairs for your drunken lout of a bf. poor woman, though who hasn’t been there on either side of the coin, am i right? ps. i am perfect.

spanakopita and side caesar even though i ordered the greek side salad, ate it anyway, siiiiiigh. our server was too nice for me to send it back.

kilgour’s burgs are to die for.

the girl behind me was cackling way too fucking much for my PMS so we moved closer to the drunk scrabble game all squished in there.

went back to lee’s for cadence weapon and i am glad we did.

fil commented that it was a very white crowd for hip hop.

shirt discount thanks lucas even though i said he should be paying ME to freely advertise.

family portrait time.

indeed.

if you don’t know who fucked up are check ‘em here or here.

see the lighter fluid?

look it’s daryn jones and guess what? he recognized me and said hey you’re raymi i read your blog all the time, he even recognized fil. egosplosion. daryn interview me dude!

sink fire practice.

aftermath. we were given a head’s up about the impending destruction but were told to keep mum. no prob just let me get out of the way. i have some great footage of the mtv heads flippin’ the fuck out over it. a motorcycle was trashed, gas fumes everywhere, fires being lit, ceiling tiles mangled people punched kicked shoved moshed danced on. i was scurred fil’s body would come out in bloody pieces.

all these kids rushed the teeny men’s bathroom where the band was set up and were to perform 3 songs. they got through one and the plug was pulled. i am so glad i chose to stay outside.

foreshadowing.

fil was up on that amp on the right i think. once the band fired up i swear it a fucking stampede went through. i’ll show you video tomorrow as i have another muuuusic thing to attend. for now here is some more fall cheese for you.

aw wendi gave me this at my show, it’s from the first concert we all attended together (well not including the kooks that we went to right after the nxne steamwhistle party whoops) so cute of her.