GUESS WHAT EVERYONE? IT’S TIME FOR A MOVIE REVIEW AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT A MOVIE I SAW THREE YEARS AGO THAT WAS ON SUPERSTATION JUST LAST NITE I’M TALKING PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN DEAD MAN’S CHEST!

ok three seconds after the movie started this dude runs up the stairs and sits beside me across the aisle and i think oh cool it’s a dude who works here and is sneaking in but no turns out he has tourette’s and sneezes for thirty minutes straight, the type of sneezing cats do that’s like snorting and sounds like they’re about to shoot snotrockets anyway we moved to the other side of the theatre.

oh i forgot we each had three pints and a shot before the movie so now you have an idea of where my headspace was at which was TOTAL FUCKING CONFUSION piled onto MORE CONFUSION Wooooooooooooooooooooh PIRATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!waoirh0ewhfe

anyway, keira has the worst fake tan ever i mean the make-up people were about as skilled as i am when it came to slapping that crap on her face WHICH IS CERTAINLY NOT SAYING A LOT and also her tan appears out of nowhere 3/4 of the way through the movie which = funny, for me at least or not i forget. uh that skinny orlando guy that everyone thinks is hot but really isn’t on account of his rat tail hair, right so he sees keira making out with jack sparrow and ps kiera is his fiancee and pps HE DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT!! NOTHING! doesn’t ask her hey so i noticed you mouth-fucking that guy who is pretty much my pirate mentor you know just wondering what’s up?

doesn’t at all flip out and slap her or have a hissy jealous fit nothing nothing nothing. the first thing i said to fil when we got out of there was I DON’T CARE IF THE WORLD IS EXPLODING AND WE HAVE THREE SECONDS TO GET OFF BEFORE WE EXPLODE TOO, IF I SAW YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMAN LUSTFULLY THERE IS NO WAY IN FUCK I WOULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE WORLD EXPLODED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT I WOULD HOLD UP EVERYONE ON OUR ROCKETSHIP UNTIL YOU BEGGED FOR MY FORGIVENESS AND MADE AT LEAST TEN PLAUSIBLE REASONS/EXCUSES AS TO WHY I SAW WHAT I SAW.

but that’s just me.

total hard-on for the voodoo priestess with the shit in her teeth and that jamaican akciant i did.

worth seeing bla bla etc etc