i should try out for game shows. i’m so much better when i don’t talk.

Kris is an amazing director. so calming he talks in this way that immediately makes you relaxed thank god for that. it’s kind of hypnotizing and confusing and before you know it all your clothes are off and that’s a wrap hahah.

I’m talking to leslie here she’s like whaaaat? all stars get blasted for sex scenes where’s the whiskey. i could have gone sobes but then my foot started speed tapping my flip flop and wouldn’t stop hahaha.

The actress arrives. actress slash personal wardrobe stylist, are we good here people?

It was a choice between yuppie shirt only or blazer and bra, or all three. i had to speed change backwards after the scene, and in the scene. the bra is majorly puffed up and the shirt is v tiny on my frame. gerson and i had to jam it in my skirt as fast as could be, most times i wouldn’t bother buttoning, just let the blazer give the appearance of all being put together. in real life a chick on her way out might take better care, but this is make believe right?

I didn’t want sweat on my shirt and felt it necessary to get into character as quickly as could be, become more comfortable, do it hef styles.

Melodie’s robe. that’s it getting my own.

This is when i became wicked nervous. i pretty much maintained a buzz all day yesterday to keep it cool, plus it was suicidal saturday (anything goes day). a shot of vodka would eventually make its way over.

This was shot in the chocolate factory lofts. right around the corner from the security desk. i think he heard me. i think the entire building did. god. i am theatrical.

So I was playing a rich chick. i couldn’t find ONE necklace of mine. not my hello kitty nor my simple silver one from teacher. boo.

Good thing they have the ladder on the turf at the motion room, i was ready for this and cos of that i didn’t wear heels in the scene, i was willing to try but they might have gotten tangled up in the sheets. we had enough trouble maneuvering our legs and arms and doing it gracefully.

It’s also funny to be nervous about doing something i was born to do, and do well. like fake typing on camera, you tap at the keys like a typewriter when merely seconds prior you were expertly clacking away angela lansbury murder she wrote styles. i was going over the past year in my head of being singlish, sloppy one night stands, mini two week refaketionships (i just made that up hahha) and all the ploughing, why am i a baller for that but have the gall to be shy about it for screen? professional minx.

That’s gerson in the blue, awesome. taylor on the right is my hired john. i am too busy to get a dude so i pay for bangs, sure makes sense. we were joking around like crazy to get the heebie jeebies out. worked.

It’s hard to fake sexiness if you wait til the last minute to embody it so carry it with you always ladies. i knew i had to break down a few people in the room first before i could become comfortable, nervous nerd boners maybe hahah.

That’s me doing fitness, glamour fitness. i think we should do a high fashion fitness video cos we all know what aerobics gear looks like and yeah yeah snore i look good in it. we need some next level gimmickry, super delicate expensive chiffon or something that falls apart and disintegrates from doing push ups and sweating profusely all over it.

last minute globbing. i ruined two nails. i never NEVER go anywhere without finishing my nails. if i have one that is damaged i’ll make time to do it, knowing i’d be sitting in makeup i threw it in my purse. late as usual.

that’s gewel, giuliana (everyone on set has weird names/spellings of haha)(there’s emer too, i know right? she’s the cutie in the grey/striped shirt). she’s great, super chill. everyone involved were dreams, hearing them chatter when i was too nervous to speak they made me laugh. my makeup lady was nurturing haha wow i sound like a total baby. i dunno. how nervous would you be?

I was proud of my work. i remember when i thought it acceptable to have gross nails, chipped polish a la c. love, riot grrl, unfem. so stupid. now that i look and dress like a cougar i see rich old dudes rubbernecking me like crazy bananas. i have wasted my life. hahahaa.

on my way out to set i took my american cash out of my wallet, stupid. would have been perfect. looks like we’re canadians in this film now. doh.

the script. i don’t speak. i provide audio of another kind. someone picked up a phonecall they should not have at an integral moment when action was underway. your funeral buddy.

arsenal.

slainte!

before the last take i started to feel queasy. i had a cupcake anyway and commenced doing burpees to make my abs ripple more. work through the pain.

your turn. going to walk the dog now and will BRB with transfering the rest of the dirties over into html so you can see these images. Guess what! Blogging is ACTUAL WORK who knew?????

prepare for battle. maybe not all of us will make it out alive.

I NEED A NEW BLACKBERRY!

cake face. we didn’t do under my eyes. she said it makes you look tireder. WHAT! all my life! globbing that shit on and on and on and on and on! slkjg;ugsd;ubvd;b;!^&$&%^$%&^$8

get my back spots too please thanks.

one day when i have time i am going back to my dermatologist rip off asshole and show him the result of his waste of time work. unless another one comes forth and sponsors it for a blogvertisement. a plastic surgeon too please for my nose and tits.

ta da.

aw back to ally mcbeal. more like, ally mcFEEL.

i like how taylor kept saying (reassuring himself) aloud how his girlfriend was cool with all this. baha. why are you sweating profusely from your head then dude? (there were hot lights hahaha).

gorgeous bathroom eh.

i sent some of these to leslie and she’s like was there a shower scene too!!? haha.

the girls loved the blazer. i told you i was marge and her chanel jacket now.

hahaha.

so i grab my shoes and clutch, pay and run. even though you were crap i am still obliged to pay you.

emer with one more shot. i only had half this time, gave the rest to taylor.

make room.

killing time with the elephant in the room. lots of baby talk going on. ten dudes sitting quietly in the kitchen, would have loved to be a fly on the wall for their sit-in hearing EVERYTHING over the loft wall.

waiting for the scene to end quietly in my walk of shame.

there’s a version with my bra on too, when we had cut, the girls thought it wise to have a non-R-rated option.

tarek you’re a star too.

my heels. second use of the week.

had a pony temporarily. hair was getting sweaty and matted. ha.

we are the first scene in the movie.

i am sore as hell today.

burpees. i saw on ET after SNL last night, shia does 150 push ups before his transformers chase scenes. i am turning into a real actress now. i even put bronzer on my abs to make the definition pop. did i say that already? they did that to the twilight guy.

i did ten. and this was after 3 takes already. maybe 4.

and the jump. i bet i will still look fat anyway.

hair is getting rattier. which was supposed to be the way, but i am a priss. i tried to leave sweat on my body to compromise. continuity. bah.

post romp regality.

as they clap, and i curtsy. i told you i have great manners. great pedigree. i’m on my way to a polo match now actually.

gahahahah my hair.

and then apparently i made a speech? i dunno, i was drunk and cum dumb.

my escort wouldn’t even hug me.

charting my dash course. i walked into the corner of the bed right off the bat. f-ing black modern furniture. everyone did it. i now have a great thigh welt for south beach.

maybe i should have gotten a smaller bra.

i’m sorry but look at my arms now. kelly ripa!

i hope i didn’t look like a blob on film lying down there after i flop over.

emer you’re the best. (writer/associate producer). you can check out everyone’s credentials on the with her facebook page or imdb. a real movie! i want to be in more!