I feel like writing another saucy Minx guide. What present day issue do my fellow Little Raymis want some tough love advice wisdoms on? Fashion, Dating, Minxing. I shall put on my thinking cap.

Lois, that’s good Little Raymi work, nice pose! Gangster confidence hipster girl art party stance. You kind of look like a ninja too, extra credit.

Medieval door knockers and candlestick lanterns by every door. I love the whimsy. If I could live in fantasy world (duh I think everyone would like to) forever I would. Disney, Peter Jackson, whatever.

As usual, there is always a crowd of various size gathered around the shit show, which is why I’m grinning like so. (there may be some repeats, consider what you previously saw already sneak peek generosities).

Lois is all, I am OUT of here. Why does Tracey think she is on the home shopping network all the time?? Can someone hire her please? (no seriously she is crafty).

Nice robe but you immediately turned into Mom hag from sexy cougar when we got back, just saying. Then Lois repeated it too aww. There is nothing like royal blue.

I am a hot mess.

We got busted by some staff, giving us our check out papers at 4 in the morning and Lois played it all casual. I was at least wearing normal clothes and my jacket. Pretty sure they enjoyed watching us on surveillance.

Waving Sayonara to them bitches.

I want to go see Beauty and the Beast again. I guess I can settle for Medieval Times.

More salad less carbs next time please.

I didn’t want to jump in too quickly and make the camera fall over the bridge into the moat and two seconds wasn’t enough, the ten seconds shot looked like crap.

I love Christmas. And that is what I call it and that is how I will wish it.

Mom got a lighter, better pic.

Sleeping Beauty, first morning.

HOT!

HOT MESS HOT!

MUNICH HOT!

Teacher got them both bday gifts. Classy move, dude. Cowabunga! (he hates when I call him dude so I made up a burn for him to get me with when I say it).

But will she keep it?

Princesses and the pea. I have to switch to silk pillowcases for my hair to protect from breakage :(, legit princess now.

I want to go to Belgium.

It didn’t feel like Etobicoke.

I have my mom’s underwear I bought her on my head. Matches that leopard baby doll, I have matching bikini versions of the same print.

Looks good on me but I have too many things and I never wear it.

Let the elder gals be young at heart forevs I say and am a total enabler for that.

Gave my mom one of my Stevie Nicks-type cape dresses, a size 2. It’s massive. I have one like it already.

o_O

A true Cougar. The clerk here tried to stop us taking pics, which I know is not allowed but the way she did it was NOT cool. So I asked, and why does it reflect “poorly on the store” exactly? She could not clarify. Fear flickered in her eyes when she read my tone and I saw her thoughts, “Who did I just piss off?” Icily, I said, “Mom, lets go.” and mom gave me a look like ooh I missed out on a good one. Tracey loves drama. I do not let people get away with snotty retail posturing, nuh uh, not looking for a fight but if you fling out a catty waft I will throw it back at you to let you know I am paying attention. When is Larry David going to invite me over for tennis?

I am going to create the most gorgeously insane Christmas tree ever this year. Dad, are my decorations at your place?

Mom said I looked like the witch that Dorothy’s house landed on, felt like that, that bender hit me like a ton of bricks. Lying in bed anticipating check out is a restless sleep cos my stuff is all over the hotel room. Turns out check-out wasn’t til 12. THANKS LOIS. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE YOU!!)

Speak of the Angel, breakfast was included so she went and raided it for us the lovely little hoarder and we sat around recounting the crimes of last night in our beautiful hangover bunker mistresses of the universe sitting room. It was nice to know that I was not so far from home and could sloth around the place til my Teacher Nurse got home TGIF. What a fun week.

If you see me doing this stance it means your ass is about to be kicked.

Next time, Vegas.

Suicide Shoppers. Two peas in a pod.

I want to go to the English countryside. I have family who always bug me to come visit. Dad lets do it!

By the time we checked-out I was a pro at maneuvering the luggage cart.

We don’t miss a thing.

Neat. Having a wedding here would be a party indeed.

We had our own “the Keg” going on haha.

What is this Ab Fab? Lois, your hair is killing me. Also can you give me that bitch cougar from your group’s FB so I can send her a psychotic message about comparing me to Deirdre from Cornation Street from two or three Halloweens ago. What a sly slag eh? Some of the people in my mom and Lois’ crew are lethal and mean, desperate.

They were all fighting over this dude, well, guess who won? Meow.

Yum.

Yup.

When everyday is kind of New Year’s Eve-ish, NYE has a lot to live up to.

This was about 4 in the morning. I pushed my mom around lightning fast and she pissed her pants. It was very exhilarating for her. This is typical Kerouac behaviour. Live a little or a lot.

Welcome to Raymiality. It’s a preferred state of being, existing on a higher plane of consciousness. Kind of like this.

Recognize the chick next to Lois?

HA ha on our way to check out, I’m a little rough.

Gorgeous.

She has big jugs so the L might not work, didn’t come in XL. Mom just try it, you look smaller when you wear smaller and THEN you GET smaller too because you become more body-size conscious. Skinny Raymi Tip.

Love it.

Ok so we all know I’m a thrill seeker and turbo fitness adrenaline junky? Guess how fast I must’ve been clocking if Tracey pissed herself. From one end of the floor to the other.

I love this shirt and I love how Lois first read it aloud (she’s an ex teacher) in her spectacles and phonetically sounding out ho ho homeboy lol. Some of my potty mouth has rubbed off on Lois, ahaha and she has chosen some choice phrases as her top three favs, care to guess? Of all the offensive and crude funny Raymisims on tap…

Three words on these delicious hot peppers: Ring Of Fire. I say no more. OOh lets listen to some Johnny Cash now.

Technical phone picture taking difficulties.

Sending off Lois’ cousin Paula out front we could see her bobbing around the room and spied for awhile. It was a full moon, almost, and it felt appropriate. Is that our room though? Must be I think we would be the only ones up at 4 in the morning doing this right now. Good point.

Good score those heels yes we’re all very excited.

This was actually scary a little, and my waitress was like are you ok??? Some geezer before had had a seizure from the surprise attack sparklers HA but I was just taking the piss, she believed me, once bitten twice shy, ‘n that.

Okay holy shit Martha Stewart give it a rest.

Linen service stresses me out but I like to treat fine dining like a burger joint, nothing in life is too posh for me or you, it just stresses me out a little cos it reminds me of like 500 fancy dinners from child/teenagehood past which is like, when you introduce two ADD snarky hell-raising kids to fine dining it’s unavoidable that “something” is gonna go down. It’s like dumping gasoline on a fire or when principal Skinner bends over to tie his shoe for forever in front of Bart, a recovering alcoholic moving into an apartment across from a liquor store and so on. Walking in to the Old Squire Inn, my brother and I look at each other with “are you kidding me?” looks on our faces lol countdown to Dad hissing, cut it out under his breath with psycho eyes at us ahahha. Those were the days, miss my grandfolks and the Old Squire is long gone now, some kind of plaza has been built on that land.

Reading our bill and the dude is right there too, he was a good sport. Mom was killing herself stifling embarrassed giggles.

Memories of Miami.

I spy a little sleeping Beauty action.

Mum, someone wanted to know where your witch boots came from.

Tracey is my ultimate SWF.

Ooh Sylvia love those pants, dressed to kill. So mad they bungled up our tables. The place was dripping with men, Lois repeated my statement and then we giggled for a long time over it. I almost caked my mom for throwing an ice cube at my nose (it hurt!) she is a bully and acts out for attention when she gets ripped, I am Snow White and she is the wicked Queen BAhahaha. She said, then it would have been a cake fight if I did. HA.

Aw poor stressed out look on that chick’s face. She was very good and so were we. Glad I wasn’t privy to whatever Tracey was doling out to get us two free bottles of Veuve.

Girls, is my nail polish in one of your junk bags from that end pile of gift bags at the Keg?

Mom can you super zoom in or email me the original?

Shivering like mad here.

I find these dogs to be ugly and I have disdain for fluffy hair on dogs, it’s a “thing” for me I also hate tiny dogs with fluffy hair they’re so fruity, sorry, also I heard that poodles have anger issues too and they’re always shifty and freaky, see this is why I have a thing. It’s a status dog too, an ugly puffy aggressive like a swan freak. Doesn’t it look like a demon from Hell?

We could only push it from one way, lots of U-turns and yelling in the hall and giggling.

Another one for the books. 4 Birthdays, the Knight’s table, Society chicks who take no prisoners.

Georgia and I walked together to the bathroom, the entire gauntlet of the Keg and her in that Cameron Diaz from the Mask Dress and my figure skater unitard and catwalk heels, we made a few fan clubs along the way to which Georgia said, oh is that what I heard? A doll!

Cornelia looks like Prescilla Presley and is super chill. Dig her.

I am proud I didn’t have any dessert, I have been a pig lately.

Lois has a signature drink. That is so Punk Rock of you. Did you used to bang Slash or something? WICKED!

Small world, these are the Wine Ladies. I horrified them with tales about how I apparently am too old now, SO OLD LOOKING. Georgia was appalled.

Nice moon.

Have a nice night!

Happy Birthday Lois and have a great time tonight at the Bond Jovi thing LOL.