another excerpt from the story i’m working on.

~
I am going to invent a compliment machine and I am going to be very, hugely rich and then I won’t have to write on my blog anymore.

Basically I do freelance work from home and as a huge time killer I write in this blog that I have had since 2000 and I have a following and some of it [following] have become online buddies who are also bored and too creative for their own good so we piss away hours talking nonsense and usually the conversation turns to me saying ok it’s compliment time, compliment me now!

Then I thought of a compliment machine. I have not decided what it will be made out of or anything well I imagine it like the baby translator machine from the Simpson’s that Homer’s brother Herb invents, all crappy and DIY-looking and there’s a big speaker that spits out compliments all static-like and foreign and robotic sounding.

You look beautiful today Katra.

Katra you are so tiny!

So there is a mirror attached to the compliment machine and you show it your face and then you whisper into the speaker what your feelings are like that day and the compliment machine measures the tone and pitch of your voice, it like, feels you out, deciphers your mood and based on that, it tells you what you want to hear and follows it up with what you need to hear.

I am a genius.

First it will be targeted to those who are single and have low self-esteem and then it will be coveted by large corporations to dole out to employees to up morale and increase productivity.

Picture it, your name is Dave and you are sitting on the edge of your bed, you are lacing up your work shoes and staring at yourself in the mirror, you sigh and then you hear a staticky, “Dave you are AWESOME!” pipe out and you stand up quickly, pump your fist into the air and exclaim, “FUCK YEAH I’M AWESOME” you go into work and finalize a $30 million deal and your boss sends you away on a cruise for a week.

Going on totally awesome cruises all the totally awesome time because you are totally awesome Dave!